“You think about that a lot? Being a parent?” Bella felt like she was skating on thin ice, but now that he’d brought it up she had to know how serious he was about being a family man.
“More now than ever,” he admitted, staring into the fire he’d built before she arrived. “More of my friends and teammates are settling down. The years seem to be slipping past in the blink of an eye.”
“I know what you mean.” It seemed like she’d just celebrated her twenty-first birthday. How could a decade have passed since then?
“You’re an amazing aunt,” he said, his smile soft. “You obviously value family. You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about having kids.”
“Maybe I’m not cut out for being a mama. Could be I’m meant to be a doting auntie instead.”
He seemed pensive when he asked, “You really believe that?”
“I’ve never been good with commitment.” She didn’t know why she continued to remind him and herself of that fact. A defense mechanism maybe. “You know that.”
“When something is important to you, you commit,” he reminded her. “School. Your business. Your friendships, family. You’ve never walked out on those things.”
“True. But I loved those aspects of my life. Was passionate about them.”
“And you don’t think you’d be equally as passionate about being a wife and mom?”
She felt the warmth crawl up her neck as she laughed. “How did we get on this subject? I thought I was here in a professional capacity tonight?”
“Right,” he said, curling a strong hand around his bottle. “The house.”
He’d seemed angry she was so determined to change the subject, to refuse to let him in. But it didn’t feel like she had a choice. Keeping her guard up with a man like Loran was her only option. He admitted he’d been with other women since the last time they were together, which spoke volumes about his headspace.
“Do you have a piece of property?” she asked, clearing her throat. “To build on?”
“I do.” He nodded slowly, as though forming a plan. “Maybe we could drive out and have a look at it tomorrow? That would give you a chance to see the exposure, help me decide where the site should be. It’s twenty acres, so we have some options.”
“Twenty acres.” She whistled. “Wow, that’s a lot of land.”
“I crave my privacy, the older I get. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great old house. Just a little too close to my neighbours for my comfort.”
She wasn’t surprised he was the kind of man who wanted some seclusion. So much of his life was spent under scrutiny. It couldn’t be easy to beonall the time. “I get that.”
“Besides, I’m thinking about the future with this next house. There’s a pond for fishing, room for a pool. Even a multi-sport court, playground.” He grinned. “How great would that be? My kids could have their own private park?”
My kids.Bella couldn’t explain why that simple phrase hit her like a sledgehammer. Maybe because she imagined two little dark haired beauties who looked just like him chasing each other around a slide in their own backyard.
“You okay?” he asked, gently.
“Yeah.” She forced a smile. “Just thinking about that. You could even have your own baseball diamond, right? Batting cages?”
He chuckled. “How’d you know I’d thought about that?”
“I guess I know you.” She eased down on the couch beside him, forcing him to inch over to give her some space. Their eyes locked and she felt all of the oxygen sucked out of the room… especially when he leaned in to kiss her.
A little voice in her head screamedbad idea,but she ignored it, inviting the kiss. It had been so long since she felt his lips on hers and the built-up in her mind didn’t begin to compare to the reality. His lips were full and soft, his technique slow and thorough, like he had all the time in the world to kiss her.
When they finally broke apart, his smile was slow and easy, like kissing her had been inevitable. “Don’t ask me to apologize for that. It was just about the best thing that’s happened to me since the last time I…” His gaze drifted to her lips again when she licked them. “Since the last time I made love to you.”
“We didn’t make love,” she said, feeling suddenly self-conscious as she remembered the level of intimacy she’d shared with him in that Vegas hotel room. “We had sex. There’s a big difference, Loran.”
“Trust me,” he said, brushing her hair over her shoulder as he continued to stare at her. “I’ve been having sex half my life. What you and I did was different. That’s the only way I know how to describe it… I made love to you that night, Bella.”
She felt it too, that contrast he described. She’d been able to keep things casual with other men. But something about Loran broke down all of her defenses. Just like he was doing tonight.
“And that’s why I had to get out of there,” she admitted, holding her breath to see how he’d react. “It was so intense. I didn’t know what to say, how to react. I thought you’d play it off like it was no big deal and to me it was a big deal.” She took a deep breath. “So I bailed while you were asleep. Before you could wake up and make some joke about finally scratching that itch.”
