Chapter 2
I've been with the MC for two weeks now and I love it. Hawk let me pick out a room, which is perfect for me. I even have my own bathroom. I think this place was an old motel that was converted to meet the needs of the MC. All the rooms have their own bath. My room was the biggest vacant one, with a small sitting room that was separate from the bedroom.
The boys in the MC are really nice and are very respectful of me. I understand from Hawk that Ice laid down the law where I was concerned and I'm quickly learning that everyone does what Ice says. I guess that's why he's their president.
I've made friends with a couple of the guys, especially Hawk. He is such a sweet man and not bad to look at either. I mean, he's not Ice, nobody compares to Ice, but he's not bad. He keeps asking me about my past, but I'm just not ready to talk about it with him. Perhaps I should. Perhaps it would make it a lot easier to let things go if I do. Hell, I don't know.
The guys love the meals. At first, only a few guys showed up for dinner and I worried that my value to the club would wane and I would have to leave. But after word spread through the club, just about every member comes in for dinner when they can. It warms my heart to see them eat so heartily and the compliments just make my day. I'm definitely growing on them and absolutely love taking care of them.
Today is my cleaning day, so I have worked my way through the clubhouse cleaning the rooms on my side of the building and the common area. I haven't been in the upstairs portion of the other half of the building, but I guess that will need to be cleaned too. I know that Ice's room is over there and I hope it's ok that I clean it.
I walk up the stairs and get to the top. There's a small hallway with two closed doors. I open the first one. This is definitely Ice's room and surprisingly, it's neat and tidy. I walk over to the other room, expecting to find some type of sitting room, but I see that it's another bedroom. Interesting. This room is spacious like mine, with a queen-size bed on the center wall and a nightstand on each side of the bed. On the opposite wall is a dresser and in the corner is another door, which I assume is a closet, like mine. In the other corner is another door, which opens to a bathroom. It's clear that this room is vacant, which I find somewhat odd.Perhaps this is set aside for a special guest or something? It's definitely the nicest room in the place.
In the couple of weeks that I've been here, I haven't seen Ice with a woman and have often wondered why a man like him isn't taken. I make a mental note to ask Hawk about it. I doubt he will tell me anything, so I'm sure I will have to find a way to ask him without it looking like I'm prying. Which is exactly what I'll be doing, but he doesn't need to know that.
I quickly go about my business getting everything on this end of the building cleaned and make my way back downstairs. It's close to dinner time and I have to start getting things ready. Ice gives me a weekly allowance for food so that I can do the grocery shopping on my own and plan out my meals. I really couldn't ask for a better boss or a better situation.
I’ve just finished getting dinner put together when Hawk comes walking in.
"Whatcha doing, Honey?" All the boys now call me Honey; I love how Ice's nickname for me has stuck. I don't even think that any of them, besides Hawk and Ice, know my real name.
"Just got dinner in the oven. You eating with us tonight?" I ask him.
"Hell yeah. I wouldn't miss one of your meals," he replies and I smile. "Why don't you come and have a drink with me? There's something I want to ask you."
I look around the kitchen and see that everything is ready to go, so I agree. Wiping my hands on my apron, I take it off and lay it on the counter and follow Hawk out to the bar.
He goes behind the bar and gets a bottle of water from the cooler, then pours himself a beer. He doesn't even ask if I want one; he knows that I'd decline.
"So why don't you drink, Honey? Don't like the stuff?"
"No, I like it too much." I contemplate telling him that I am a recovering addict, but then I hesitate. What if he tells Ice and he kicks me out? "I do better with water, trust me," I add. Suddenly, memories of my past begin to clutter my mind.
Three years ago …
I have not had a fix in two days. “I can’t do this!” I scream. Nobody hears me because I am the only person in the room.
I am at the Mountainside Treatment Center in New York City. I finally made the decision three years after I left Edinboro to get myself clean. The abortion put me in a tailspin and over the course of the following years, I kept getting worse. My wakeup call came when I almost died of an overdose and landed myself in the hospital. But it’s only been two days…I can’t do it.
I quickly remind myself about what brought me here and begin to talk myself down. But these overpowering cravings are fighting to win. I just can’t let them. And, if the cravings aren’t bad enough, the vomiting, chills, tremors and the never-ending pain in my joints don’t make it any easier.
I’m quickly roused from my thoughts when I hear Hawk say, "Still not gonna tell me your story?"
"Nope." I take a drink of my water. "Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"
"No, actually…well, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date with me?"
I look at him curiously. "Why would you ask me that, Hawk? You heard what Ice said, I'm off limits."
"Oh darling, I heard him. You're off limits for a fuck and dump. That's not what I'm asking." He looks away shyly then turns back to me and says, "Look, I think we might have something here and I'm willing to pursue it and see where it goes."
I am completely thrown for a loop. Hawk and I have become friends and I would have to say that he is currently my closest friend, but I’ve never seen our relationship as anything more than that. I think back over the last couple of weeks and I'm sure that I never gave him any indication that I was interested in more. So why does he think that we have something between us?
"Oh Hawk, I like you. I really do, but I'm not ready to be dating anyone right now. There are things in my past that you don't know…"
"That's because you won't tell me," he quickly interrupts.
"Because I'm not ready to tell anybody, Hawk. It's not you, really, it's me." I cringe inside and think,Oh God, that sounds so clichéd. But it's the truth. Hopefully, he'll understand and will remain my friend.
