Fuck, I would’ve been perfectly happy just having him sit next to me while I go over my notes. But, Patrick wouldn’t want to be ignored all night, and I need to be on top of things for tomorrow’s class. It’s better this way.
As I lay in bed trying to sleep, I can’t stop the aching in my chest when I realize that he didn’t try to stay either. I’m going to take this for what it is—a wake-up call.
If he actually wanted to be with me, he would’ve fought a little harder to stay tonight. I probably could’ve been talked out of my study plans, or at the very least postponed them for a few hours, but hedidn’t want to stay.
Chapter 29
Patrick
Thatfuckinghurt,andthe worst part is that I let it get to me.
There was nothing off about Ellie texting me to come over last night. I figured that she just wanted to blow off some steam after her stressful day, and I was happy to oblige. Honestly, I was just excited to spend some time with her. There's been a lingering empty feeling since Ellie left the parking lot Sunday afternoon, but it had stopped temporarily when I thought I was going to spend the evening with her.
That desperate need to see her, to be near her, keeps growing.
The look on her face when she opened the door was of shock, but it quickly turned to confusion and then frustration. It shouldn’t have impacted me like it did, but I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I wanted to stay, but Ellie didn’t want me there. It wasn’t even her that invited me, but I had hoped that she was going to ask me to stay anyway. If anything, I could’ve helped her go over her notes or just played with her hair while she studied, but that is not what happened. I drove home and watched TV until I fell asleep—alone. The empty feeling is stronger than ever, and I don’t know how to get rid of it.
I was hoping that seeing Ellie at The Brew would make me feel better, but my dumb brain was too focused on what happened last night to let that happen. I started my own pity party by overthinking.
Since she didn’t want me to stay last night, that must also mean that she wants her distance this morning. Not knowing what else to do, I stood in my 'pre-fake dating' lobby spot and watched her make my drink from afar.
The last thing I want is to overstep my boundaries and lose Ellie completely since it would be completely unbearable to have had her and lost her so quickly.
I’ve been moping in my office all morning, and it has not gone unnoticed. Wes has come up to me four different times asking for help analyzing the new set of data from last month’s online sales. Mind you, Wes hasn’t asked for my help in over three years, so I refuse to believe that it is for no other reason than to scope me out. It would be absurd to think he suspects my mood is because of Ellie, but his reconnaissance attempts are obvious nonetheless.
As soon as I got into the office yesterday, I filed a report with HR about the Rebecca incident at the hotel. Deciding not to go into details about Ellie’s involvement or what was said about her, I still made a formal statement that Rebecca was spreading rumors about an office romance that does not exist. Even if there was something going on, office romances are only frowned upon, not forbidden. Whatever anyone does here isn’t any of my business, but I am not in one, especially not with Natalie. This whole thing just brought light to how awfulRebecca is, and I can trust that the gossip has already spread throughout the building.
Knowing the office dynamic and how everything works, since this is Rebecca’s first attempt, she will get a slap on the wrist and have to attend a full day of workplace training on professionalism. Not the punishment I would call for, but I am not the one who makes those decisions. One can only hope that it encourages Rebecca to stop trying to interfere with my life.
Thinking back to this weekend, I’m impressed by how well Ellie has played the part. There is a need to show my appreciation for all that she has done—agreeing to fake date me and coming to the company weekend. God, I can only imagine the shit Rebecca would’ve tried to pull if I was openly single. Pulling out my phone to send her a text, I remember that I’m keeping my distance.
As I am helping Wes look over the same data set for a fifth time, I hear my phone buzz. The desire to check it to see if it’s Ellie is strong, but I need to chat with Wes first. If I didn’t like him so much, this would be annoying, but at this point, I find it kind of endearing. I don’t give him anything to work with, even though his attempts to hound me are valiant, so he goes back to Natalie’s desk and exchanges whispers, which leaves them both with frustrated expressions.
I finally check my phone to see a message from Ellie. It should not feel this good just seeing that she texted me, but it is nice to see her name.
Ellie:Can I bring you lunch to make up for the stupidity oflast night?
I don’t know what her intentions are with reaching out, but I don’t want to feel like I did last night. The smartest thing I can do is to give her an out and see if she takes it.
Patrick:Ellie, you don’t have to. It’s not a big deal.
There we go. A simple and easy response. What I don’t expect is an immediate double text.
Ellie:Please let me? I feel really bad, and this is the only way to fix it.
Ellie:What if I sweeten the deal with a milkshake?
Damn, she knows my weak spot.
Patrick:Make it chocolate.
Ellie:I will do just that! Expect me around noon!
And just like that, I feel like an idiot smiling down at my phone. Natalie and Wes are already staring at me, but whenthey see I’m watching them, they immediately look away and pretend to be checking something on Natalie’s computer.
Fuck, I’m in too deep.
Ellie walks through the office with a large bag from a local burger place while she expertly balances two drinks in one hand.
