I know, son.
Instead of replying, I opened the box and my mouth immediately after as I stared at the small mountain of cocaine. Running my tongue across my teeth and gums, I could almost feel the high, and I had touched the drug just hours ago.
Clank clash
My hands flew up as Shio stood over my desk. Powder was smeared across the surface, and the black box was shattered on the floor now. My eyes met his, and the menacing glare in his was enough to make me want to concede, as if I weren’t a grown man and he a child.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” He looked me up and down before storming out of the office.
Dipping my pinky in the residue, I rubbed it across my gums, shuddering at the tingling sensation. Closing my eyes, I repeated the motion.
“First John, chapter four, verse eighteen.”
BoomBoom
Slamming the worn notebook shut at the sound of pounding, I looked at the locked door. “¿Si?”
Boom Boom Boom
Putting the notebook down, I stood, exited the bathroom, and went to the steel door.
“It’s me, Bella. I’m sliding Walmart bags in the slot. I grabbed you a few things. I also got you some food.”
“Gracias, Bella…”
The slot opened, and bags and food were pushed through. I held my breath, hoping that she would leave. I appreciated the company from the young ones some days, but today, I did not care for it. I’d been grateful that Italian had only left my food and didn’t bait me for much conversation earlier. Mahzeyah had to have been here because that was the only time he seemed occupied.
“Aite, I’m gone, Solana.”
The slot slammed shut, and I heard her feet ascending the stairs. Instead of looking through the bags, I went back to the bathroom and grabbed the phone. The voice message I’d sent showed “kept” as the first one had, meaning he’d listened to it and saved it.
Swallowing air, I pressed record again.
“I apologize. I do care, Shio. I care so much. The many days here, my mind is crazy. Please forgive me. I care a lot. I care so much about you. You are important to me, Shio.”
Sending the message, I placed the phone on the bathroom counter. Going back into the room, I began removing the pajamas and haircare products from the bags. I was so grateful for Bella because she had gotten high-quality products, and I could tell from the packaging. Hopefully, after another hot bath, sleep would come easily.
Weightless
“Arghhh! Arghhhh! Arggghhh!”
Rubbing my hand into my head as my face burned, I pulled at my scalp that felt like it was on fire. A million needles felt like they were being injected into my follicles at record speed. I couldn’t breathe because of the pain.
I’d gotten up to use the bathroom, and each time I took a step, it felt like I was dragging a ton of bricks behind me at the ankle. I dropped to the floor, exhaustion overcoming me, and the longer I lay on my back, the more cemented I felt. Sleep had been better the last few days, but every time I woke up, I experienced a new type of pain.
Pain mentally. Pain physically. Pain emotionally.
Reaching up, I rubbed my chest slowly, hoping to relieve the weight that seemed pressed into my cavity and robbing me of my next breath.
I’d been religiously working out and had even cut back on eating so much, but still, it felt as if I weighed a ton. I knew it wasn’t physical weight. I was sane enough to see that nothing was attached to my body. I was carrying weight mentally. There was so much baggage within me that made me feel as if I were sinking from just the minor thoughts of my life.
Suddenly, everything was too much. The light was too bright, and the silence was too loud. I closed my eyes since I was staring at the white ceiling, and the stark color was becoming too much as well. Then, the darkness was too overwhelming, making me feel as though I was falling into an endless black hole. Being in this room was too suffocating. Being alone was too noisy. When I tried to use the TV to drown out the quiet, the sounds wouldonly make my head hurt. Nothing I did could lift the weight, so my best option was to lie here and pray that I would feel better tomorrow.
Sssssk
I knew that sound all too well. It was one of the slots in the door opening. I felt so heavy that I couldn’t lift my head to see who it was. Peeling my eyes open, I swallowed, my throat not feeling as dry as it had been in previous days. I was thirsty even though I’d drunk plenty of water today. My stomach knotted for something solid, not a liquid. My urges hadn’t been as strong as they had been, but I still yearned for the drug. I didn’t know who I was without it. Being trapped in this room wasn’t helping the cravings, in my opinion. All it was doing was driving me mad.There was only one other thing that I felt I could indulge in to take away the feeling of wantingcocaína, and it was not a thing. It wasn’t even an it. It was a man.
Shio.
