“There is no need to feel that way,” said Miss Lucas. “When it comes to marriage, every gentleman likes something different. Some care very little about your complexion and care more for your figure. Some only look for a lady who is pleasant or kind or cheerful or humorous. I cannot count the number of times I have heard one lady or another complimented by some gentleman within my hearing for at least a hundred different things. Why just a couple of weeks ago, I heard Mr. Goulding say how nice your smile is.”
“Mr. Alan Goulding?” asked Miss King incredulously. Alan Goulding was only a couple of years older than Miss King, and he had shown no real interest in any local lady.
“Not him. His Father,” said Miss Lucas.
“But he is sixty years old,” cried Miss King. “Why would I want a compliment from a wrinkly old man who has been married for donkey’s years?”
“Because it proves my point,” said Miss Lucas. “You have a nice smile, wonderfully naturally curly hair, and a pleasant personality. Honestly, you are the kindest lady in the neighborhood. There are plenty of gentlemen who would consider themselves lucky if they could win your admiration.”
“Just not Jacob,” said Miss King quietly.
“My brother is not looking for a wife right now,” said Miss Lucas firmly. “When he does finally get around to it, I am certain you have just as much chance as anyone.”
“I have heard that a woman in love is far more beautiful and attractive than she might otherwise be,” said Mary. If true, it was likely that such was the reason she had been asked to dance so much at the assembly.
“Why would that be, do you think?” asked Miss King.
“I am not certain why, but I do believe it is true,” said Mary. “Perhaps it is because it makes you happy, and a happy countenance makes you prettier. Or perhaps it is because it simply makes you brighter or lighter. I do not know. But if it is true, then you have just as much chance of winning Jacob’s affection as any other lady if you truly love him.”
“Oh, I do hope it is true,” said Miss King. “I don’t think I love him now. It is just admiration, but given the slightest encouragement, it could certainly bloom into love easily enough.”
“I truly wish you luck,” said Mary.
The conversation shifted back to discussing last night’s events, and time slowly moved on.
At half past one, The Mary Circle broke up. Miss King and Miss Lucas left for home, and Mary headed upstairs to don her outerwear. Once her pelisse was buttoned up completely, she put the letter to Mr. Porter in her pocket. Then she put her bonnet on and turned toward the door.
As she reached for the handle, she paused and turned around. On a whim, she reached under her bed for her bow and quiver. Then she headed outside.
Chapter 11
Unhappy as the event must be for Lydia, we may draw from it this useful lesson: that loss of virtue in a female is irretrievable; that one false step involves her in endless ruin; that her reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful; and that she cannot be too much guarded in her behaviour towards the undeserving of the other sex.Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice (p. 167).
For years afterward, Mary often asked herself why she decided to bring her archery equipment out with her that day, but she could never give herself a satisfactory answer. The best approximation she could come up with was that she wished to share her hobby with someone, and no one but Mr. Porter knew about it.
He was waiting for her when she arrived at the little footbridge even though she was ten minutes early. He was already looking at her from the moment she saw him, and he watched her steadily as she approached.
His steady gaze should have made her uncomfortable or self-conscious, but instead it warmed her insides almost as much as the warm spring sun had warmed her skin before she stepped into the shade of the woods. She was grateful that her cheeks were already slightly pink from her exercise, since they must hide the blush she knew was growing there.
Once she was near enough for chatting to be easy, he said, “I see you have not brought your sketch pad.” He was eyeing her bow and quiver curiously.
“You once told me you had practiced archery in your youth,” she said. “I was wondering if perhaps you could give me some tips. I admit that I am completely self-taught, and I am certain there are many things I must be doing incorrectly.”
“If that is your wish, I will be happy to assist, but first you must tell me why you refused to dance with me last night.”
Mary looked away from the pain in his eyes. She could not bear to see it. “I…I could not,” she said lamely.
“That is no reason,” he said. “That is merely repeating what you said last night.”
Mary breathed in deeply as she gathered her thoughts as well as she could. “I have a reputation in this neighborhood, you see. I am known as one of the plainest, most boring girls, and I have been for as long as I can remember. If I had danced with you, however, I would have been so happy that everyone around me would have taken notice. I would have been the subject of gossip for weeks.”
“So, you refused me out of fear of being the subject of gossip?” She nodded. “Miss Bennet, you are the furthest thing from boring of any lady I have ever known. Why do you insist on hiding it?”
She looked back at his face. The pain was gone but in its place was a heat she could not describe or understand, but it made her even warmer than her exercise had done. She had to look away again, or she felt as if she might burn up completely.
“Here we are back on the subject of honesty,” she said. “You once declared that you cared little for perfection in music, only for emotional honesty from the performer. I replied that sucha thing was difficult and risky. This is merely the same thing. I cannot bear the critical stares and reproachful glances that would come if I were truly myself in company.”
She paused and looked back at his face. The warmth was still there, but it was colored by confusion. So, she explained further. “I am one of five daughters. Three of my sisters were incredibly socially forward. They sought attention more than anything, though my older sister would never admit it. And no matter how poor their behavior, they always got the attention they sought. Honestly, I was no better. I, too, sought praise and attention, but my results were not the same. For me, the more I tried, the less attention I got.”
