I should have asked the wives for tips.
“Soy una perdedora.(I’m such a loser.)”
“You know the point of girl talk is to actually talk back, Shya.”
I could feel her breathing slowly and knew she was on her way to sleep.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to talk to Maura about my dad, so I get it.”
Hmmmm… Hmmm. Hm hm hmmmm… Hmmmmm… Hmmmm… Hm hm hmmmm.
I began humming a tune that she seemed to love. It was the same one that I hummed to her on the plane, and the same one I hummed to my baby brothers. It was the same tune I hummed when my feelings got too overwhelming. The tune wasmy reprieve when there was absolutely nothing I could do about my circumstances over the years.
Click
Complete darkness surrounded us, prompting me to tighten my grip around Shya when I heard the sound.
“H-h-hello?”
The power shut off, and since there were no windows down here, I couldn’t see in front of my face. Stretching my hand over the bed, I blindly felt around for my phone. Once it was in hand, I shone it over Shya’s face, and her little mouth was open wide as she slept. Easing her onto the bed, I stood while navigating to the flashlight.
Hmmmm… Hmmm. Hm hm hmmmm… Hmmmmm… Hmmmm… Hm hm hmmmm.
Walking towards the door, I pointed it in front of me. I didn’t stop humming, scared of what had made the sound, but also thinking it could have simply been the power shutting off. But now I wondered what had caused the house to lose power? There were no storms. Finally, at the base of the stairs that would take me to the main floor, I shone the phone’s flashlight and immediately wished I’d stayed inside the room.
“Ahhhhh!”
Temptation. Craving. Feeling.
Him.
Not him, buthim.
In the dark, beyond my flashlight, he was there, already halfway down the stairs. The one who had supplied me with what I wanted or needed the night of the Discover’s proposal. I saw him again at the club just before Felipe arrived. And once more, the night when all of the ladies had come over.
He leaped toward me, and at the same time, his hand covered my mouth. I dropped the phone, fear racing through me. It musthave landed on its back because the light was gone. Still, his hand was over my mouth, suppressing my screams.
“Don’t scream.”
I will overcome this addiction. This addiction will not get the best of me. I am bigger than my addiction. I am in control. I will overcome this addiction. This addiction will not get the best of me. I am bigger than my addiction. I am in control. I will overcome this addiction. This addiction will not get the best of me. I am bigger than my addiction. I am in control.
“Listen to me, Solana… You’re in danger. I know I’m not the one you want to trust, but right now, I need you to come with me.”
What were the odds? What were the chances that right when life became too much, my vice was right here? I could feel my body tremble, and so could he because he began to curse under his breath.
“Solana, we gotta fuckin’ move. But if you want to live, don’t make a sound.”
He removed his hands from my mouth, and I indeed did not make a sound unless you counted the thumping of my heart that matched the soft panting of my breath. I could hear him moving, and when the light from his phone shone over his face, I took a step back. He was so young and so handsome. He didn’t look like he sold drugs that not only made people feel good but also ruined lives.
“I will overcome this addiction. This addiction will not get the best of me. I am bigger than my addiction. I am in control. I will overcome this addiction. This addiction will not get the best of me.” I moved backward toward the room where Shya was asleep.
“Solana… I just need you to trust me. You’re in danger. We have to go. Now.”
I whispered silently, my lips moving but the quietest sound coming out. “I will overcome this addiction. This addiction will not get the best of me. I am bigger than my addiction. I am in control. I will overcome this addiction. This addiction will not get the best of me.”
“Fuck… Look…Hmmmm… Hmmm. Hm hm hmmmm… Hmmmmm… Hmmmm… Hm hm hmmmm.”
My calf hit the bed. I’d made it into the room without facing forward. His tune made me pause, his humming identical to mine. He took slow steps until he was directly in front of me again.
