After Tiny delivered the things I asked for and Honey and I put them away in somewhat of an organized manner on her dresser, I could see she was getting antsy. She was pacing the room. The more I encouraged her to work it out, the more agitated she got. I gave her a bottle of water, her vitamins, and some melatonin. The melatonin seemed to take the edge off enough to help her fall asleep. As I watch her sleep peacefully, I think to myself,Enjoy that peace, darlin’, because shit is about to hit the fan.
I hate what she is about to go through, and if I could prevent it, I would. Unfortunately, she has to be the one do this. The only way she’s gonna get better is to get worse.
She tosses and turns in her sleep and then wakes up with a scream. “Get them off me!”
I rush to the bed and pull her into my arms. “There’s nothing on you.”
She’s rubbing her hands along her arms. “Spiders are crawling all over me. Get them off me, Sainte, please,” she begs and begins to cry.And the hell begins.
I rub her arms as if I am shooing them away, and her hysterics subside. She clings to me as she whimpers. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. Tonight is gonna be the worst, but we will get through it together.” I walk to the dresser and grab a bottle of water and a protein bar. After opening the top on the bottle and tearing the package on the bar, I hand them to her and say, “Here, eat this, and you need to drink lots of water.”
She takes the bottle and protein bar and takes a big gulp of water. “I’m not hungry, Sainte.”
“I don’t care. You need protein. Now eat it.”
Reluctantly, she does as she’s told.
“That’s a good girl,” I say. When she finishes the water and the protein bar, she lies back down.
“I fucking hate this,” she says as she rolls on her side toward me. “Are you gonna stay with me all night?”
“I told you; we are glued at the hip.”
“Thank you, Sainte. I don’t know why you are doing this, and I’m sure I’ll tell you more of how much I hate you before the night is over, but I really appreciate it.”
I chuckle. “I’ll try to remember those words when you’re throwing shit at me.”
“Maybe you should just wean me off?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Nope, doesn’t work that way. Besides, I flushed it, remember?” I stop and think.Unless she didn’t give it all up. “You don’t have more stashed away somewhere?” I swear if she lied to me earlier, there will be hell to pay. I’ll put the damn feisty bitch over my knee and spank her ass. Knowing her, she’d probably like it.
“No, I gave you everything, but you have my phone. We could call Slash.”
“Nope,” I say as I sit on the bed next to her. “You know that shit will kill you, right?” I ask. “Do you know you are not only burning a hole through your nose, fucking up your brain, and destroying your life, you’re also setting yourself up to die? Cocaine will kill you.”
“I know.” Silent tears roll down her cheeks.
“Then why?”
She doesn’t answer, just shakes her head. She has no idea. Most addicts don’t. They just know that for a few minutes, the real world doesn’t hurt so much. “I’m gonna be here for you. I will give you whatever you need, but I will not enable you to get more coke. I refuse to watch you die, Honey.”
“Now it’s my turn to ask you why. Why are you doing this?”
I chuckle. “I would have thought you would have figured that out by now.”
She smiles, shaking her head. “Nope, don’t have a clue.”
Now I don’t know if she really doesn’t know or if she is playing coy. “Because Ice told me to,” I retort back, and she pouts. We need to change the subject. I’m not ready to discuss feelings with her, and she is definitely not ready to hear them. “How about I read to you? I had Tiny pick up that smutty novel you mentioned earlier.” I have to keep her mind off the coke as much as I can.
“Okay,” she says meekly. I know she’s disappointed that I didn’t cave and call Slash, but I also think that deep down, she knew I wouldn’t.
I watch her curiously for a moment, and for brief second, I believe she’s also disappointed I didn’t give her the answer she was fishing for when she asked me why. One day, she’ll get the answer, but not today.
I pick up the book calledRipperby Amy Cecil. I’ve never heard of this author before, but I also heard Emma talking to Ice about this book the other day. She said it was romantic and suspenseful. Looking at the book, I roll my eyes. Oh, well. The title does intrigue me, and I’m hoping a book involving Jack the Ripper will be a little less like a chick book and something maybe even I could get in to.
“Okay, get comfy and relax.” I get up and pull the covers back, then get into the bed with her. Looking down at her, I ask, “You good?”
