Chapter 15
Knox
After a long hot shower, together, we were curled up on the couch in my bus watching some murder mystery on the tube and pigging out on junk food. It was the kind of normal I’d never had with another girl and I was getting hooked.
She smiled as she reached into the bag of buttery popcorn we shared. “I have to say, I’m surprised you didn’t try anything in the shower. Getting tired of me already?”
I kissed her again, this time soft and slow, letting her know we had all night. “You know, we don’t have to spend all of our time in bed.” I grinned. “As much as I enjoy that, I love hanging out with you just as much.” In spite of our crazy-hot chemistry, Cece was still one of my best friends, and I didn’t want to lose that connection.
“Good to know.” She curled into me with a contented little sigh and pulled the blanket covering us higher. “This feels right, doesn’t it?”
That was one way to describe it. Right. Perfect. Meant to be. It all worked for me. “Yeah, it does.” I shifted so she was leaning back against my chest and I could curl my arms around her. “I love you, Ce.” I still couldn’t believe how easily those words slipped past my lips, with a completely different meaning than they’d had before.
“Love you too.” She smiled, making her dimples pop as she wrinkled her nose. “Makes me wonder how I ever said that to anyone else. What I have with you is so different, so much better.”
I’d never told another woman I loved her, not even back in high school, when it seemed all my buddies were dropping the L-bomb. I just never felt it. And the words didn’t come easily for me. My family wasn’t demonstrative. My old man was a Marine and he raised me and my brother to be tough. Real men don’t cry and all that BS. They don’t talk about their feelings either. But my old man was long gone. And Cece was right here, wrapped up in my arms, and even if my dear old dad was calling me a pussy from the great beyond I didn’t give a shit. I was still gonna tell her I loved her until she got tired of hearing it.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, reaching for her water bottle.
“My dad.”
He’d died in a car accident a year after we met. It hit me hard, but Cece was right there to help me through it, holding my hand, promising me that time would ease the pain of losing him. She was right, it had. And she had too. She’d always sensed when I needed a laugh and was happy to help drag me out of my own head.
“You still think about him a lot, I bet,” she said, softly. “He was a good man.”
He was a good man. Intimidating as hell, to most. But he’d loved Cece. He said I was crazy not to lock that girl down before someone smarter than me did. Turns out my dad was right.
I linked my left hand with hers, wondering what her slim finger would look like with a huge diamond. Marriage wasn’t even on my radar before Cece dropped her little bombshell, but now that she’d made it clear she wanted that, no way was I going to let her start looking elsewhere.
I kissed her neck, thinking about the places my mind had taken me when we’d made love that afternoon. Babies. Jesus. It was still surreal to me that I’d not only considered it, but was getting turned on now, just thinking about it.
She wiggled against me, giggling. “Guess I don’t have to ask what you’re thinking about now, huh?”
“I was thinkin’ about this afternoon.” I still wanted us to be able to talk about anything and everything, and this was too important to bury it. “What you said about marriage and babies.”
“Oh.” She folded the bag over and set it on a nearby end table. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just wanted you to know that maybe I could see myself settling down someday.”
“I could too.” I kissed her when she turned to face me, licking the salt off my lips and smacking them. “Yummy.”
“You could see me settling down?” she asked, sounding wary. “Being a mom and wife?”
“Sure.” I stole another kiss, thinking this could easily replace one of my bad habits. “I think you’d be a great mom.”
“How do you know that?”
“You’re a caretaker.” She was always looking out for everyone else and she had a sweet, nurturing side that drove her kid sister crazy sometimes. “Besides, I’ve seen you with the crew’s kids. You’re awesome.”
“I don’t know, I just didn’t think that was for me.” She turned to fully face me, her elbow propped on the back of the couch and her hand holding her unruly hair out of her face. “Given our lifestyle, but—”
“Babe, lots of artists are married and have families. They make it work.” If that was a deal breaker for Cece, we’d find a way, because there was no way I could deny this woman anything.
“But what do you want?” she asked, taking my hand. “This isn’t all about what I want. I know we’ve only been seeing each other—”
“Would you stop sayin’ that?”
I didn’t want to get pissed, but she was making it sound like we barely knew each other. I’d been the guy holding her, drying her tears, and making her laugh for the past five years. No one knew her better than I did. And if anyone could go from first to home in a minute, we could.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to make it seem like I’m rushing things. The last thing I want to do is put pressure on you.”
