It was at least partly because of her that John had taken to declining any invitations that were not card parties. After speaking with her, observing her, and wondering if, beneath the veneer, she was still the same passionate young lady he had known, no other lady held any appeal whatsoever.
Besides, at least with card parties, there was no need to even pretend to flirt or respond to others’ flirtations. Everyone knew his focus would be entirely on the game.
The other part of his reason for avoiding matchmaking was that he was determined to show at least some respect for his departed wife. He had shown her little enough in her lifetime. The least he could do was show her such respect after her passing. No matter what the temptation, he had no intention of marrying before half a year of mourning was over, and he wasn’t certain he wished to marry at all.
John was convinced Richard would make a far better Earl of Matlock than John did. If only Richard was married, John would not even think of remarrying. For some reason, however, Richard seemed intent on remaining a bachelor.
John was just pondering on how irritating his brother’s lack of a wife was when Richard, himself, walked into the room.
Before Richard could even give him a greeting, John grumbled, “Why are you so unwilling to get married?”
Richard sighed and flopped into a comfortable chair nearby. “Not you, too,” he said. “I just finished listening to a thirty-minute lecture from Mother on that very subject.”
“I will drop the subject if you just give me a good reason,” said John. “One of us has to marry, and I need to know why it can’t be you.”
Richard stared off into space for so long that John began to think he would not answer. Eventually, however, Richard said, “I cannot marry. I have already found the perfect woman, but she is not available. I simply cannot bring myself to court someone else much less marry them.”
“You…what?” said John eloquently.
Richard gave him a slightly humorous but slightly scathing look. “Please don’t make me say it again,” he said.
“Who is she?” asked John after a brief pause.
Richard did not answer, so John mentally reviewed all the ladies of their acquaintance that were married or otherwise not available, searching for one who Richard might have some amount of affection for.
One did arise to the surface, but John simply could not believe it when he first had the thought. There was only one lady that Richard spent time with outside of formal socialengagements. There was only one lady who always made Richard smile no matter what kind of mood he was in.
“You can’t mean Mrs. Darcy,” said John before thinking whether he should.
His brother grimaced in pain but made no response.
“You knew her before she married Darcy,” said John. “If you thought her perfect, why didn’t you propose?”
“I couldn’t afford to,” said Richard. “She had almost no dowry whatsoever, and I knew my own income was insufficient to care for us both. For months after she married Darcy, I resented him heartily. I also regretted my decision not to speak when I knew her at Rosings, for I am fairly certain she would have accepted me had I done so. In the end, however, I realized that I could never have made her as happy as Darcy does. So, I am content to merely bask in her light as often as I can.”
John could not agree with Richard’s feelings for Mrs. Darcy. He thought the lady pleasant and witty enough. He simply didn’t find her relatable. It was as if she was always showing off in some way or other, though John was nearly certain it was unintentional on her part. She was a genuinely kind lady, after all.
“Surely, it can’t be so difficult to find a wife for you,” said Richard, breaking into John’s musings. “You aren’t exactly attached to any one lady, after all, and you certainly aren’t set on a love match. I can’t count the number of times you complained about the folly of marrying Natalie out of love.”
“Perhaps I was wrong,” said John. His mind went back to her last three months of life, when John had learned to love her again. He wondered, as he had occasionally done in the past, whether it was his fault that he had fallen out of love in thefirst place. Had he not paid her enough attention? Had he not respected her enough? Had he simply not cared?
Richard looked at him with a confused expression on his face. “Wrong about what?”
John shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I was right that love does not automatically make for a perfect marriage, but perhaps I was wrong to not try harder to keep it alive. I don’t know, really. Who can say what might have been?”
As this last question passed through his mind, his focus shifted from Natalie to Miss Bennet. He had ruined his chances with her just as certainly as he had ruined his marriage with Natalie. After his betrayal of her trust, she would never forgive him. She was forever out of reach just as much as Mrs. Darcy was out of Richard’s reach.
“Let’s not think of this any longer,” said Richard. “You have no need to marry right away. You are clearly still in mourning, and it would not be fair to either you or your potential bride for you to force yourself immediately.”
John sighed. “I suppose you are correct, Brother. Let us talk of something else.”
~~~~~
As the day of Elizabeth’s card party approached, Mary’s nervousness grew. Though it hadn’t been said outright, Mary was certain Elizabeth would not hold a party in her home without inviting Mr. Darcy’s cousins, and she was certain that both Colonel Fitzwilliam and Lord Matlock would accept.
Colonel Fitzwilliam would accept simply because he was quite a sociable man and because he was a close friend to the family. He had joined the Darcys for dinner once or twice aweek since Mary’s arrival, and he had a way of livening up the conversation whenever he was there. Lord Matlock, on the other hand, was unlikely to turn down an opportunity to play cards. If it had been a dinner party, he might have declined, but never a card party.
The day of the party, the house was a flurry of activity. The kitchen strained to put out enough refreshments for the forty guests that had accepted Elizabeth’s invitation, and the servants were unusually busy making certain that not a speck of dust showed anywhere.
