His head snapped up and those glacial blue eyes narrowed. “Oh yeah? Whose baby do you want? Auden’s? Is that what this is about? You’re still thinkin’ about him?” He leaned back, putting some distance between us. “Have you talked to him about us yet?”
I rolled my eyes. “When would I have had the chance? I stumbled out of bed and saw you playing tonsil hockey with that blogger so—”
“Ohmigod, there was no tongue involved. What the hell?”
He sounded pissed, but I was too. He always circled back to Auden, like he was the problem.
“Whatever.” I threw the blankets off and tried to swing my legs over the side of the bed, but he grabbed me and hauled me back against his chest.
“You’re not leavin’ this bed until we deal with this.” He kissed my shoulder. “Cec, there are gonna be fights. Misunderstandings. Hurt feelings. We’re navigating a whole new kind of relationship here, and it’s complicated as hell. But that doesn’t mean we get to run away when things get hard.” He laced his hand through mine. “I’m not gonna let us do that.”
I melted into him. He was right. What we had, or could have, was worth fighting for. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make a big deal of this. I thought it was only fair to let you know I’ve been having these feelings lately, about marriage and babies. We’ve always been on the same page about not wanting those things.” I shrugged. “I don’t know, it just seems like the kind of thing I might talk to a guy about, in the early stages of a relationship, just to make sure there are no misunderstandings later on.” I bit my lip, waiting for him to interrupt. “So, um, that’s all I’m doing, talking to you about it. Letting you know where my head’s at.”
“Fair enough.”
That’s all he was gonna give me? Really? “Ok, so I guess that’s it then.”
He wrapped his hand around my hip, letting me feel that our talk hadn’t diminished his arousal at all. “Cec,” he whispered in my ear. “I don’t know how the hell I feel about marriage and babies right now. Part of me thinks it’s crazy to even consider it, given our lifestyle, but…”
He was getting harder and I was getting wetter, especially when his hand shifted to my stomach. “But what?”
His whisper was husky, his lips pressed against my ear, “But when I think about gettin’ you pregnant…” He shifted closer, leaving no room for doubt. “This happens. I get really turned on. And I start thinkin’ all kinds of crazy thoughts.”
His finger slid between my folds, making my breath hitch when he spread my arousal.
“Like?” I never imagined a conversation like this, with Knox, of all people, would get me hot, but I was like a simmering inferno when I spread my legs for him.
“Like spilling inside you.” His voice was more of a growl as he pressed his shaft into my spine while drawing sinfully slow circles on my hot button. “Hearing you say those two little words. Seeing your tears of joy when you told me…” He picked up the pace as he spewed more words, making me lose my sanity as I gripped his wrist and thrust into his hand.
“Jesus, Knox.” This fantasy was getting way out of hand. Thrashing every boundary two sane people who’d just started dating should have in a relationship, but I couldn’t reel him in and didn’t want to. I’d never been this turned on and I wanted to hear more.
“You were gonna have my baby.”
I erupted on a cry, curling my hand around his neck as I rode out my release.
“That,” he said, shifting so he was on top of me. “Just might have been the sexiest thing I’ve ever witnessed.”
“Might have been the hottest thing I’ve ever heard,” I whispered against his lips before diving into a frenzied kiss that merged the perfect amount of tongue and teeth to bring me close to the edge even before he filled me.
He reached into his nightstand for a condom and hesitated a fraction of a second before tearing the package open with his teeth. “You don’t know what I’d give to toss this away right now, especially afterthat.”
I was tempted to do just that, but I wasn’t that reckless. I knew Knox was always careful about wrapping it. We’d had that conversation countless times. He wouldn’t take any chances with unplanned pregnancies or STDs, but we were still feeling our way in this new norm, and my birth control pills weren’t a complete safeguard. There was still room for the kind of mistakes and surprises that would upend our world.
“Me too,” I whispered, touching my forehead to his. “But you know we can’t.”
He closed his eyes a second before tossing the wrapper on the ground and rolling the latex on. “Someday, beautiful, I’ll have you with nothing between us.”
I nodded, acknowledging wemightget there some day.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, my eyes locking with his. It had already been a rough morning, with so much anger and hurt and confusion crowding my mind. It felt good to just relax into his arms and escape in this moment.
“Never felt better, Cec.” His voice was harsh as he closed his arms around my head, supporting his weight on his forearms. “I mean it. It’s like you were made for me.”
He was right. He filled me, stretching me, forcing me to accommodate him until the sting of pain gave way to pleasure, flooding my senses and my body with heat. He was fully seated, barely moving, his eyes roaming my face, and I was dying to know what he was thinking, how deep he was willing to go to uncover this unbelievable connection we seemed to be forging.
“Doesn’t make sense,” he hissed, allowing his body to drive him. “How you could have been so close all that time and I never… Jesus…” He was clearly struggling to keep it together, biting his lip and clenching his muscles, like he was at war with himself. “Neverneededyou like this before.”
I needed him too. This was spiraling into a craving, like that first taste of alcohol when I was fifteen and I knew one sip wouldn’t be enough to quench my thirst.
