"Dbag, I want you to find out everything you can on Mark Grayson. And when I say everything, I mean everything! I want to know how many times he pisses in a day! You got me?" Ice says.
"Yes, sir!" He quickly heads to the back office. A few minutes later, Ice leaves and heads for the back stairs.
He's only been gone for a few minutes before he comes back looking a bit disappointed. He comes up to the bar and takes a seat. I ask, "What'll you have, Ice?"
"The usual, please." I grab his bottle of Maker's and pour him a drink. He finishes it and asks for another.
When I bring it over, I say, "You look troubled. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Naw, sweetheart, I'm good. Just got a lot on my mind."
After a few minutes go by, the other brothers that had been lingering around the bar disperse, leaving me alone with Ice.I guess now is as good as time as any. I don't know if I will ever get a chance like this again."Ice, can we talk?" I ask. He looks at me, pleading with his eyes to not push this conversation, but I can't let it go. I need to know once and for all. I need the truth.
Looking defeated, he shrugs and says, "Why don't you take a break? We can talk in my office." I smile, finish putting some of the bottles away, and then follow him to his office.
I walk in and close the door behind me. As soon as we're completely alone, I run into his arms. "Ice, I've missed you so much." It's my last attempt to salvage anything between us. I can feel him attempting to push me away, but I just grab on to him tighter. I'm afraid to let go. I'm afraid that this is all we have left. I know he is strong enough to remove me and I appreciate the fact that at least he's allowing me this. After several seconds in his arms, I ease up on my grip and he gradually steps away.
Suddenly, I feel more lost and alone than I did before. But instead of saying the words I know he will say, I hang on and ask, "What's wrong?"
"Honey, I'm sorry, but I can't. We had fun, but it's over," he says.
Tears well up in my eyes. I was expecting this, but that doesn't make hearing it any easier. "But why?" I ask.He better fucking tell me the truth. Yeah, sure, I don't want to hear it…but if he gives me some bullshit story instead of what is plain and clear, I swear I will never forgive him.
"Honey, I'm sure you knew this was coming," he states matter-of-factly.
"But, Ice, I thought …" I don't finish. The hope is gone and there is no point in trying to salvage something that isn't there. He's right—we had fun. But he has no idea how much I love him. He has no idea that I would do anything for him and his club. He doesn't understand that he's my savior and that my loyalty to him runs very deep.
"Honey, Emma and I have a history. I need to see where this—whatever this is between us—is gonna go. I'm sorry if I hurt you. It was never my intent. But you knew from the beginning I was not in the market for an old lady."
I nod sullenly. "I know, I was just hoping … well, that maybe … oh, never mind." I turn toward the door, and then look back at him and say, "We had fun though, didn't we?"
He smiles and says, "We sure did." As I open the door, he calls out after me, "Honey, you know you always have a home here. You take care of my boys and me like nobody else. If that's what you want, that will never change."
"Thanks, Ice. That means a lot to me." I turn again to leave and then add quietly, "I hope things work out for you and Emma. You deserve to be happy." Oddly enough, I believe I mean it. He was right, he would have never been able to give me what I wanted from him. Not in the long term. Especially if he's got this history with Emma; that would have always stood between us.
"Thanks, Honey. I hope you find some happiness too."
I leave Ice's office, wiping the tears from my face. Although I have been dumped, I feel that a load has been lifted from my shoulders. I no longer have to worry about trying to please him, or being afraid that he will leave me. I no longer need to worry about where I stand with him. I had never realized how heavily that constant worry weighed on me. But the weight is gone. I walk out to the bar area and see Hawk sitting there alone. He knows where I've just come from, and by the look on his face, he knows the outcome. He warned me about this a long time ago and I refused to listen.
I walk up to the bar and sit down next to him. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I say, "Wanna drink?"
He looks down and smiles at me. "You were busy, darling, so I helped myself." He smiles at me and his understanding of my predicament is written all over his face. "You look like you have been through the wringer. Wanna talk about it?"
I smile sadly. "No, I don't. But I'd love the company."
"You got it, love. You know that." He puts his arm around me and pulls me close. "For what it's worth, I'm still waiting." I put my arms around him and squeeze.
"Thank you, Hawk. You've always been rock solid for me." I pause and say, "I still need some time, but I promise, I won't forget."
We sit like this in an awkward yet surprisingly comfortable silence. No more words need to be spoken between us. I have no idea what is going on in Hawk's mind, but my mind is closing a Chapter and considering a new one. I will not shed any more tears for Ice or for what might have been.
After Hawk leaves to take care of some club business, I decide to go into the kitchen and just chill to get my thoughts together. After sitting there for roughly an hour, in walks Emma.You can do this,I tell myself. After my conversation with Ice, I know that I have to be nice to her. If I start to cause problems, there is a good chance that Ice will make me leave. I have nowhere else to go and I can't jeopardize that.
"Hey," I say as she walks in. She just groans. I think the effects of her drinking are taking their toll on her. I get up and get her a cup of coffee; she's gonna need it. I set it down on the table and she smiles kindly and says, "Thank you, Honey."
We sit there in silence for several minutes before Ice comes bursting in. The look on his face is ashen. I am sure seeing us together has got him worried, especially after the talk we had earlier.
"Emma, I need to talk to you," he says.
"Cade, can it wait, please? I've got a splitting headache and would love to finish my coffee."
"Nope, can't wait. Bring your coffee. My office, now!"
He's being very stern with her and it almost pisses me off.Can't he see that she is hungover and just needs a minute?Holy fuck, am I actually sticking up for her? Absolutely not. I don't sway that easy. But I will give her some advice."Emma, you better go. Ice isn't used to waiting for anyone." She nods and gets up from the chair, taking her coffee with her as she leaves.
