“Jayden?” I say, and she glances up at me. We are so close. I can kiss her now, and it would be perfect; I know it. I lean in, and I see confusion come across her face, but she doesn’t look away. She’s not saying no. It’s the perfect time. Neither of us are dating anyone. If I don’t make my move now, I will never get her to see me in that way. I lean in closer and can feel her sweet breath on my lips.
She licks her lips in anticipation, and I can’t hold back anymore. I brush my lips with hers, and she kisses me back. Is this really happening? I deepen the kiss and feel as if I have died and gone to heaven. Her lips were meant for mine. It’s easy and natural. When I break apart from her, not because I want to but because I need to take a breath, she leans back and looks me in the eye.
I wait in anticipation for her to say everything I have waited years to hear.
“Jake, I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
It’s not exactly what I had hoped for.
“Dan Sanders asked me out today, and well, I said yes.” She looks down at her hands, which are now folded in her lap. “It wouldn’t be fair to him, and besides, we’re friends. We wouldn’t want to ruin that, right?”
Her words cut right through me. I thought for sure we finally had gotten to the place we needed to be to see what there is between us. I know for a fact there has always been something, but apparently now is not the time. “Yeah, you’re right,” I say, agreeing with her.
We continue to hang, and for the first time since we’ve become friends, it starts to feel awkward. It’s a strange feeling, one I can’t shake. It lingers for a while, but by the time we were ready to leave, it is as if nothing happened.
***
Jayden and Dan dated for about three months and then they broke up. Jayden never really dated anyone for a long time, except for Randy. I’ve been there for her with all her break-ups, and it seems like this one hit her pretty badly, but I am not sure why. They didn’t date very long, but she is upset.
“What am I gonna do?” she cries as if the world is ending.
“What do you mean, what are you gonna do? You’ve been through break-ups before, and it’s not like you were madly in love with the guy, right?”
“I don’t know!” she cries, and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. Like I said, I’ve seen her go through a few guys, and I’ve never seen her this upset, except for Randy. When I finally got it out of her why she was so upset about Randy, she said she did like him, but she also liked the idea of dating a guy older than her and in high school. I guess that is a cool thing to do among the girls in my class. Frankly, I don’t get it.
I reach for her chin and direct it to make her look at me. “Jayden, you are going to hold your head high and get over this. Yeah, you and Dan clicked. Maybe you love him, maybe you don’t. You don’t know. But right now, you need to show him you are better than him and be proud.”
She sniffles. “You sound like a coach.”
I can’t help but laugh. She’s right, I do. She’s still looking at me, and I want to kiss her. Maybe she will finally agree. I know for sure she is not seeing anyone now. I lean in and brush my lips with hers. Before I can take more, she leans back.
“Jake, no. We have talked about this, and I don’t want to do anything that will ruin our friendship. You are my best friend, and if I lose you and our friendship, I’ll have nobody.”
“But, Jayden, we can have so much more. Just give us a try.” I try to plead with her, but she isn’t gonna budge. Her standoffish stance tells me everything.
“I’m sorry, Jake. I truly am. I love you. But I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t lose me.”
“I will. I just know it!” She’s getting angry now, and I realize I better quit pushing.
I turn on my usual cocky charm. “Fine, but it’s your loss.”
Her defenses drop, and she laughs. “So sure of yourself, Starr.”
“Always,” I reply.
“I wonder how sure of yourself you will be when I tell Susie about this little conversation,” she teases.
I realize what she is saying, and it hits me. She said no because I am supposedly dating someone, and I am making the moves on her. She would never accept that from a guy she dated, even me. What a shit I am. “Wow, you really know how to make a guy feel bad.”
“Not my intention. Just wanted to remind you, you are seeing someone, and no matter how good of friends we are or how close we are, she is your girlfriend.”
“You’re right. I promise it won’t happen again. Well, at least while I am seeing someone else.”
“Good.”
Chapter 3
