Something is off. something in the way she moves. Something in her looks weak and broken.
“You better tell me what the fuck is going on, Lindsey. And if one lie slips from your lips, I swear, I will deal with you myself,” I demand.
She nods. Swallowing hard.
She glances nervously in the direction from which the girls left.
“Don’t look for them. Look at me.”
She nods again and presses her lips together. “They um… they said they could help me.” Her eyes drift to her hands, twisting in her lap as anxiety flows through her
“Help you with what?”
“You know, I have never forgiven myself for losing you. I know it was my fault, Simon. And I know how much it hurt you. It was cruel of me, and in all honesty, it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
“I don’t want to hear about the past,” I snap, thinking she’s trying to distract me.
“No, please, let me say this. It’s important.”
My jaw clenches in annoyance, but I nod, allowing her to go on.
“I made that mistake, and within a few weeks, I knew how bad it was. Jaco was… he was so convincing. He really made me believe that he loved me more than anyone in the world possibly could. He… he swept me off my feet and blinded me in so many ways. I was… I was caught up in it. It felt like a fairy tale. But that feeling only lasted a while before I saw who he really was. At first, it started with a random nasty comment that caught me off guard. I would explain it away, telling myself he is tired, he’s had a long day. I would try harder to show him that I loved him and that I was there for him, but the nastiness got worse.”
She speaks, and I listen.
I watch her body language and read her expression.
I listen to the tone of her voice and how she’s embarrassed that tears escape as she tells me some of the things he has said and done to her to belittle her and make her feel worthless.
And my heart breaks for her.
I know she betrayed me. I know she left me. But the consequences of her choices hardly seem fair. She’s terrified of Jaco. Trapped with him. A prisoner of his threats and his power.
“Lindsey, I had no idea,” I sigh, reaching out and gently taking her hand. “Talia and Blair were right to bring you here. And I will help you,” I reassure her.
Her body slumps with relief, and her tears fall freely.
“You will?” she murmurs, her eyes locked onto mine. “Even after what I did to you?”
I nod. “Of course I will. We all make mistakes. I can see your regret. And what Jaco is doing to you… It’s not right.”
She wraps her fingers tighter around mine.
“I never stopped loving you, Simon. I’ve always dreamed that we could have another chance. I truly believe that we were meant to be together forever. I still do. I still think that’s possible if you…”
I gently pull my hand out of hers and shake my head.
“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I will help you. I won’t leave you alone in this, but I don’t love you, Lindsey.”
“You did once… maybe you can again?” she whispers, looking heartbroken.
“I’m sorry, Lindsey. I don’t even know if it was love back then. I have to be honest with you about this. Nothing will ever happen between you and me again. I’m not even the same person I was when I was with you,” I say thoughtfully.
The truth is that Lindsey doesn’t even flick in comparison to Blair.
I haven’t fully processed what this all means, but Blair… Blair is something so special, so unique… she’s everything to me.
Lindsey bites at her lower lip and looks away from me. “I understand,” she says quietly. “And thank you for still being willing to help me. It means the world.”
