“Uh-huh. There’s no way that’s happening,” Rose replied, all attitude. I flinched, thinking she’d been home less than five minutes, and they were already butting heads. “This is an issue we have to resolve as a family, and I can’t wait to hear what explanation you come up with.”
Three long seconds passed as Mom stared at Rose.
The tension between the two was so thick I thought it would suffocate us all.
“Fine,” Mom said in a tone that made it obvious this was anything but. She offered Rose a spot at the table, but my sister chose to lean back against the counter, arms crossed over her chest. “Felicity,sit.”
I pulled out a chair and sat. Mom pursed her lips before saying anything, and I fidgeted in my seat.
“I know you’re angry with me,” she said at last. “But that gives you absolutely no right to leave home, let alone thestate, without asking for my permission.”
“As if you would’ve let me go,” I mumbled. I was still furious with my mom, but it was hard to harness that anger when she was staring at me as if I’d burned down a nursing home or committed an equally unthinkable crime.
“That’s not the point. Do you know how worried I was? I had no clue where you were. How could I have helped you if something bad happened?”
“I get it, Mom. What I did was reckless, but there was a good reason why I left, and you know that. Punish me all you want, but me taking a road trip without your knowledge is not the issue here.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rose nod in approval, so I kept going. “And to be honest, it seems only fair that you were worried about me for a day. In the grand scheme of things, that’s nothing compared to the four years you left me to worry about Rose.”
“Felicity, what I did was to protect you.”
“Yeah, you already said that. But who were you trying to protect me from, Mom?” I asked. “Was Rose so much of a danger that you had to kick her out of the houseandmy life?”
Mom startled. “Kick her out?” She turned to Rose and glared. “I think that’s a bit of a stretch. I never forced you to leave.”
Rose, who had been silent up to this point, let out a fake laugh. “No, you gave me an ultimatum.”
“Which was still a choice. One thatyoumade.”
“Was it though? How was staying a choice when you knew I’d never agree to live by your rules?” Mom opened her mouth to argue, but Rose cut her off. “Look, I realize you had my best interests at heart, and I fully admit that leaving home helped me grow up. But what you did to me and Felicity, cutting us off from each other? That wasn’t right.”
“Rose, when you were arrested…” Mom’s voice trailed off, and she shook her head. “Being a parent is hard,” she started again. “Being a single parent is even harder. There’s no one to lean on or solve problems with, no one to reassure you that you’re not totally screwing your kids up. When you got arrested, I was more terrified than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I didn’t know what to do, how to help you, and I was all alone. My rules?” She lifted up a hand before letting it fall. “Those were meant to protect you, not push you away.”
“But what about me?” I asked. “What does any of this have to do with me?”
“Oh, honey,” Mom said softly. “You were always so close to your sister. You collected her origami like it was treasure, and you’d wait up every night to take care of her after she’d been out partying—”
“You knew about that?”
“Of course I knew. I hated that Rose resisted my help and you were the one who had to take care of her. But even at a young age,you knew how to handle her better than I did. What worried me was you being exposed to that lifestyle…the drinking, the drugs. Your sister didn’t want to listen to me, and I decided that if she was set on throwing away her future, I couldn’t do anything about it. But not you. You are so bright, and I didn’t want anything to ruin that for you.”
“And by anything, you mean me.” Animosity laced Rose’s voice, but her chin was trembling. “I get that you wanted to look out for Felicity, but Mom…I was a troubled teen trying to figure shit out, not some evil drug lord who was tempting my little sister into a life of crime.”
Based on past fights, this was when Mom would return the volley. I expected her to lay into Rose, but something completely different happened. She wilted in her chair. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Rose looked as shocked as I felt. “What?”
“Don’t sound so surprised.” Mom scrubbed a hand over her face and sighed. “I made a mistake, okay? Sometimes parents do that.”
I balked at her words. “Youmade a mistake? Mom, this isn’t some little slip-up you can apologize for and expect everything to go back to normal! You chose to cut Rose out of my life and then had the nerve to lie about it.”
“I never said I expect things to go back to the way they were.”
“You’re acting like it!” I could feel my pulse throbbing in my ears, so I made myself take a breath before continuing. “Mom, when I thought Rose ran away, I was so angry with her. I didn’t understand how she could throw all of your hard work back in your face, so I promised myself I’d make it up to you. Crazy, right? As if any ofthis mess is my fault. But thirteen-year-old me didn’t know any better, so I’ve spent the past four years working my butt off so I can go to Stanford and become a lawyer.”
Mom frowned. “I thought that was your dream.”
“Yeah, but only to make you happy.”
“Felicity,” Mom said, reaching across the table for my hand. “The only thing that would make me happier than I already am is to see you achieve whatever dream you set your mind to.” She smiled, her lips curving up in a way that could only be described as mirthful, and realization crashed over me with the force of an ocean wave. Maybe life had dealt her a difficult hand, but Mom had overcome those difficulties. Now she had a job she loved and a man who would bend over backward for her. She didn’t need me to provide her with happiness. She already was happy.
