“Here,” I said, pressing the ring into his hand.
He glared at me as he curled his fist around it. “You really want to give this back to me? Think about what you’re doing, what you stand to lose—”
“I’ve already thought about it.” My stomach lurched as I pointed to his closed fist. “This was never real, Rhett.” My heart screamed in protest, but I forced the words past my lips. “It was temporary, pretend—”
“Bullshit.” His gaze was ruthless, laced with contempt. “You tell yourself that so you can hide from the truth. You feel something for me and you’re too afraid to admit it.”
Bullseye.“You can think whatever you want—”
“What I think is that you’re a coward.” He got up in my face, his eyes tracing my lips. “You’re afraid to love me. Afraid to want a future with me because you think I’ll leave you, just like your old man left your mom.”
I sucked in a breath and it felt like it pierced my lungs. He knew me too well, knew my family, their story, and how my parents’ dysfunctional marriage made me the person I was. A woman who on the outside had her shit together, but on the inside, was terrified to let anyone get too close because she didn’t want to be left behind again, by another man who claimed he’d always love her and be there for her.
After my parents’ divorce I didn’t see my father for four years. He took a job in Hawaii, re-married, had a baby with his new wife, and forgot my brother and I were alive. I knew my story wasn’t unique. Plenty of kids had grown up with absentee parents and it hadn’t scarred them for life. But it was watching my father leave without looking back. His lack of remorse or regret that broke me down. He wasn’t a man who’d made a mistake. He was a man who’d made a choice. And I couldn’t be sure Rhett wouldn’t make the same choice years from now.
“There’s nothing I can say—”
“You’re right, there isn’t,” he snapped. “Talk is cheap, Briar. And I’m tired of hearing you run your mouth about how relationships never work. People don’t stick around. Kids are for other people.” He stabbed a finger in my direction. “You’re a liar. You’re lying to yourself. To me. Every time you open your mouth another lie pours out, because I know, deep down you don’t believe that shit for a second.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, telling myself I deserved his tyranny and hell of a lot worse for what I’d put him through. Still, it hurt to see the flash of hatred in his eyes.
“You want a guy you can count on, the way your mom could never count on your old man. You want kids and I know you’d love them unconditionally because you’ve got a huge heart under that fake-as-shit Ice Queen façade.”
He’d called me out before, but never like this. I was stunned silent, absorbing it all. Feeling the truth of his words ricochet through me like bullets that found their mark.
“You want to know someone’s gonna love you forever. Be there for you.” His voice dropped to a whisper, but his words were still laced with fury. “Every. Goddamn. Day. And I can be that guy. But you won’t let me, will you? You won’t even give me a chance?”
I closed my eyes, forcing a subtle headshake, trying to ignore the look of contempt flash in his eyes when he reached for the doorknob. “Fine, have it your way. But understand that you won’t have it both ways. I meant what I said before you dragged me into your mess. Stay the hell away from me…” He clenched his jaw, firing over his shoulder. “Until you’re ready to grow up and realize you’re living in the past. And it’s crippling you.”
I winced when he slammed the door. Closing my eyes before sinking against it, sliding down, letting my butt hit the ground. My head fell forward, sobs wracking my body as I let the self-contempt overtake me. Rhett was right. Everything he’d said was true. And as cruel as it may have sounded, as much as it may have hurt, I needed to hear it. To face the reality. I wasn’t cut out to be anyone’s girlfriend, much less someone’s mother or wife. And I had to make my peace with that, all over again, because Rhett had made me start wanting things I had no business wanting.
* * *
Gia invited me over for lunch, claiming she wanted to try out a new recipe. My best friend was a lifestyle blogger and social media influencer with a huge following. The Martha Stewart for twenty and thirty-somethings who chased trends and loved to post pics of their accomplishments online.
I didn’t get it, but Gia loved that world and I was all about supporting her, so I dragged my heartbroken ass out of bed, forced myself to take a shower and tried to hide my puffy eyes with a bit of concealer before showing up on her doorstep with a bottle of wine I planned to polish off before she served the main course.
“Uh oh,” Gia said, taking a step back as soon as she opened the door to her small apartment. “What’s with this?” She waved her finger in a circular motion in the air, gesturing to my face. “Why do you look like you pulled an all-nighter?”
“Because I did.” I didn’t even bother trying to hide the truth from Gia anymore. It was pointless. She always got it out of me in the end.
“But I thought Rhett took you home.” She giggled. “Oh, I get it. You pulled that kind of all-nighter.”
I made a beeline for the kitchen, rummaging through the drawers until I came up with the corkscrew. “No.” I fixed my attention on opening the bottle, like I hadn’t done it a hundred times before. “Well, yeah. I mean we did have sex, but no, he didn’t spend the night.”
She walked to a cupboard and retrieved two colored wine glasses. One pink, one light green. “So, why are you day drinking if you got laid last night?”
I snorted. “Because it’ll be the last action I see for a hell of a long time.” If I couldn’t have Rhett I sure as hell didn’t want some poor substitute. Maybe I’d join a convent. Take a vow of silence so I didn’t have to spew anymore stupidity... or lies. If only I were Catholic.
“Why?” Gia tipped her head, studying me. “You and Rhett had a fight?”
“It was more than that.”
I filled up both glasses, over-pouring for Gia as well, so I didn’t feel so bad. My mother had become a day drinker after my father left and it only made a bad situation worse, so I was careful about my alcohol consumption, especially during the day. Somehow opening a bottle of wine after sunset seemed more acceptable, even when I was alone. Or maybe that was another lie I’d been telling myself to get through the lonely nights. God, I was turning into a delusional, pathetic mess.
“But you said last night you were in love with him.”
I stepped around Gia and peeked into the oven. It was some cheesy pasta concoction with chicken. It was a good day for a carb coma.
