By the time he let her up for air, her entire body hummed with repressed sexual energy, demanding an outlet. “Make love to me, Gunnar.” She almost tripped over the word, knowing it was the same word that had driven a wedge between them in the past.
Her reluctance must have been evident, because his hands mapped her body while he whispered, “I love you so much. Don’t ever doubt that again.”
Hot tears pricked her eyes as she closed them, reveling in the words she’d waited to hear him say. He’d said them a time or two since he’d been in Vista Falls, but it was different this time. It was more intimate. He was more vulnerable. “I love you too.”
“I’m sorry.” He swept his lips across hers. “Sorry it took me so damn long to say it, to find the courage to tell you how I felt. Just know I always knew I loved you, Gi. I just couldn’t—”
“Don’t apologize,” she said, smiling up into his handsome face. “Don’t explain. You said it now. And this is what I want to focus on. The here and now.”
***
Gunnar felt like he was in a dream, one he never wanted to wake up from. The woman he loved was lying beneath him, telling him she loved him, responding to his touch like she’d never get enough.
He made love to her slowly, savoring every second, knowing damn well it could be their last. He tried to put it out of his mind, to convince himself they’d find a way to work it out, so they could have all they wanted. But he knew that was unlikely. Someone or something would have to give. And he didn’t want it to be her. She’d already sacrificed too much to be with him.
Her reaction resonated through his body, every soft sigh filling him with pleasure. Her body tensed and so did his. She cried out in pleasure and his body responded in kind, enhancing his satisfaction.
He watched her freefall, giving in to her release as she cried out his name.
He slowed, cradling her head between his arms. “There are no words.” For a man who made his living conveying emotion through his songs, he couldn’t believe words failed him when he needed them most.
“We don’t need words,” she said, her eyes sparkling as she kissed him. “This is all we need tonight.”
Her body clenched his, making it impossible for him to think, much less speak. He followed her lead, surrendering to the fulfilment he’d only been able to find in her arms, in her body. In bed with her, when the lights were out and hers were the only eyes on him, was the only time he’d ever felt safe and free to be himself.
He wasn’t “Gunnar Williams the singer” to her. He was just the man she loved and he loved her even more for being able to make the distinction.
He tried so hard to hold on, to silently plead with his body to give him another second, another minute, just a little longer to prolong this contact high, but it was over, and as he came back down, he felt the loss acutely. Like maybe he’d just made love to his girl for the very last time.
“What’s wrong?” she asked when he rolled over. “Are you okay?” She rested her hand on his bicep, peering over his shoulder as he gave her his back.
“I just need a minute, baby.” His breathing was labored, but not from exertion. The shortness of breath stemmed from pure panic. The only time he’d felt anything similar was when he came home to find their closets empty.
“Oh, okay.” She sounded disappointed as she rolled out of bed. “Maybe I’ll just go downstairs and get us some water.”
“Sure, thanks.” He knew he was an idiot for not pulling her into his arms and milking every last second of happiness he could from their union, but it was too hard. The not knowing was killing him and he knew what he had to do. Man up and face the music.
When she returned a few seconds later and passed him a bottle of water, her eyes were darker, more guarded. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
He grabbed her wrist, and while she let him, he could practically feel the resentment in her body. “I need to figure some things out. It’s not fair to you that I go on staying here, with us getting closer every day and the future—”
“It’s okay, I understand.”
He knew she didn’t, but he didn’t know how to explain it without hurting her more. “Just know these past couple of weeks here with you and the girls have been the best, Gi. I’ve been happier than I have been in a really long time. And I don’t want to lose that. That’s why I have to go. To figure out how to make this work, because I do want this to work, sweetheart. More than anything.”
She sat on the edge of the bed, her pretty blue eyes filling with unshed tears that nearly did him in. “I want that too. But I know it may not.” She reached for his hands. “I went into this knowing that.” She looked at her side of the bed and sighed. “I have no regrets, and you have nothing to feel guilty for. I love that we made love tonight. No matter how things turn out, just know that you made me happy again.” She bent to kiss his cheek. “So, thank you for that.”
