Her face lights up as she leans against my chair. “I’m not going to lie, it’s really nice to see him like this.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, all in love and stuff.” She twirls in her dress in front of the mirror, and I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.
Trying to save face, I laugh it off. “Oh god, I don’t know about all of that. We’ve only been dating for a few months. I don’t think he’s in love with me. That’s ridiculous!”
Sitting in the chair next to mine, she takes a moment to smooth out the front of her dress before talking. “Listen, Ellie, I’m going to let you in on a little secret because I like you a lot. Patrick is great. He is one of my best friends, but he’s always been a little too grumpy and much too focused on work. I noticed a change back at the end of June, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then he brought you to the happy hour and the company weekend, and it was more than obvious you were thechange. He has no clue how transparent he is, but trust me, he is obsessed with you. It's honestly funny how much his demeanor has changed. He is just so much… happier than I’ve ever seen him. I’ve been talking to Wes, and we both have never seen him like this. And, that’s saying a lot since Wes and I never agree on anything. Even if he hasn’t said it yet, he’s in love with you. Hell, he might not even know it yet.”
She glides back into the dressing room, leaving me stunned.
It is killing me that I can’t confide in Natalie right now and ask her a million more questions. I can’t let her get suspicious about anything, especially now that I feel like I've made a friend, but her words weigh heavily on my thoughts.
I always thought that Patrick was a really good actor when we were together. His affection. His words. His thoughtfulness. That’s not what she is talking about though. She wasn’t talking about what he is like we are together—this is when he’s at work. That part of him shouldn’t be affected by me, but for some reason it is.
The rest of my afternoon is spent wondering if Patrick could actually like me more than just a friend. We are definitely compatible sexually. He makes me laugh. I feel safe when I’m around him. He smells really good. I am happy whenever we are together. My chest flutters whenever I get a text from him or think I get a text from him. The list goes on and on.
While I don’t want to admit that I’m actually falling for him, I don’t know what else this could be. Lust? Infatuation? But, those both feel wrong.
Despite all of this information, I still find myself hesitating, and I hate that I am scared. Shutting myself out from other people has been the main way of protecting myself after all of these years, and it would be easy to do it again.
The constant volleying in my head is giving me a headache.
I’ve been hurt before, and I refuse to let it happen again. I refuse to let someone treat me like my ex did. But, I think back to everything that Patrick has done over the last two months. The way he held my hand and talked me down when he noticed that I was on the verge of a panic attack. The way he took care of me the night I was insanely drunk and didn’t even try to make a move, despite me spilling my dirty sexual desires to him. The way he stood up to my mother because he couldn’t handle her talking badly about me. Patrick has shown me through his actions that he is nothing like my ex.
Fuck it, I’m going to tell him.
I’m going to tell him that I want more—I want to be with him for real. If he doesn’t want that, then I’ll move on, but I can’t go any longer without knowing if he feels the same.
Chapter 37
Ellie
Mystomachisalltwisted up as I sit alone in Patrick’s office.
When I got here, Debbie had told me that he was in a meeting, but I was more than welcome to wait in his office. The few times I have been here, she has always been so kind to me. When Patrick told me that she is the office gossip, I can’t say I was surprised. The quick succession of questions during our first interaction hinted enough to her talkative nature.
Since I had to wait anyway, we chatted for a few minutes, and she filled me in on what has been going on in the office since the company weekend. Apparently, Rebecca has been keeping to herself a lot lately, and I’m grateful that something actually came from Patrick’s HR complaint. I didn’t stay too long because I was scared that I was going to spill something that I shouldn’t about myself or Patrick. The last thing I want is to create more turmoil, especially after the Rebecca situation, but drama seems to follow us in this fake relationship.
As I walked up to his office, I noticed that the desks where Wes, Natalie, and Thomas sit were all empty. It made sense that they are all in the same meeting, but I was really hoping to chat with Natalie to ease some of my worries. Debbie said thatit wouldn’t be too long, but I have no way of knowing if her definition of ‘too long’ and mine are the same.
The neatness of his office matches the rest of his existence. It is not completely spotless, but everything has a place. His papers sit neatly in a bin, and his pens are all placed in a small mesh cup. I look around and admire his Computer Science degree from the University of Virginia.
I didn’t have any plans to snoop, but I’ve never been in here without him—and I’m curious. So, I take some time to be extra observant.
Turning around the pictures on his desk, I see that they are mostly just of him and his family.
There is a specific photo that catches my attention. It must have been taken a few years ago because Patrick looks a little younger. If I had to guess, I’d say he was probably in college. Him and his siblings are wearing a similar color scheme, and his parents are in the middle, looking authentically happy. Matching their mom, all of the children share the same hair color, a dark brown, almost black.
Even with their many differences, there’s still a distinct resemblance between all of them, but Patrick takes after his father the most. All of his other siblings have beautiful brown eyes to match their mom, but Patrick and his dad share those striking green eyes. I think about what it must've been like to grow up with so many siblings and make a mental note to ask him more about his family.
Panic fills me when I hear a sound behind me, and in an attempt to make myself look less suspicious, I don’t immediately put the picture back. Taking another moment to admire hisfamily, I place the picture down and turn around. But, where I expect Patrick to be stands another person. When my eyes move to their face, it only takes a second for me to realize that it is Greg. Surprised and confused, I remain silent, waiting for him to speak.
“Emily! I didn’t know you were here.” His voice sounds a little too excited for my liking, and I don’t give him a smile when I remind him that my name is not, and has never been, Emily.
He laughs anyway, seemingly amused by his mistake. “Oh, who really cares? Emily, Erika, Ellie. It’s all the same.”
Alarms ring in my head as he moves into the small office, closing the door in what appears to be a purposeful manner. My mouth is dry, and I am uncomfortably aware of everything he is doing.
