“Hey, it’s good to see you again.” He waved, smiling brightly. He was a good guy, just a smelly one.
“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” I wasn’t sure if he believed it, but he was a happy guy, so maybe.
I wove my way through cubicle hell to my boss’s office. While I preferred home, objectively, it really wasn’t that bad here. But today, everything was that bad.
“You called, Jon?”
“Yeah. Come on in.” He motioned me in, and I made myself at home, sitting in the chair across from his table, hoping that if I acted like this was a relaxed, no-big-deal meeting, it would be.
“So here’s the thing,” he said, leaning forward.
“‘Here’s the thing’ never ends well, Jon.” Not in the history of ever.
“I know, but my hands are tied here. Kevin’s up for a promotion.”
That was so not where I thought he was going with this.
“That’s great.” I didn’t see what it had to do with me, I was already ahead of him in both seniority and position. It wasn’t like he was going to become my boss or anything.
“It’s great, but he has to nail his presentation in Kansas City.”
“Okay? Does he need help writing it or practicing, like an audience?” It wasn’t easy to be around him, but I was up for the challenge.
“You need to go with him.”
My stomach dropped. No. No. No. No. No.
“Really? Are you punishing me because I used my comp time? Be real.”
His eyes went wide, and I understood why. I didn’t talk to him like this. I didn’t talk to anyone like this. But my self-regulation had gotten up and fled. I mouthed sorry, grateful my boss wasn’t one to take it to heart.
“I was a little pissed at that because I had to take over your conference calls.” He smirked, letting me know he hadn’t been mad at all. “But no, it’s because Kevin really needs this. You’re the only one who’s good at it and doesn’t have a family.”
And that was what it boiled down to. Once you had a husband and kids, or a wife and kids, they weren’t picky which, then you got to avoid all these random extra trips. It wasn’t fair, but at the same time, I understood the reasoning.
“I’ll go on one condition.”
“Are you trying to negotiate with me?” He looked amused, which was good. It landed how it was supposed to, despite me being dead serious.
“Sort of, but it’s for Kevin’s benefit, too.” I couldn’t be the only one who hated his cologne.
“Fine. What is it?”
“You have to tell him that there’s no cologne allowed, that it’s like company policy or some shit. Don’t tell him he stinks. He’s a nice enough guy, but I cannot spend time with him… next to him, in an airport, in a taxi, in meetings. I cannot.”
“Done.”
He agreed to that too quickly. I should’ve negotiated a higher per diem, too.
“And when I’m gone, you’re doing all my conference calls.”
He gave me his version of an evil eye, one that was far more humorous than scary. “Done. Listen, why don’t you finish up the day here? You can use Bob’s old station.”
Bob had retired and they never backfilled his job, which made more work for all of us. Go corporate. The cubicle was on the other side of the office from Kevin and next to my work bestie, Steven. If I had to be here, it was the best place ever.
“Sounds good.” I grabbed my messenger bag with my computer and found my home for the day.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Steven asked.
