Icanfinallyrelaxwhen Ellie starts to breathe normally.
She looks up at me like she is going to be alright, and the best I can offer her is a small smile. Not fully understanding what just happened, I can at least breathe easier knowing that whatever it is is over.
What was that, anyways? All she did was accidentally spill a glass of water, but it threw her into a complete panic attack. I know that Ellie is anxious and introverted, but that was something else. It had to be.
Thankfully, everyone was already gone, and we had the room pretty much to ourselves when it all went down. I was able to get her to sit back down in her seat, and the waitress brought a new glass of water over.
She looks up at me while taking little sips and says in a soft voice, “I d-don’t know how you always do that.”
“Do what, El?”
“Say the right thing.”
My words get stuck in my throat, and her sincerity hits me right in the gut. All I want to do right now is wrap her up into my arms and protect her from everything. Now doesn’t feel likethe right time to ask her to unpack what just happened, but I desperately need to know in order to avoid this in the future.
After taking a second to compose myself, I move myself so I’m facing Ellie straight on. Her eyes meet mine, and we are the only two people that matter.
“I don’t know if what I say is the right thing or not until it comes out. I can’t predict how people will react, but I can think before I speak. If thinking through things before I react and using my words to explain myself helps other people, then I will try to do that every time.” I have no idea what is going on in Ellie’s mind right now, but she still looks so sad and broken. “El, are you okay? You don’t need to tell me what happened, but I just need to know that you are going to be alright.”
“Y-yeah, I’ll be fine. I just had a really shitty ex-boyfriend—” She gulps, and the tears start building in the corners of her eyes. “Um, he used to get upset with me and make me feel really bad about myself. It’s not like he was physically abusive or anything, but now I know that he was verbally abusive. I spent a lot of time with a therapist working through these issues, but any time I made a mistake, even if it was just an accident, he would berate me and call me names. I guess old habits die hard.”
She shrugs like it’s nothing, but it’s so much more than that. If only she could see herself through my eyes. “I’m so sorry you had to experience that, Ellie.”
“Yeah, me too.” A single tear rolls down her cheek as she continues. “It's always been hard for me to make friends and have lasting relationships with people, and it’s gotten w-worsesince he broke up with me. Isn’t it funny that I’m an introvert desperate for friends?”
Not knowing what to say, I reach out halfway for her hand, and she places hers in mine. It makes me irrationally upset that someone could treat Ellie like that, but I can’t do anything about that. All I can do now is be here for her.
She starts up again, her voice still soft and timid. “The way you talk to me and reassure me and show me that you’re on my side makes me feel really safe. You’re the only person I’ve told about him other than Nick and my therapist, so thank you.”
“El, you don’t need to thank me for showing you human decency, but I’m glad that you trust me enough to share.” More tears stream down her face, and I need to do more to comfort her. “Can I please give you a hug?”
She nods her head, and I pull her to stand with me, bringing her tight against my chest. Her arms wrap around my middle, and her head rests on my chest. Hoping she doesn’t feel how fast my heart beats from having her so close to me, I squeeze her a little tighter. She fits perfectly in my arms, and I try not to think too hard about it.
With all of our physical encounters there has been some intensity that pulls me to her, but this is different. Instead of a deep, passionate heat, it’s more of a warm tenderness. The passion is still there, but there is also compassion and trust.
I could hold her against me forever, but when I feel her drifting, I know we need to head back up to the room. “You’ve had a long day, El. Do you want to go up and get some sleep?”
We find Wes, Natalie, and Tom hanging out in the lobby with a few other coworkers. I stop to chat for a couple minuteswhile Ellie makes her way back to the room, but by the time I make it up, the lights are off and there is an Ellie-sized lump under the covers.
I make sure to be quiet as I get ready for bed, and when I finally lay down next to her, I feel more than content.
Waking up to the smell of orange and honeysuckle, I refuse to open my eyes just yet. The pillows and blankets in this hotel are luxurious, causing me to experience the best night's sleep I've had in a long time. There is a slight movement in my arms and a soft pressure against my hips, and when I open my eyes, my vision is skewed with thick layers of brown hair. It isn’t until right now that I realize Ellie is wrapped up in my arms.
I know I should move, but, fuck, she feels so good. I should unwrap my arms from her soft stomach and be respectful of the boundaries we’ve created, but I can’t. The relief I feel from her contact is indescribable. I have been so wound up recently that it feels good to forget about all that and just hold her. There is no space between us, but I still want her closer.
During my bout of internal turmoil, the realization of my subconscious desire shocks me awake. Unfortunately, Ellie and I become aware of it at the same time. “Uh, Patrick, please tell me that is not what I think it is poking me in the ass—”
I scramble, jumping out of bed and using my hands to shield my morning wood. “Fuck, El. I’m sorry. I didn’t meanto—”
I get cut off by a giggling fit. An unexpected, and slightly offensive, reaction to say the least.
“Um, it’s fine, Patrick. Not what I was expecting to wake up to this morning.” She leans against the headboard and stretches her arms up. “I’m sorry though. I think I was the one who snuggled up to you in the middle of the night. I remember being cold—” She looks at the pile of blankets pulled to my side of the bed. “You’re a blanket hog!”
She mocks me, and I do my best to hide my enjoyment. The back and forth of Ellie teasing me is one of my favorite things. Pretending to be taken aback by the accusation, I glare at her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She gestures at the evidence dramatically, and I can’t help but laugh.
Trying my best not to stare, I watch her get out of bed wearing an oversized shirt and the tiniest pair of plaid pajama shorts that barely contain her thick thighs. God, it makes sense why my body reacted the way it did with her pressed up against me. Thoughts rush in of her in a similar oversized shirt oversharing her sexual desires on her couch. It would’ve been so easy to slip her tiny shorts to the side this morning and—
