On the verge of going mad from desire, I curl my thoughts around the taste of her. It's equally satisfying but not enough. Never enough. I want more of her.
Across the room, over Nadine's shoulder, Derek is staring daggers at us.
Fuck off, asshole. You got your chance and blew it. I'm not squandering mine.
Nadine's eyes open, and the dinner noise comes back all at once.
Tara makes a sound of pure approval. "I want whatever this is," she says, waving a finger back and forth, gesturing between us. "Tell me, Nadine, what exactly were the words of the prayer you said when you asked for this guy?"
Nadine laughs and says something about the honeymoon phase not ending that I don't fully catch because I'm tuned out, just looking at her mouth. I can't seem to stop doing that. I know I'm supposed to play a part, and I bet I'm playing it well, but I need to stop lying to myself.
I've wanted Nadine since forever. When I saw her for the first time, it felt like coming home.
I pick up my water glass and take a drink.
Nadine is very deliberately looking at her wine glass. Her cheek has a flush that wasn't there before, and neither of us says anything about the kiss.
Nadine stops laughing, goes quiet, and buries herself in her wine, taking a long sip. She stands, steadies herself for a second, holding the back of her chair. She looks at me, bites her lower lip, takes a deep breath, then turns, looking flustered.
"I need to take a moment," she glides off while I sit watching her drift away. My instinct is to follow, but I brace myself. She obviously needs her space right now.
I fiddle with my napkin, looking at the faces around the table. I see mouths moving, people smiling, laughing, and gesturing, but I'm sitting in a silent movie. In my head, I've muted my life's soundtrack, blocking out everything except the sensation of Nadine's mouth. The connection that I felt, and I'm sure she also experienced, has taken up full-time residence in my mind.
As the dinner winds down, we say goodnight to Tara. I do a final check on Derek—on his phone, not looking up—and we follow the stone path back toward the room block.
For nine years, I carried her furniture, answered her calls, and made dinner in Rachel's kitchen while she described Derek in terms that required significant effort to listen to without comment. That is the most sustained exercise in self-control I have ever performed.
I kissed her tonight in front of the wedding party because someone gave me two seconds and I took them. The sound Nadine made is the thing I'm going to be hearing for the rest of my days, which is on me, because I'm the one who kissed her. And didn't stop.
I am going to feel terrible about this for a month … or maybe my whole life, but Jesus, it's so fucking worth it.
===
3
NADINE
I'm a nervous talker.
Whenever I start to feel uncomfortable, my mouth just says the most random things. My brain isn't even part of the equation, which is why I make the stupidest comments when I'm anxious … like right now.
It's weird because I was always comfortable around River. As I said, he has seen me at my worst. So why do I feel like crawling out of my skin now? Is it because of the kiss? Because God, I never knew River kissed that way. It was the kind of kiss that made my toes curl when I watched my favorite romance movies. The kind I always wished would happen to me at least once in my life.
The kind that had me running away from the table to clear my head, regain my thoughts, reboot my brain.
I'm not even going to mention Derek because that guy kisses with the passion of a dried husk.
Now, I'm clear about what I want, who I want, and when I want it.
Okay, so, back to River. It did start out for show. You know, basically, hard launching our relationship that nobody knew about because it didn't actually exist until last week. But in three seconds flat, it evolved from a simple kiss to something that would definitely end with us naked and tangled in the sheets.
And I really, really need to stop thinking about River and the sheets on the bed we're about to share.
The suite door closes behind us with a click, and the oxygen is immediately sucked out of the room. The air is so thick, almost suffocating, and all I can think about is how it's just the two of us—no audience, no Derek and Alice, not even Rachel. A tense kind of vibe. But it's kinda sexy, too. I feel a little nervous knot tightening.
God, Rachel. She'd kill me if she ever found out I had such sensual thoughts about her brother. I tried so hard to ignore it. When that didn't work, I tried to suppress it. Tried! Didn't fully succeed, though.
Yep, I guess all my efforts were in vain because here we are. I don't know if it's just the dim lighting, but has River's gaze darkened?
