“It’s not your fucking time! Fight this, Hawk, like you’ve fought everything else.” When I realize nothing I say is gonna change the outcome, I say, defeated, “What the fuck are we gonna do without you?”
“I’ve watched you grow with this club for years. You’re a born leader. Your father would be so fucking proud of you, just like I am.”
“Don’t you fucking say good-bye! You’re not fucking going anywhere, Hawk. Fight this, dammit.”
“Caden, listen to me, please. You have to accept this. The sooner you do, the easier it will be on the rest of the club and the girls. They will look to you for support and guidance. More so than they do now.”
I rake my fingers through my hair. “This is so fucked up. I refuse to accept that this is the way it has to be. I need you, man.” I grab his hand. “We’ve got plans for this club. We were gonna do this together.”
“I know, but it’s my time.” He takes a labored breath. “Now, I need you to do some things for me.”
Clarity washes over me as I realize I’m no longer in control. Hawk is gonna die, and there’s not a fucking thing I can do to stop it. Ever since I chose the MC life, I’ve always been in control, except for one time.Ace.It’s happening now all over again, and I’m not handling it any better than I did then.
“Anything.” I sigh in frustration. I have no choice, and it will be better for him if I calm down and do what he asks. I shouldn’t be upsetting him, and more importantly, he needs to know I am on his side. The best thing I can do for him now is give him what he wants and accept this.
“First of all, I need to speak to Honey. Can you have her come in when we’re done? I really wanted things to work out for us, but I couldn’t get past her obsession with you and Sainte.”
“Sainte?” Did I miss something? Have I been so wrapped up in this Vitali shit that I missed him moving in on my VP’s old lady? And why me? I thought that was ancient history. Is she really still hung up on me? I’ll be sure to nip that in the bud as soon as we get back.
“You’ll find out soon enough. And it’s not what you are thinking. Believe me, I don’t hold it against either of you. It was all her. She was torn with her feelings from when she was with you and the growing feelings she is having for Sainte. She stuck with me ’cause I was safe. She needs direction, Ice, and I believe Sainte is the man to give it to her.”
“Okay, I get it. I’ll do what I can to help her along. What else?”
“You raise that baby right. You’re gonna have a strong healthy boy, Caden, and he’s gonna have your strength and his mother’s tenacity.”
“How do you know it’s gonna be a boy?” I ask. Hawk always thought he had at sixth sense about things.
He looks up as if he is looking into the heavens. “I know these things.” He adjusts himself on the bed and lets out a soft groan. I barely hear it over the subtle beeps of the monitors. “Keep moving the club in the direction you’re going. The illegal shit has to stop. You’re on the right track, just don’t get sidetracked.”
“You’ve always known that was my plan, but if it makes you feel better, I’ll stay focused. I promise.” Fuck, it was our plan, but something always got in the way. We would move forward a step and then get pulled back two. From now on, it’s gonna be this club’s number one priority, which is a promise I can definitely keep.
He takes a deep breath. He’s struggling more now. “I don’t know how much longer I’ve got. Can you get Honey? Gotta get this shit over with.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” I get up and walk toward the door. I feel as though this is the last time I will ever talk to Hawk, and part of me doesn’t want to leave his side. But he’s counting on me. He has things he needs to say, and I’m not the only one he needs to say good-bye to. This club loves him, and fuck we’re all gonna be broken for a while when he goes.
I step out into the doorway, and Michael is standing there. “Hey,” I say.
“I’m really sorry, man.” He puts his hand on my shoulder.
“I know. It’s part of the life, but it fucking sucks. We all know it, and we all understand it, but it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow when it happens.”
“Listen, I’m gonna talk to the nurses and see what I can do to get more of you in to see him. I’ll call Dr. Siegel if I have to and get him to intervene.”
“Thank you. The others sure would appreciate it.” I turn back toward the waiting room, and Michael walks to the nurses’ station to work his Vitali magic.
Rebel walks up to me as I walk in, and asks in a low voice, “How is he?”
I shake my head. I don’t have to say anything. He knows.
“Damn,” he says. “Can I go see him?”
“Right now, he wants Honey, but Michael is working on getting more in the room at a time. I promise, brother, he has things to say. He will fight this as long as he can to say what he needs to. Hawk has never been one not to get his say in.” We both chuckle, and it helps ease the fucking sadness tearing away at my heart for a brief second.
Honey, Emma, and Ari are sitting in the corner of the waiting room. I walk toward them, and Emma gets up and pulls me into a hug. “How is he?” she asks.
I kiss her on the cheek and whisper in her ear, “It’s not good, babe.” She steps back and looks at me as tears well in her eyes.
“Honey.” I kneel in front of her. “He wants to see you,” I say softly.
