“We didn’t want you to go,” she said softly. “That’s why we acted the way we did.”
Those soft-spoken words pierced his heart. “I know, baby. Believe me, I didn’t want to leave you guys either. If I could have stayed, I would have. But I have commitments and I have to figure out how to honor them.”
“But what about the commitment you made to us?” she asked. “Shouldn’t being our dad come first?”
Gunnar realized that just because she was apologizing for lashing out, it didn’t mean she’d let go of her resentment. “Being your dad will always come first.” He rubbed his bleary eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “But you have to understand where I’m coming from. Without my career, I’d have had nothing to offer you. I know I haven’t been perfect. Far from it. I wasn’t there when you needed me. But I’d like to think I’ve been able to teach you a few things about persistence, dogged determination, chasing your dreams.”
He stared out the window at the small, rundown houses dotting the road and wondered if the people who lived there were happier than he was, with all of his money and fame. “And work ethic. Nothing in this life comes without hard work and sacrifice.”
“I know, but why do you have to work so hard now?” She cleared her throat. “You’ve done it all. You’ve proved everything you had to prove, haven’t you? What are you chasing now?”
What are you chasing now?The question resonated with him. She’d put into words the way he’d been feeling lately, like he was pursuing a ghost he could never catch. “Music’s been a part of me for so long,” he admitted, his voice raspy. “I’m not sure who I’d be without it, what my life would look like.”
“I get that, but no one’s saying you couldn’t go on making music. Maybe you could keep writing songs or make an album without touring to promote it. I don’t know, I just know we need you around more, Dad.”
We need you.He swallowed to try to dislodge the tears crowding his throat. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you and your sister the way I should have been.”
“You think you’re the only one?” She laughed bitterly. “Most of my friends back home were in the same boat we were. Someone had to pay for those big fancy houses we all lived in, right?”
“I guess so.” He curled his hand around the steering wheel. “Can I ask you a question? And I need an honest answer.”
“Okay,” she said, sounding hesitant. “What is it?”
“If you had a choice between growing up in a place like Vista Falls, with me working a regular nine-to-five or growing up where you did, with me being… well, me, which would you have chosen?”
“I would have wanted you with us.” He could hear the sadness in her voice when she said, “Having nice things was cool, but it didn’t make up for not having you there.”
He didn’t know why he’d waited so long to ask the people he loved most what they needed from him. “I can’t make up for the past,” he said, wishing he could. “But I can start making better choices from here on out, baby. I just need you guys to bear with me while I figure out how to do that, okay?”
“You got it.”
