Asha winced. “I’m sorry. You’re right. He’s a total sweetheart, isn’t he? It’s just… The last time I saw you, you were with him, and now you’re crying, so I’m freaking out and jumping to conclusions,” she blurted out, waving her hands about in a manic fashion. “Besides, I doubt I’d be able to follow through with a promise like that. Not that I wouldn’t want to defend you or anything. I don’t think I could actually kick someone’s ass and—”
The next thing I knew, I was trying to calm down Asha, instead of the other way around. Her rambling had snapped me out of whatever spell I was under. I put both hands on her shoulders, giving her a little shake. “Hey, it’s okay,” I told her. “You don’t have to apologize.” There were still tears trickling down my cheeks, and my heart felt like it had a hole in it, but somehow, comforting Asha brought me back to myself.
“Right. I’m going to stop acting like a crazy woman now, and you’re going to tell me what happened.” Her fingers snaked around my wrist, and she pulled me over to the bed where we sat cross-legged on the comforter. “Okay, so what’s this non-Alec problem you’re having?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing the heels of my palms against them as I searched for an answer. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to say, but that it would hurt even more to admit the truth out loud. “My mom called,” I said after a long moment.
“Oh, Fel,” Asha replied, her face falling. “She knew about the letters, didn’t she?”
The stinging returned to my eyes, and I bit down on my cheek to keep from crying, though it didn’t help at all. “Yeah,” I managedto get out, and it wasn’t until her arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a hug, that I realized my face was wet again.
Without a word, Asha held me until I ran out of tears. My whole body felt spent, like I’d made the trip from LA to Portland on foot and hadn’t slept in days.
“Why would she do this to me?” Mom knew how it felt to be abandoned. How could she put me through the same kind of pain?
“You know how moms are,” Asha said in attempt to come up with a logical answer, although we both knew there wasn’t one. “She probably thought it was best for you.”
I swiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand, trying to get rid of the swollen, post-cry feeling. “How is keeping me from Rose best for me? That doesn’t make sense.”
“I’m not saying it was the right thing to do. Obviously she was wrong, but Rosedidleave you guys. Maybe your mom thought the letters would only remind you she’d left, and that it would be less painful if she was out of your life instead of on the fringe of it.”
Fighting the sigh her words elicited, I turned back to the window and stared out at the clouded sky. Asha meant well, but she didn’t understand. Her family was perfect—tight knit, passionate, and most importantly, whole. When it came to her sister, the worst Asha had to worry about was whether or not Riya had stolen her favorite sweater and shrunk it in the wash.
“The most difficult part about these past four years wasn’t that Rose left,” I said, trying to explain in a way that would resonate with Asha. “It was the uncertainty: Is she okay? Will I ever see her again? Is she even alive? The not knowing kept me up at night. I’drather have heard the truth, even if it hurt, than to always wonder what happened.”
Asha considered this. “Yeah, I guess I’d rather know too,” she agreed. “Your mom give you any kind of explanation?”
“No,” I said. “She wanted me to come home so we could talk.”
“And what did you say?”
“I…ah…kinda hung up on her.” I didn’t feel bad about this exactly—I was still too upset to feel guilty—but I felt weird admitting what I’d done. We both knew how out of character it was for me to be disrespectful to my mom.
Asha leaned toward me, hair spilling over her shoulder like liquid midnight. “You did not!” she gasped, her eyes widening.
“I know, I know.” My mouth curved into a shadow of a grin. “First I leave on a cross-state road trip without telling her, and now this? Perhaps Rose and I are more alike than I thought.”
“Oh yeah,” Asha said, her gaze flicking heavenward. “You’re turning into a regular rebel. Soon you’ll be committing grand theft auto and planning diamond heists.”
“Well, at least then I’d be able to afford Stanford.”
I flopped backward onto my pillow. I knew I sounded bitter. I could taste the acid of my words on my tongue, and I didn’t want Asha to think it was directed at her. “Hey,” I said, twisting my head so I could catch her eye. “Thank you. For being here and for not saying I told you so.”
“I wouldnever,” she said, biting back amusement, but we both knew that under normal circumstances, like if my heart hadn’t been ripped from my chest, she most definitely would. She enjoyedbeing right. “So…you and Alec,” she continued, changing the subject and letting go of the rein on her smile. Her eyebrows wiggled up and down. “Nothinghappened between you guys? Last I saw, you were looking pretty cozy.”
A flush crept up my neck. “Like I said. Nothing happened after everyone went to bed.”
Asha raised a single brow. “And before that?”
More warmth flooded my face, and since my own pale complexion had betrayed me, I knew there was no point in lying. “We, um, may have made out once or twice.”
I expected her usual over-the-top reaction—a shockedshut upto start off, maybe a fewoh my Gods, and definitely some excited squealing. Instead, her lips parted to speak, but no sound came out for several seconds. “I can’t believe you actually kissedhim,” she finally murmured, like he was some kind of mythical being we hadn’t spent the past two days with.
“Not this again.” I groaned. “I thought you’d gotten all the fangirling out of your system?” I wanted to talk with my best friend about the guy I’d kissed, not a fan of the Heartbreakers who couldn’t look past the fact that he was part of the band.
Yesterday, after Alec showed me the library, I kept what happened between us a secret from Asha, convincing myself it was because there were too many people around to have a private conversation. I wasn’t ready to deal with Boomer’s protectiveness or, heaven forbid, JJ’s teasing. Now, as a smile spread over her face, I realized that maybe I’d kept quiet for a different reason.
Ignoring my question, Asha asked, “Do you know how manygirls would give a kidney to trade places with you right now? This is an entirely new level of awesome!” She pressed a hand to her chest as if she were trying to hold back her excitement.
