Panic rose when she crossed the balcony and reached for the door handle. As long as she was willing to talk to him, he still had a chance. But if she shut him down and cut him out of her life, it was over.
“Don’t go. Please. Let’s talk about this. Let me make up for—”
“You can’t.” She shook her head, closing her eyes. “I just need time to think. Give me that.”
***
It was killing Loran not to go after her, but he had to respect her wishes. If he demanded she talk to him now she might tell him the words he dreaded most: it was too late. The damage was done.
“Hey, where’d Bella go?” Ethan asked. “Wasn’t she feeling well?”
She hadn’t been feeling well when he guilted her into coming to the wedding with him. Now he knew why. She was reeling, trying to come to terms with their loss on her own, and he’d been the selfish bastard who was too blind to see it. He’d never hated himself more than he did in that moment, knowing Bella was probably at home, crying herself to sleep, because of him.
Loran stared at the man who’d become like family to him. He didn’t want to tell anyone what he’d done, but if Bella wouldn’t let him support her, she’d need her family.
“Step outside with me?” Loran asked. “We, uh, need to talk about something.”
Ethan frowned. “Sounds serious. Everything okay?”
He’d asked Bella the same question, not knowing that her whole world had just been turned upside down.
“No, it’s not.” He led the way outside and waited for Ethan to close the door before he said, “I screwed up, man. Big time.” That was a gross understatement, but there were no other words to describe what he’d done.
“What the hell did you do?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to breathe through the pain. “I…” He couldn’t get the words out. He cleared his throat, determined to try again. This wasn’t about him. Ethan needed to know, so he could be there for his sister. “Uh, Bella just told me that she’d had a miscarriage. We didn’t know she was pregnant. The doctor just filled her in today.”
“Jesus.” Ethan hung his head, swearing softly. “I’m sorry, man. That must have come as one hell of a blow, to both of you.”
Tears stung Loran’s eyes as the truth settled in his heart. He’d just lost a baby with the love of his life today. And based on his stupidity, it may have been their one and only shot to conceive. “Bella was wrecked.” He tried to clear his throat again, but the tears made it impossible. “She thought it was her fault that she’d miscarried because she hadn’t taken good care of herself.”
“She shouldn’t blame herself,” Ethan said. “From what I know, miscarriages aren’t all that uncommon with first pregnancies and sometimes there’s no reason for it. Just wasn’t meant to be.”
His own words came back to haunt him, and he knew that Ethan was only trying to help, but he understood how insensitive those words must have sounded to Bella. “She was pregnant with a baby we didn’t even know we wanted.” His voice was raw as he stabbed his fingers through his hair. “But now that I know… God…” He gripped the railing before dropping his head. His stomach was roiling. His heart breaking. If this was a nightmare he’d give anything to wake up.
“I’m sorry, buddy.” Ethan stepped up beside him, leaning over the railing beside him. “I know it sucks, but you guys can try again. After you’re married, when things settle down and—”
He pulled the engagement ring out of his pocket and thrust it in his friend’s face. “Bella gave this back to me tonight. She’s done with me.” His heart and gut protested the statement, but he couldn’t deny the evidence staring back at him in the form of the ring she’d never taken off. Until tonight.
“What?” Ethan shook his head. “No way. I don’t believe it. You guys are so solid. Bella loves you, man. If you had some stupid fight—”
“It was more than that.” Spitting those words out was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but it felt like penance, and he deserved that and more. “When she told me she’d lost the baby… I asked if it was mine.”
Ethan grabbed him, hauling him up by the front of his jacket as he got in his face. “You asked her what?”
Loran opened his arms. “Take your best shot. I deserve it.” He deserved to have all of his teeth knocked out and his head stomped on.
Ethan shook him before swearing and stepping back. “How could you do that? You know how much that girl loves you! How could you even think she’d sleep with someone else?”
“I don’t know.” It didn’t make sense. Bella showed him, every day, in every way, how much she loved him. No one, outside of his own family, had ever loved him the way that woman did. “I just…” There was no way he could excuse what he said, so he didn’t even bother trying.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Ethan demanded, glaring at him. “You need to hunt her down, hit the goddamn ground and beg her on your knees, to take you back and forgive you for being the stupidest asshole—”
“You don’t think I want to do that?” Loran was so disgusted with himself he wouldn’t blame Bella if she never wanted to see him again. “But I can’t force her to forgive me or take me back. I need to give her time to sort this shit out and pray that when she does she’ll realize how much I love her and how sorry I am.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“If she doesn’t…”My life will never be the same again. “I don’t know, man. I fought for her before. I’ll fight for her again. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m not giving up on her. I can’t.”
