“Thank you for making me dream again.”
“Don’t stop dreaming, Leader. I… I love you.”
The heavy metal churned, and the loud clanging started again.
“Sometimes, I wish you didn’t, Pretty Mama.”
The guard came in, but Leader stayed in place. He jutted his chin toward the door.
“He’s going to walk you out, baby. Then, he’ll come back and get me.”
I wanted to kiss him one last time. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him. I wanted to tell him he had a newborn daughter that we’d created the first time we did what we’d just done. Instead, I blinked, nodded, and turned to walk out behind the guard.
Everything was a blur after I made it to Glow’s car. Getting in and driving off was a blur. Sending Glow a text, saying I was coming home and what my ETA was, was a blur. It was all one big blur that felt heavier and heavier as I drove away from Iron Kinser Federal Prison. Then, I felt a rush of liquid fall into my already soiled panties. I gripped the steering wheel, my hands clenching to ground myself, but the attempt was failing. The car was sounding off because I hadn’t put on my seat belt, adding to the already loud noises in my head.
Boom! Clank! Clank!
My heart rate sped up, and my legs jittered. I stared straight ahead and kept driving, although everything in me was screaming for me to stop the car. Unfortunately, those noises were on replay as I felt as if I was back in the conference room, waiting for Leader to come out.
It took no time for reality to hit me. My heart went from pounding because of the orgasm to pounding because I’d fucked up. I hadn’t told him about Baby Leader. I hadn’t told him he was a father of two now. But I wasn’t freaking out about what I hadn’t told him; I was freaking out because of what I had told him.
A wicked black fear swept through me. I felt the panic overcome me as I tried to hold on to my fragile control. We’d had sex. My six weeks weren’t up. He thought I was on birth control. He’d come inside me.
Vomit rose up into my throat, and as I tried to stop it, I pressed harder on the gas pedal. As it came up, I let go of the wheel and tried to prevent it from getting everywhere in Glow’scar. My foot was planted on the gas pedal because I couldn’t lift off due to the shock. It felt like stone—my toes were bricks that had been laid and cemented.
Then I saw a bright light, and a loud horn blasted through the prison sounds that would not go away. Before I could act and correct the Lexus, everything went black.
Chapter 8
Glow
“Come on, my pretty girl. You’re doing so good,” I cooed as I poured warm water on my niece’s hair, watching its silkiness turn slick.
Her eyes were open, looking at me with much more trust than I deserved. Her pink baby tub was inside mine, and my back was on fire as I kneeled beside it. Making sure the water didn’t go inside her ears, I looked her over one last time before sitting back on my heels, drying my hands, and pressing play on the phone screen.
“Next, place a dime-sized amount of shampoo in your palm, lather it, and apply directly to the baby’s head.”
Nodding, I repeated the directions from the video. When my hand was lathered with Baby Dove’s Head To Toe wash, I applied it directly to her scalp. Baby Leader still had a soft spot, so I avoided it as best as I could. When she began sucking on her fists, I knew it was time to speed up the process. Her bottle was already prepared—I had done that before bathing her. A few hours earlier, she had vomited, and it had run under her neck and into her hair. She needed a bath, but she had fallen asleep before I could give her one. I used that time to editcontent and open PR packages. It had been over a week since my last upload, and my followers were growing tired. I’d received hundreds of messages asking if I was okay, while others simply joked, asking for the fine Memphis nigga with the fine brothers to “unhand me.” Ironically, his unhanding me would mean a divorce attorney since I’d accepted his hand in marriage.
Just as I was about to upload a pre-recorded video of me trying a new Pho restaurant not too far from my townhome, Leader was waking up. I nearly panicked because I’d made plans to wash her and didn’t know how. As a big sister, I didn’t have a big enough age gap to have had that kind of responsibility with Glee. When she was born, I was nearing five, and while I remember begging my mom to hold and feed her, those maternal tasks never occurred in my adult life.
I could have easily called my best friend, who had a baby only a few months old at home, but I hadn’t responded to any of their messages for days. I couldn’t call my mom, either, because she’d be quick to get in her car to come and check on me. I’d lost weight since she last saw me in person and didn’t feel like answering a lot of questions. Plus, my mom was already stressed enough about being a grandma at a moment’s notice, and I didn’t want to add to that. She had a cancer scare once, and we were trying to keep her healthy and stress-free so nothing else would trigger a recurrence.
Lee-Lee was bathed, and I smiled at the new nickname for her. After ten minutes of rummaging through the packages delivered that morning, I chose the perfect outfit. The pink sleeper with bears all over it was open at the bottom, resembling a long nightgown, which made changing her diaper easy. Her mom was supposed to visit BU to handle transferring business and stay overnight, but she had texted saying she was coming back home. I wanted to protest, but Leader was so adorable that I didn’t blame my sister for wanting to be with her sweet baby.
I ran my hand down the side of her face as she drank from the bottle, her eyes fixed on mine. I started rocking back and forth as if I were in a nursing chair instead of my living room sofa. Glee had done a great job with packaging and labeling her breast milk. In three weeks, she already had a small stash in my freezer. I’d read somewhere that breastfed babies tend to be more cry-prone, so I was thrilled that my niece took the bottle instead of a nipple. Glee still had school, and although we could afford childcare, I knew I would be the one to babysit when my sister went to class. She was too small, too precious, for me to trust a stranger with the first baby in our family.
Leader was tiny but greedy; she’d nearly sucked the entire bottle down, and before I could burp her, her eyes that had little spiked lashes were closing. Placing the glass bottle on the table, I tossed the burp cloth that matched her outfit over my shoulder and began patting her back once I had her in place. I didn’t know how to bathe a baby, but I did know how to burp and feed one. I’d gotten plenty of practice on Baby Ezio with that.
Nuzzling my nose against hers, the sweet, powdery smell almost reminded me of warm laundry. I could sniff her all day. That newborn baby scent had magic in it. If Dasani could bottle this up and sell it for one of her perfumes, she’d strike gold. And I’d buy it by caseloads.
Ding Dong
Groaning, my eyes shot open. I’d just dozed off, figuring I would get a nap in while the baby was sleeping. I stretched my neck toward the bassinet I’d pulled into the living room and relaxed, seeing that the baby was still sleeping peacefully. That bottle had put her in a food coma, and even though I’d burped her, she still puked. I had caught it with a birthing cloth, avoiding another bath being needed tonight. I was going to have to talk to Glee about how much milk she was giving her. We were probably overfeeding her, according to my Googling. She had anappointment next week, and I didn’t want the doctors to tell us she’d picked up too much weight for her age.
Sticking my feet into the tan fuzzy house shoes Amazon had sent months ago, I switched past the broken-down boxes, half from PR and the other half from the stuff I’d been ordering for Leader. It would be easier for me to haul them out the front door and place them on the curb for the recycling crew that came every Sunday. Instead, I’d been putting them in the garage or against my living room wall, and for now, that is where they would be.
“Coming!” I announced with a yawn.
