“Weren’t all da strippers dere when I left, my baby?”
“You tell me.”
He placed his finger on my bare thigh and slowly dragged it up. Stopping right at the hem of my dress, he bit his bottom lip, and I knew he could feel the heat between my thighs.
Shifting his eyes to mine, he waited until I met his gaze. “I wasn’t wit no bitch last night or the night befo’, Glow.”
“Promise?”
Once we came to another light, he held eye contact again. “I promise, Glow.”
My belly fluttered. “I want some dick.”
Caught completely off guard, Tunan laughed heartily. “You always want some dick, lil’ baby.”
“Yeah, and I thought I was going to get some last night. I have gained my twenty-plus pounds back and everything. I’m good for a fuck.” I shrugged.
His smile fell. “Mane, I know I been ’round, but we ain’t really talked ’bout how you feelin’ and shit.”
I folded my arms under my breasts, which were nearly spilling out of my dress. “I’m okay… Better.”
“Ion mean to be a mood killer, but I went through some shit last night dat got me lookin’ at life differently. We gotta figure out how to permanently get you well, my baby. Ion like seein’ you laid up in da hospital.”
I still had days when I struggled. I still had days where I didn’t want to eat, but I hadn’t thrown up. I’d been keeping my food down even when I could see the weight packing onto my body.
I cleared my throat and swallowed down the need to eat my words before I said them aloud. “My daddy, as much as I love him, he, uhh… He would call my mama fat every chance he could… especially when he got caught cheating. The screams turned into fighting. And then, I began throwing up. Their arguments stressed me, and stress triggers it, I guess. Even now.
“And too much food on my stomach just feels wrong, so I sorta just don’t eat. And in a sense, I can control the way I look by throwing up. I can control the situation if I can control myself. Plus, nobody wants to walk around looking as big as a house.”
“So, you’n really know exactly what brought on dis anorexia shit. You’n know if it’s from yo’ daddy body-shamin’ yo’ mama, dem fightin’, him cheatin’, or you not likin’ food.” Tunan chuckled, but not in a way that he was laughing at me. “My baby, we gone have to get to da root.”
He circled his finger on my thigh, and his touch was so light, but it left me burning with need. “Childhood trauma… Dat shit a muhfuckah. My mama, her birthday… dat shits in September.”
I whipped my head toward him, ready to knock the smirk off his face because the math wasn’t mathing. We’d just celebrated her birthday not even a full two months ago, if I wasn’t mistaken.
“Yeah… She checked out on us, leavin’ a house full of kids to my sister. To put it in better terms, she was triflin’ as fuck. Sittin’ on her ass collectin’ food stamps, housing, and whatever else she could from da government. She ain’t give a fuck if we ate or had decent clothes, and it was no excuse cuz she had no vices.” Tunan swallowed, his Adam’s apple shifting.
His mom had already told me she wasn’t perfect and that she’d made mistakes, but with the way her children loved her, you wouldn’t think she’d been unkind to them. I did, however, see that the boys bonded more with Tuscany. They worshipped their sister. I was still waiting for him to explain to me why we’d celebrated her birthday in Memphis, in that hot ass heat.
As if he’d read my mind, he continued. “When she finally got her shit together, after my sister popped up pregnant, she got a medical billing and coding degree and a good job in da hospital. Bought dat house we was at. We were still livin’ in da hood, but life looked so much better. It felt so much better cuz my mamadecided to make a change. So she celebrates two birthdays. One on da day she was actually born, and one when she got her life together.
“Ain’t no rules in life, Glow. Not ones dat we absolutely have to abide by, where livin’ is concerned. You can still hold on to dat childhood trauma, or you can let dat shit stop witchu. It will never fully go away. Never. Let it sit witchu so you can grow from it. Let it help shape you. Let it serve as a reminder dat life ain’t perfect. Life ain’t no aesthetic. No cohesive algorithm.”
His low eyes swept my frame. “Dis ain’t no trauma for trauma, or no tit for tat. I been through some shit, too, Glow—in my adulthood and adolescence. But if I sitinit instead of sittingwithit, I’d foreva be stuck.”
His words hit me like a tidal wave. I had no comeback, so I swallowed hard and let them simmer.
“You perfect to me, Glow. I’m yo’ fuckin’ husband, my baby. I wouldn’t give a fuck if you gained a hunnid pounds, I’d still suck yo’ whol’ pussy in my mouth.”
I sputtered a laugh but was stopped when his hand traced upward. I moaned and spread my legs, giving him complete access. His finger trailed up further, not stopping until he traced the lining of my panties.
“You bossed da fuck up. You sexy as fuck. You’n even know da advantage you have. You did dis shit without a nigga. Without an organization. You ain’t got no kids, doe I’d gladly play stepdaddy if you did. I told myself when I got out, I was focusin’ on my bread, but I ain’t been thinkin’ ’bout dat shit. All I can think ’bout is you. Yo’ well-being, makin’ sure I ain’t eva gotta see you laid up in da hospital again. So we gotta get you right, my baby, so yo’ nigga can focus on gettin’ us right, aite?”
He dipped a finger inside of me, and I shook. I was so wet that he slid in deeper than he intended. “Fuuuck, Tune.”
He swerved the car over to the far lane and parked right on the side of the expressway. “Let the seat back.”
He pulled his hand from my snatch as I let the seat back. Once it was back as far as it could go, he hit the emergency lights and began undoing his belt buckle. I slid my black no-show panties from my legs and lay back as he climbed over. He was too tall, but we were making it work. He grabbed my leg, bringing it up to my head, and pulled my breast from the dress. Once he bit down on it, I screamed out as he slid his dick inside of me. It didn’t go in as easily as his finger, and it took a minute for me to adjust to his size, but when I did and he bottomed out, my stomach clenched.
