He didn’t look happy. Damn I’d messed this whole thing up. Auden was a great guy. And he’d admitted he liked me. We had great chemistry. So why was I trying to keep him at arm’s length? Knox popped into my head again and I had to resist the urge to groan. He didn’t get to weigh in on my boyfriends, so why was he taking up so much real estate in my head lately?
“Just friends,” he repeated, sighing. “That’s what that was the other night, just two friends goin’ at it? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, that’s not what it felt like to me, Cece.”
He was right. I’d felt there could be more too. I’d told Knox as much. So why was I pumping the brakes so hard now? “I’m not good at this,” I said, grimacing. “This whole relationship thing. I suck at it actually.”
He smiled for the first time since I’d started with the double-talk. “You’re not the only one. I do too.” He reached for my hands. “But maybe we could figure it out together, huh?”
“Maybe.” I’d be crazy to write him off before I had time to sort through the chaos crowding my brain.
“That’s all I need for now, beautiful.” He tipped my chin and dropped a tender kiss on my lips. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Right, the morning. Hopefully I’d wake up with some clarity because this uncertainty was killing me.
Chapter 4
Knox
Iwoke up the next morning staring at the ceiling in my tour bus and the first thing I thought about was Cece. Had she and Auden slept together again last night? Was she falling deeper and deeper for this guy, while I had to stand by and watch it happen? My gut churned, making me wanna hurl. It hadn’t been like this when she started dating Leo. I didn’t think the guy was good enough for her, but I didn’t want to knock his teeth out every time I saw them together.
I closed my eyes and tried to will myself back to sleep. I had a bus all to myself. The other guys in my band shared one. I figured after years of cohabitating with a bunch of smelly, obnoxious, overgrown adolescences, I’d earned the right to my own bus. It was my reward for putting up with their BS for so many years. We’d all been together since high school and I loved them like brothers, but there were times when I wanted to push them off a cliff.
I groaned when I heard a knock on the door. It was probably one of my crew, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal this morning. The phone next to my bed pinged. A text from Cece. Apparently it wasn’t one of my crew at the door. It was her. And I couldn’t jump out of bed fast enough.
I fired off a text to let her know I’d be right there, before I hop-jumped into the jeans I’d left on the floor when I fell into bed last night after a few too many shots. I’d been trying to erase the image of what Cece might be doing, but it hadn’t worked.
I looked in the mirror and groaned before trying to finger comb my hair. This girl has seen me at my best and worst, but for reasons I couldn’t decipher I cared a hell of a lot more than I ever had before.
I ran into the bathroom, like an idiot, and brushed my teeth in record time. Just in case she wanted to get up close and personal. I thought about throwing on a shirt or fastening the button on my jeans, but thought, what the hell? The time for subtlety had passed. I was pretty sure Auden didn’t have cut abs and if I had to compete with him for Cece’s attention I was gonna take any advantage I could get.
I gave the bus a quick once over as I made my way to the door. I hadn’t been with a woman in a while so I didn’t have to worry about panties hanging from light fixtures or bottles littering the countertop.
I opened the door and couldn’t wipe the grin off my face if I tried. “Hey, gorgeous.” I wasn’t lying. She looked hot as hell in short white denim shorts, a black tank, flip flops, and a messy bun. “Get your sweet self in here.” I didn’t know why she was here, only that there was nowhere else I’d rather she be.
She giggled as I grabbed her hand and tugged her inside. “I hope you’ve got coffee. We ran out and I’m dyin’.”
I thought of asking why she hadn’t hit Auden up for her caffeine fix, but bit my tongue just in time. I was the guy I wanted her to come to… for everything she needed. “Sure thing. Take a load off.” I pointed to the L-shaped table tucked in the corner. “I was just gonna make myself some breakfast. Have you eaten?”
She wrinkled her nose as she sank down in the leather banquette. “You know me, coffee comes before anything.”
I chuckled as I popped a pod in the Keurig and set it to brew. I added a teaspoon of raw sugar to the cup and stirred. My girl liked her coffee strong. I only hoped she liked her men the same way, ‘cause that would give me a distinct advantage.
“You’re my hero,” she teased, curling her hands around a mug that made a joke about balloons and pricks.
“I like to hear that,” I said, winking at her.
Back to flirting again. Damn. Flirting with a beautiful woman came as naturally to me as breathing, but with Cece the flirting had always been interspersed with serious shit: like music, relationships, booze, and life. Now that the raging beast in my pants made an appearance every time she walked into a room I was having a hell of a time reining it in.
“Bacon and eggs okay?” I asked, looking at her over my shoulder.
“Sounds great.” She sighed. “Thanks.”
“What’s wrong?” I recognized that sigh, and every little hint at a mood change. Sometimes I felt like I knew this girl better than I knew myself. “Something got you down this mornin’, sweetness?”
“I don’t know what I’m doin’, Knox.” She rested her chin in her upturned palm. “I really like Auden. He says he likes me too. Yet I’m holding back with him and I don’t know why. Am I crazy or what?”
“Or what.” I knew I had to tread lightly. She was coming to me for advice as a friend, someone she trusted to have her best interests at heart. I needed to think about what was best for her, not what I wanted. “Babe, you haven’t known him all that long,” I said, cracking eggs into a non-stick skillet. “And no one could blame you for being a little gun shy after what went down with the other jackass.”
She took a sip of coffee before she said, “I know, but I don’t wanna screw up a good thing just ‘cause I’m scared.”
