“People have different beliefs about the afterlife.” She leans back in her chair and crosses her legs. “Let me ask you this: Have you ever felt Jayden’s presence? Has it ever felt so real, you could swear she was standing right next to you?”
“Yes, all the time, but not so much in the last few days.”
“See, that’s exactly what I am saying. I am a strong believer that when our loved ones die, especially unexpectedly, they have unfinished business here on earth. They make sure those who are left behind are healing. Jayden had so much love in her heart, she wants to be there for you in your darkest hours. Now, she is seeing you heal. You get better and better every day, and so she can ‘go on’ knowing you are well.”
“I never thought about it like that.”
“All the ‘you must go on with your life’ comments and ‘this is what Jayden would want’ comments are true. They made you angry many months ago, but now you understand they are true statements, and once you get to this point, you will be able to live again, even with the loss.”
I left her office that day realizing everything she said was right. I savor all the memories I had with Jayden. They alone bring my heart to pound through my chest and my eyes to well with tears. I need to honor Jayden’s memory by getting off that ledge and living again.
Now when seven in the morning comes, I still get my coffee and go sit on the front porch, but I am back to reading my paper. Sometimes, thoughts of Jayden come to me, other times not. She has moved on, and so have I. Her memory will stay in my heart wherever I go.
Chapter 9
2013
It’s been five years since Jayden passed. There are days she will be on my mind all day and other days I don’t even think of her. And that’s all right. I’m still working at the airport, and I really like my job, especially the fact I don’t have to work full time.
My dad passed a couple of years ago, and the extra time has afforded me time to help my mom. I keep telling her I will build her a small cottage on my property, but she insists she wants to stay in the house she shared with Dad. She likes being close to Harold, Jayden’s dad. I chuckle at the thought. I think their shared loneliness has brought them closer together, and I really like that she has somebody other than just her son to bring her some companionship. They are both getting up there in age, and I know their relationship is mainly a friendship, but it is still nice to see. And if my mother is doing it, that is too much information for me, and I don’t want to know. Seriously though, they spend a lot of time going to church functions, like mass of course, but also bingo and bus trips for seniors to various touristy spots. I’m glad because it gets her out of the house.
I’m still living alone; Katie is my one and only. I never thought I would say this, and if Dr. Chandler were here right now, I would deny it, but I’ve been thinking lately that I might like to meet a nice girl, maybe get married again… find some happiness. It’s not that I am unhappy, but sharing my life is a different kind of happiness and not one I can experience with my dog. Although, Katie would disagree. I was right, she is smarter than me.
Some of my high school buddies are still around, and every month, we have a guys’ night out at one of the local bars. They are all married, and while it would be nice to hang out with the guys more often, their wives are definitely not as cool as Jayden was and most definitely would not understand. Jayden would have, but she was used to me being gone for a long time. I think she enjoyed some of the alone time after I had been home for a while. She was one of a kind.
I smile at the memory of her. Dr. Chandler was right about that too. I go days, weeks, and sometimes months when I don’t think about her. Then something will pop in my head, and I see her beautiful smile in my mind’s eye. I smile back at her, reveling in her image and her memory.
Tonight I’m meeting the guys at Psycho Susie’s. That’s really the name of the bar, and it istheSusie. Susie, the girl I dated in high school, never went to college. She stayed in the small town we live in and married Ted Pickens, my high school football buddy. She became Susie Pickens, and from what Ted says, being married to Susie is like being married to Katherina from Shakespeare’sTaming of theShrew. When he bought the bar, he says Susie was so mad at him and went apeshit. He said it was like she suddenly became psychotic, so he named it Psycho Susie’s, in honor of her. Thankfully, Susie thinks it’s funny and jokes about it. I see her there from time to time, and every time I do, I thank God I dodged that one and went with my feelings for Jayden. Even though she is gone, I would never trade those years we had together for anything.
When I get there, the guys haven’t arrived yet. I walk up to the bar and order a beer. While I wait, I notice a couple at the end of the bar, arguing. The man is towering over the woman, who is sitting on a bar stool. He doesn’t seem to care that everyone in the bar can hear him.
“Woman, I told you to go home. I want you out of my sight. Be the good little housewife you are and go home with your kids.”
“But, Jeff, we never spend time together. Mama is watching the kids. Can’t we have a night out together?”
“Your mother is a grandma, not a babysitter. Haven’t you figured it out yet? You are the last person I want to spend time with. Besides, my date will be here any minute. Now go home!”
I am so confused. Are they married? Obviously, there are kids involved. Are they his? Maybe they’re just dating? In either case, from what I can see, he’s cheating on her, and he’s a jackass.
She gets up from the barstool with tears in her eyes. She lays ten dollars on the counter and says, “Here, Ted, thank you.”
The asshole grabs the money from Ted and places it in his pocket. “Don’t you dare pay him for telling you I was here. Bartenders who spy on their customers don’t get rewarded.”
The girl looks at Ted apologetically. “That’s all the cash I can spare. The rest is for cab fare to get home.”
Ted winks at the woman and says, “Don’t you worry, dear. You get yourself home safely. Give those twin girls of yours a big hug from their Uncle Ted.”
Realization hits me. She’s Ted’s little sister, Sawyer. She was three years behind us in school, and if I didn’t just witness the interaction between her and Ted, I would have never believed it to be the same girl. She turns to leave, and I rush out behind her. The last thing I hear is Ted telling Jeff to leave his bar and meet his slut somewhere else.Good for you, Ted.
When I get outside, I see Sawyer sitting on the bench outside the bar. Before I approach her, Jeff rushes past me, not even noticing she is still here. I walk up to the bench and ask, “Sawyer?”
Her head is in her hands, and she is crying. She looks up at me.
She’s beautiful.
“Yes?”
“I’m not sure if you remember me, but I went to school with your brother. I’m Jake.”
