“I’ve got pretty much everything done, but if you could make a salad, that would be a big help. It’s really hard for me to stand in one place and cut up all the veggies.”
I walk over to the fridge and open it. “Of course I can,” I say as I pull lettuce and veggies out. I grab a bowl from the cabinet and take everything to the table where Emma is sitting. I sit in the chair and start cutting.
Emma looks at me curiously. “I never thought to sit down at the table while doing that.” She chuckles. “Just goes to show you that pregnant brain is a real thing.” She hesitates, and things begin to get awkward between us. Then she says, “You know, Honey. I’m here if you need me. I know we’ve been at odds lately, but I still consider you my friend, and I love you.”
I really can’t speak to her right now, so I nod.
“You don’t have to talk about it now. I understand, but I just want you to know you are not alone.”
I can’t help the tears that well in my eyes.Fuck! I hate it when I look weak.I nod again, and silence falls between us. I really need to make amends with her, and this is the perfect opportunity. But fuck, I’m having a hard time getting the words out.Why is it so hard to tell her I am sorry? Why do I hate her? Why do I still wish things were the way they used to be before she came back into Ice’s life?I’ve got so much shit to work through. Not five minutes ago, I was feeling that all this hatred was a waste, but now I’m back to hating her again.
About fifteen minutes later, the salad is made. I get up from the chair, pull the plates and silverware out, and set everything up on the table. Just as I turn back toward the cabinet to get more plates, Emma makes a surprised sound. I quickly turn back, and she has her hand on her belly, and she is smiling.The baby kicked.
She looks up at me and asks, “Wanna feel?”
At first I want to say hell no, but something inside me is drawn to the baby. I do wanna feel him or her kick. I nod and walk toward her. She takes my hand and places it on the spot, and I feel it. It is the most amazing feeling, and I can’t help the tears. But these are happy tears. I look up at Emma, and all the hatred and jealousy I have been feeling toward her disappears.
Sainte and Ice walk in, and Ice rushes to Emma. She has tears too, so he asks, “What’s wrong?”
She smiles. “He kicked.”He? Do they know? Did I miss that? Was I so wrapped up in myself that I totally missed it?
I stand to allow Ice to feel his child, and Emma does the same with him as she did with me, taking his hand and placing it on her belly. He holds his hand there a few seconds and then he gets the biggest smile on his face. I see pure joy emanate from both of them, and I realize for the hundredth time, they are truly in love. They always have been.
“Holy fuck!” Ice says.
“Caden, he will hear you!” Emma scolds, and Sainte and I can’t help but laugh.
“He?” I ask.
Emma laughs. “We don’t know. I’m sure it’s a boy, and Cade is convinced it’s a girl. He was sure it was a boy at first, but then somewhere down the road, he changed his mind.”
“So you guys never did the gender thing?” I’m so out of touch with everyone. I’ve been so drowning in my own sorrows, I have not taken the time to even know what’s going on with my friends.
Emma shakes her head. “Nope, we didn’t want to know.” She turns back toward Ice who is still resting his hand on her belly.
Suddenly I feel like an intruder. I turn toward Sainte, and he nods. I don’t even have to tell him; he gets it. We both quietly leave the room.
Once we’re out of the kitchen, Sainte grabs my hand and says, “We need to talk about tomorrow.” He pulls me toward the stairs, not giving me a chance to respond. We head upstairs and straight to my room.My jail.
“Sainte, what’s going on?” I ask as I walk into my room. He follows behind and sits on the bed. He pats the space next to him.
“Sit,” he says, and even though I prefer to stand, thejump-how-highstatement flashes in my brain. So I sit. “So how are you?” He asks.
I look at him oddly, then look away. “I’m fine, Sainte.” I thought we had to talk about tomorrow night.
He takes off his shoes and turns on the bed, bringing both legs up, and he sits cross-legged.What the fuck is going on?I think to myself.
He gestures for me to do the same, so I do. He takes both of my hands into his and asks again, “How are you, Honey? And this time when you answer, look me in the eye.”
I look up at him. “Not so good,” I reply honestly.
“Talk to me,” he says. “That’s what I’m here for.”
I smirk. “Oh really, and here I thought you were hanging around to make me crazy.”
He smiles. “Well yeah, that too.” He pauses, and his face turns serious. “Come on, Honey, talk.”
I release my hands from his. “Well, right now, I want a hit.” I look down at my hands folded in my lap. “But when we were at the spa, I didn’t think about it once. As soon as I got back here, I immediately wanted some coke.”
