When my dad left we moved back in with my grandparents. They left us with the house when they retired to their condo in Florida my junior year of high school. If not for them I wasn’t even sure my mother would have been able to keep a roof over our heads, in spite of my father’s monthly alimony and child support checks. She’d never had the desire to get a college degree or a job. Instead, she’d married the pastor of her church seven years ago. At least he’d helped her work through her alcohol dependency, which she swore was not an addiction, just a little problem. She didn’t even have the courage to admit she was an alcoholic.
No wonder I was so afraid of being dependent, indebted, and weak. And my brother thought our mother, of all people, could help me fix my problems?She was the cause of half of my problems.But even I knew that wasn’t true. I was an adult. I couldn’t keep blaming other people for my issues. I had to put my big girl panties on and fix this shit before I lost the best thing that ever happened to me!
“Then what are you saying?” When I didn’t respond, he said, “Sis, if you don’t want to talk to me or Mom or Gia, talk to a professional. Rhett will be patient with you, I know him. He’s loyal to a fault. He just needs to see that you’re willing to try.”
“I just don’t want to drag him down with my problems,” I said softly, knowing that was the real reason I’d always kept Rhett at arm’s length.
He’d always seemed like he had it all together. He was smart, successful, strong…. and I didn’t want to be the lead weight weighing him down. Standing in the way of his dreams, because even though he’d never admitted as much to me I knew Rhett was holding out for the dream of domestic bliss, complete with a wife and kids.
“You don’t think he’s got his own problems?” He snorted. “The guy’s a workaholic, sis. Driven to a fault. You don’t think that makes it tough for him to have a relationship? Trust me, it does. Add in the fact he’s a control freak who loves to be right—”
“I get it.” I knew all of Rhett’s faults and loved him anyways. Maybe he could love me in spite of my faults too? “I’ll think about everything you said, I promise.”
“Briar, I love you. I want you to be happy. Same goes for Rhett. And if I didn’t think you guys had a shot at making each other happy for the long haul I wouldn’t be pushing so hard.”
“I know.” And I was grateful to have people like my brother in my life, who cared so much. I just hoped I wouldn’t let everyone down who’d believed in me.
* * *
I was as surprised as anyone when I found myself standing on my mother’s doorstep a few hours later.
I raised my hand to knock, even though she always told me the formality was silly. She still lived in the house my grandparents willed to her and after all the years we’d lived there it felt like the only childhood home I’d ever really known. Still, she now shared the house with my stepfather, so I tried to respect their privacy.
Before my fist connected with the door my mother threw it open, breaking into a smile. “I thought I heard a car.” She pulled me in for a hug. “This is a nice surprise, sweetie. Come in.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, stepping over the threshold before closing the door. “Is Charles around?” I liked my stepfather, but I didn’t need a witness for the tough conversation I was about to have with my mom. I didn’t want to embarrass or shame her by dragging up the past, but I did need answers so I could start to fix what was broken inside of me.
“No, he had some business to tend to at the church.” She led the way to the newly remodeled kitchen at the back of the house. “I was just going to do some gardening, so your timing is perfect. You caught me while my hands are still clean.” She waved her manicured digits in the air with a laugh. “I made some oatmeal raisin cookies this morning. You want some?”
I shook my head as I sank down at the white banquette in the corner. “No thanks, I’m not hungry.”
“Maybe some tea then, hmm?” She didn’t wait for me to respond before she started making a pot. “How’s Rhett?”
My stomach clenched at the mention of his name. All week friends and co-workers had been asking about him, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit that it was over. When a few people asked about my ring, I told a little white lie, claiming that I was having it sized.
But I couldn’t lie to my mother. Coming clean with her was the reason for my visit, after all. “We broke up.”
She whirled around to face me. “Honey, no.”
She’d made no secret of the fact she adored my brother’s best friend since the first family dinner he’d shared with us as a teen. “I’m afraid so.”
She leaned against the counter, shaking her head. “What happened? You two seemed so happy at your birthday dinner.”
I considered telling her it was all for show, that Rhett had been trying to bail me out of a dicey situation. But claiming it was fake felt like a lie now. What I felt for Rhett was real and I knew he felt the same way. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have forced the issue with an ultimatum. He would have been content to settle for great sex indefinitely.
“We were happy together.” While Rhett was staying with me, I’d been happier than I’d ever been, in spite of the threat to my safety. Still, he made me feel safe, protected, like no one could ever hurt me. I should have known Rhett himself was the real threat… to my heart and peace of mind. “But, um, you know the way Rhett is. He’s an all or nothing kind of guy.”
My mother extracted a vintage floral teapot with matching cups from a glass cabinet. I recognized them as my grandmother’s. Gram was a self-proclaimed teetotaler. God, I missed that lady sometimes. Like now. She’d have the words of wisdom that led to the kind of clarity that had seemed out of reach for so long.
On a whim, I asked my mom, “Did Gram ever say anything to you about Rhett?”
She laughed, shaking her head. “You know your Gram, honey. She had an opinion about everything. Rhett was no exception.”
I waited for her to place the delicate teacups between us before returning to the table with the floral tea pot and bowl of sugar cubes. She dropped one in mine before adding one to hers.
“What did she say about him?” I asked, taking a tentative sip to test the temperature before setting it back down on its saucer.
She smiled. “She said he would be the perfect man for you, that you’d need someone as strong-willed as you were. Someone who could break down those walls you’d built around—” She shook her head, her blue eyes filling with tears. “Your Gram hated that you were so closed-off. She knew, better than most that trusting the right man with your heart could be one of life’s greatest rewards.”
