“He hates me.” Her voice was soft when she said, “I hate that he hates me.”
“Archer’s got a lot of hate inside of him, Sky. I wouldn’t take it personally.”
She nodded, looking troubled. “I know. War has a way of tearing a nice, normal guy apart and no amount of love and understanding can piece him back together again.”
“You’re thinking about your brother now?” I asked, covering her hand with mine. At her questioning look, I said, “Archer mentioned it.”
“I wish we could have saved him, but by the time we realized how bad it was, he was too far gone.” Her voice broke as she looked down at our joined hands. “We just couldn’t reach him, Dade. And that still kills me.”
“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” I’d known a few people with family members who’d killed themselves and their stories were always the same: the guilt of not being able to help their loved one always tore them apart.
“I know.” She looked down at the scarred wood table. “I tried to be there for him, to get him to talk to me about what was happening. But he couldn’t.” She shuddered. “I get the feeling what he did and saw over there just broke him. He couldn’t live with it anymore, the man he’d become.”
“I can’t imagine.”
I thought Archer was one of the bravest guys I knew for trying to reinvent himself after returning home. He poured a lot of his heartache and anger and grief into his songs. They were real and raw. And that made him one of the most sought-after song writers in our business. Not many people had one tenth of the life experiences Archer had. Even if he would have traded a lot of them, they still shaped him, and made him see life differently than most.
“Me neither.” She sighed. “I see Archer’s pain and it’s so reminiscent of my brother’s that I guess it scares me, if you wanna know the truth.”
“If you think Archer would take his own life—”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t mean that. I’m talking about the anger. The frustration. The sadness. Helplessness.” She paused over each word, like it was hard to get it out. “That’s the way it was for my brother, having all of those emotions trapped inside and I didn’t have to spend long with Archer to know that he’s trapped in that cycle too.”
Some days were better than others for Archer, but I assumed that was true of most people. He had his demons, like everyone else, but his were a lot deeper and darker than most. Most men couldn’t say they’d stared death in the face and walked away or that they’d taken a life, because they had to, and had to live with the consequences of that choice.
“I can’t deny you’re right.” But I really hoped Archer could one day find peace and happiness… maybe with someone like Sky. Because even though he’d never admit it, I knew he got lonely sometimes.
“Do you think less of me?” she asked, wincing. “I mean, your friend’s a hero for his service, no doubt, but he scares me too.”
“Because of his anger?” I asked, slipping my hand from hers as I leaned back.
“Because of the way he makes me feel,” she whispered, leaning in. “That night with him was…” She fanned her face. “Indescribable.”
I smirked. “You wanted more, huh?”
“Shut up!” She laughed, slapping my arm. “I wanted…” She swallowed, diverting her gaze. “Him to look at me like he really saw me.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“He looked right through me, Dade.” She closed her eyes, like she was either trying to recapture or block out the memory. “Like I wasn’t even there. I guess, in the end, that’s the biggest reason I left. I didn’t want to be with a guy who was just using me to escape his problems for a while.”
“I don’t blame you.” Is that the way Charli felt? Like she was just a diversion to me?
“But you should talk to Archer about this. Let him know why you left. Maybe then you guys can put it behind you and work together. I know I don’t have to tell you this, but there’s no better song writing partner in this biz than Archer. He has a way of bringing the best and worst shit to the surface.” I laughed when I thought of some of the gut-wrenching songs we’d worked on over the years. I always left his place feeling like I’d been through the emotional wringer. “Seriously. You want a hit album, that’s the guy you want to be sitting across the table from you.”
She wrinkled her nose. “You really think we could work together after we had sex? I’ve never done that before, had sex with a co-worker.”
I thought of the working relationship I was trying to forge with Charli. If we both stayed on our side of the line, working with her might prove to be the toughest thing I’d ever done. “Honestly? I don’t know. I’m not saying it would be easy, but I think you’d both regret it if you didn’t at least try.”
Her smile was twisted when she said, “The problem is, I need Archer a lot more than he needs me, and he won’t let me forget it.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, hon.” Given our circumstances, Charli might think she needed me more than I needed her too, but she’d be dead wrong.
Chapter 11
Charli
It may have been cowardly, but I slipped out the back door of Jimmy’s while Dade was chatting up Skylar. The conversation looked pretty intimate. He was holding her hand, looking into her eyes, but if I worried about every woman who held Dade’s interest, I’d make myself crazy, and I refused to be that girl again. The one who wore her insecurity like a second skin for everyone to see.
