"How did you know?" I pause then say, "I mean, what makes you think Hawk has feelings for me?"
"Oh come on, really? That man is so smitten with you it's written all over his face. I've been waiting for him to make his move. I'm guessing that he finally did?"
"Well, he didn't really come out and say he had feelings for me, but he did invite me out to dinner on Saturday."
"Really?"
"Really."
"It's about damn time! I'm so excited for you!" Emma squeals. Hesitantly, she adds, "You did say you'd go, didn't you?"
I laugh. "Of course I did! I may be foolish sometimes, but I'm not a fool." Suddenly, I feel that I need to reassure her about my feelings for Ice. There are times when she looks at me and I can see her questioning my feelings for him.
"Can I tell you something? When the club first took me in, it was Hawk who was always there for me. He and I became close and I always hoped that there would be more than friendship between us. But it never happened. When Ice started to take an interest in me, I had pretty much given up on Hawk," I lie. The last thing I want her to know is how deep my feelings for Ice run. Yeah, I know he will never be mine, but she doesn't need to know exactly how I feel about him.
I continue, "I knew that if I started a relationship with Ice, Hawk would back off. These boys don't mess with another brother's woman. I mentioned to Hawk one night that Ice had expressed an interest in me and he told me to go for it." I shrug. "I took that as him saying that he didn't want me. Looking back now, and knowing more about the club and the loyalty between the brothers, I realize that he was just stepping down for his prez."
"So, it was Hawk that you wanted all along?" she asks, and I can hear the hopeful tone in her voice. Even though everything I just said to her is a lie, it's what she needs to hear.
"At the time, yes. But as you know, I did fall in love with Ice." She knows that I loved him, so I can't lie here. "When Ice and I started dating, if that is what you want to call it, Hawk backed off completely. I even lost the friendship that we had built. Then you came into the picture."
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, Emma, don't be. At first, as you know, I was hurt and very jealous of you. But as time moved on and you and I became friends, I realized that it was always Hawk that I had wanted. During those early months, he and I developed a bond. I've always loved him, deeper than I could love any other man. I am really looking forward to our date next week." I think I've finally given her the reassurances that she wants. I care for Hawk, I really do, but I'm not in love with him. At least not yet, but I hope that our relationship will develop into something special.
"I think the feeling is mutual. I really do. I have watched him with you and it is so obvious. He chooses your company over anyone else." Emma pauses. "I hope it all works out for you."
"Me too!" And I realize at that moment, I really do.
"Hey, we need to go shopping next week before your date. Get you a killer outfit, get your hair and nails done, the works!" Emma suggests.
"Oh, I wish I could, but I really don't have the extra funds. Since the clubhouse burned down, I've lost a lot of money from tips from the bar. Things will pick back up when we move into the new clubhouse, but until then, I need to watch what I spend."
"I'm sorry, Honey. I didn't realize." She pauses and then asks, "Will you let me treat you? It would mean the world to me if you would."
"Why? Why would you want to do that?"Is this girl for real?I'm totally shocked by her offer.
"Well, there are a lot of things that you may or may not know about me. First of all, my family is loaded, which practically guarantees that I'll always have money. I have two trust funds and I earn a living. I know it sounds snooty, but money has never been a problem for me. I'm not one to spend money frivolously, but if I can spend some money on a friend to cheer her up or make her day, I'll do it. So, what do you say? Will you let me treat you to a girl's day out?"
"You would really do that for me?"
"Of course I would. What is the point of having all this money if I can't spend it to make a friend happy?"
I laugh. "It's a date!"
"Woohoo!" she exclaims. I am slowly finding out what it's like to have a true girlfriend.
Emma gets a lost look on her face and I ask, "Emma, are you ok?"
"Yeah, I was just thinking that the last time I had a girl's day out was with Brianne. It just makes me sad to think of all that she has endured because of Cade and me. Mark would never have targeted her if she weren't connected to me. I feel so guilty knowing that she is addicted to drugs and lying in a hospital bed totally out of it because of me."
"Can you go visit her?"
"Cade says not yet. Apparently, she is going through a detox right now and isn't herself, so to speak," she says.
"Oh, I see. I'm all too familiar with the whole detox thing. It's rough. I'm sorry." I pause and then add, "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to go with you when you do visit her."
"I would love that. I think I'm going to need all the moral support I can get, especially with Cade being gone. He said Hawk will be monitoring her progress while he is in Ireland and that Hawk will let me know when I can go see her."
"Honey, if you are sure you don't need any help, I'm gonna try to get some work done."
"Absolutely, hun. You do what you need to do."
She grabs her laptop and sets it up on the open spot on the counter, get herself a glass of tea, and turns from girlfriend to work mode.
