Lowering his head, he touches his brow to mine. Taking a trembling breath, he nods. “That might be true but if it is not, I won’t blame you. If I tell you everything, it might very well change things. I want you to know because I don’t want to hide any part of myself from you. Even the ugliest parts.”
I brush my lips over him and nod. I say nothing. He needs to do the talking. It is in the tension in his big body, how his rough hands grip me even as they shake, it’s in his racing heart. I want him to feel safe, to know that same feeling he gave me the moment we met.
“I…I was always alone, even before this. I had great parents, two brothers, came from a good family. But I was just…different. I was bigger, clumsier, louder, I just…it seemed as if I didn’t fit with them. I found a place I fit out on the water. On an oil rig. I wasn’t the biggest guy or the clumsiest or even the loudest. I fit. Being a roughneck was the first thing I was good at, that made sense,” he sighs, his gaze locked on the past.
“I…I was too prideful. I was good at the job, I could handle the loneliness, seclusion. It never bothered me that the crew was always changing. It is a hard life. There were a few of us who stuck it out. We were more than friends, it was…it was the first time I knew what being a family could mean. It was the best and worst thing that had ever happened to me.”
Reece takes a breath, his words trailing off. I press closer as if I can take some of his sadness some of his pain. His arms tighten on me as if he thinks maybe I can. I brush my lips over his again, my heart triple timing when I feel his smile against my mouth.
“There is a new best and worst thing,” he hums, stunning me. “To ever happen to me. I…do not deserve it. A second chance. I am not worthy of you or your faith in me, but…I am not good enough to let you go. Whether I deserve this with you, ordeserve you, I want you. I have never wanted anything the way I want you.”
“You have me,” I whisper, cradling his face as I catch his roaming gaze. “I think you had me the moment you opened that door. And not just because you look amazing in just a towel,” I tease, loving the crooked smile he gives me as it lights up his eyes.
“Still can’t believe I let you get off the mountain that day. I wanted you the moment you touched me, Rain. It was the first time…the first time I didn’t feel my scars.”
“Because I saw past them. Others will too, baby,” I rasp.
Reece smiles, tilting his head to rub his nose against mine. Lord, for being a growling, tortured roughneck, he sure is sweet. “Maybe I will believe that now because of you. I will never forget where I got the scars or what it cost. There was…. there was an accident. Accidents happen on an oil rig, we’re trained for all the outcomes, how to save lives, to minimize damage. Only when an actual catastrophic accident happened, no training saved the day or the lives of two men,” his voice breaks on the final words and tears flood my eyes.
Moving closer, I cradle him to me. I cannot imagine the guilt, the horror of thinking he was responsible for someone’s death. I don’t try to pretend I could ever understand that level of torment. But what I can do is be there to listen to him talk it out, to offer the kindness he doesn’t think he deserves.
“That would be…you mentioned a Walter the day we met…”
Reece nods, letting out a trembling breath. “Walter Miller. He’s the father of…well, of one of the men who died that day. He was not just on my crew…Matt was…he was my best friend. Hell, the only true friend I ever had before. I will never truly forgive myself. I shouldn’t. I cost Walter Miller his son, a wife her husband…. the other guy had been there two days. Two fuckingdays and it was all over, forever,” his words are thick with tears, so I reach up to brush them with gentle fingertips.
We sit in the warm sunshine in a loaded silence. Not tense or uncomfortable. Not full of questions or doubts. He is just sitting in the space he’s never been before—the space where he trusted someone enough to speak the trauma out loud. I can’t fight back my own tears because for this man, this stoic, stubborn man, to open up this way is a gift.
Because I’ve spent the last few years using our fortunes to do for others, I have made some good contacts. After I left his cabin the other night, I called some of those contacts. I wanted to find out who Walter was to him and see if I could fix whatever it was about the man that haunted Reece. I had found out about the accident, of course, but until he spoke about it on his own time, I wouldn’t have mentioned it.
“Baby,” I whisper as I cradle his jaw in gentle hands. “You do know they cleared you of any fault? That it was a problem in the control system that you could not have known about. Walter Miller has never blamed you.”
Reece recoils, his brow furrowing as he searches my face. “What do you mean? You said you had no idea who Walter Miller was. Were you…were you lying? Were you sent here by him.”
Pushing back, I sit up, bringing the sheet to cover me. I want to be very clear about where I stand. “No, Reece. I have never met the man. I did not know who he was until I left the cabin. I spoke to him last night. He won’t talk to me other than to confirm who he is and that he has wanted to talk to you for years. He said he wanted those words to be between the two of you. I was not sent here to test you or to use my body to break you somehow. I thought you might have realized that by now,” I pull back more, stung that he still seems to doubt me.
Reece moves fast, sitting on the edge of the bed. I think he might just get up and leave. I let out a shout of surprise when he scoops me up with one strong arm, dragging me across the bed. The shout becomes a laugh when he settles me down on his lap, wrapping both of us up in the tangled sheets.
“I do, princess. I did not mean that…either time I’ve said something stupid, I did not mean it the way I said it. Remember I locked myself away for a long time, I am not good at…people-ing I suppose. But I know you did not come here for any other reason than to do something good. To bring the tormented beast out of his tower,” he teases with a smile. “I…thank you, Rain. Thank you for coming back with your smiles your light. I don’t deserve it, but I want it.”
“You want me, caveman?”
“Oh, princess, yes, I want you. You said I could keep you and I intend to do just that.”
Smiling, I nod my head. “Good. You don’t need chains to do it but you could take me home, caveman. Home is not the lodge or Hollow Peak. It’s hiding out up on the mountain with you.”
Reece seems to agree because we get out of town before the sunset.
Chapter Nine
Reece
Today was one of the hardest days of my life.
It’s been two weeks since Rain Mallory showed up on my doorstep to challenge me, to test me. To try to bring me back to life again. I thought I had been living life the way I wanted. But the truth was, I was just hiding. Afraid of facing the other hardest day of my life because I didn’t think I deserved closure or peace.
Walter Miller would disagree, it would seem.
My guilt over the loss of two men under my watch has haunted me for five years. I expect in a way, it will always haunt me. It was the most traumatic thing to ever happen to me and I will always have the scars to remind me should I ever try to forget. But sitting down for an entire afternoon to talk with Walter about his son Matt, to lament how important he had been to both of us, it was the first step towards a little healing.
