“Can we be honest, no lies?” he asks.
I nod. I’m defeated. There is no more fight left in me. I know exactly what he’s going to ask, and I need to tell him the truth. I can’t keep up with all the lies anymore. It’s getting just like before, and I am so out of control. “Tell me how long you have been using, for real this time.”
“Remember that kiss in the kitchen? Well, the next day was when I found out Hawk saw us. I couldn’t handle the guilt and called Slash. He’s my dealer from before. I’ve been using ever since.”
“I had a feeling.” The look of disappointment on his face tells me his opinion matters to me more than I’m willing to admit. “So you know what happens next?”
“Oh God, Sainte, please don’t send me back to rehab!”
He looks at me warily. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“I know, I know, but we can do this. You and me. I promise, I’ll do everything you say.” The last thing I want to do is get stuck in rehab for six weeks or more. I know I can beat this. I’m so willing to give it a try if Sainte will help me. “Please,” I beg him.
“Okay, we’ll try this without rehab. But one slip up, Honey, and off you go. You got it?”
I nod quickly. “I do!”
“First, give me all your stash. Everything. And mind you, I’ll be searching your room to make sure it is clean.”
“The only bag I have is downstairs, hidden behind the Maker’s Mark bottles.”
“What the fuck, Honey!” he exclaims. “What if a cop came in here? Do you have any idea the risk you have brought to this club by keeping that shit here!” He’s mad, and I totally understand. He’s right. He also doesn’t understand that when you need a hit, rational thought is not a contributing factor.
“I know. I’m sorry. You all were in your meeting, so it was me and a couple prospects. They’re clueless, so I didn’t think.”
“Hell yes, you didn’t think.” He gets up. “I’ll be right back, and we’re going through everything in this room. Got it?”
I nod, and he turns and leaves the room.
You can do this, Honey. You have to do this,I tell myself over and over while he is away. This club is my family, and the last thing I want is to lose my family. I already did that when I skipped town all those years ago. I haven’t talked to any of my blood family since then, and their lack of contact with me is clear they have no desire to see me. This club is all I got.
A few minutes later, he’s back, bag in hand. Just seeing it, I want it. He walks straight into the bathroom and I hear the toilet flush. “All right, now you just sit tight while I look around.”
“That’s all I had,” I say defensively.
“Perhaps, but you’ve already burned me once. I’m not letting it happen a second time. Ice wasn’t only mad at you; he was pissed at me too. I told him I had you under control. Obviously, after this afternoon’s outburst, I didn’t. It stops now.” He rummages through my drawers, digs through my closet, and checks under my mattress and in my pillowcases.
Damn, I never thought to hide it there.
He goes into the bathroom, and I hear things banging around. He comes out empty-handed.
“Now, I want you to call your buddy Slash and set up a meeting with him. I’d like to have a few words with him.”
“Sainte, no, you can’t do that.”
“Oh, hell yes I can. Call him.”
I reluctantly do as he says and call him. I pray he doesn’t answer and can’t even begin to say how disappointed I am when he does.
“Hey, baby, you want more of my dick?”
I cringe at his words.Oh God, no.I set the meetup for an hour from now. When I disconnect the line, I say, “One hour, McDonald’s on Plum Street.”
“Hand over your phone and the keys to your car.”
“But—”
“No arguments. It’s my way or the highway, doll. Hand them over.”
