I knew how hard it was for her to admit weakness, so I sat back, waiting. I wanted to start firing questions at her when she remained silent, but I held back. Praying.
“You were…” She bit her lip, looking down at her half-empty plate. “Kind of my fantasy, Rhett. The standard no one else could measure up to.”
Her expression was soft, her eyes brimming with tears, and my skin was prickling with the desire to touch her. To haul her into my lap and ravage her. But I knew this girl. She was skittish. I had to let her come to me, when she was ready.
“That’s why I wanted you to be my first. I knew anyone else would be a letdown.”
Knowing I’d been her first lover made me want to be her last. She’d chosen me once and I wanted her to choose me again. I wanted her to choose me every day. But not just as her lover. I wanted her to choose me as her life partner. Her best friend. And the father of her babies.
“It was my honour and my privilege,” I said, winking to lighten the mood. She’d laid a lot of heavy stuff on me and I wanted to give her the chance to retreat if she felt she needed to.
“I had a good talk with my mom,” she said, stealing a peek at me through her long lashes. “Mainly because my brother called me out for screwing things up with you. He basically said I needed to get my shit together once and for all, before I lost you for good.”
And that right there was the reason Drew was my best friend. He always had my back, even when it meant calling out his little sister. “How did that go?” I asked, trying not to zero in on the fact she’d been having second thoughts about us. “The talk with your mom?”
She nibbled her toast, looking thoughtful. “Let’s just say it was long overdue. But it was good, really good, in fact. It helped me put some things in perspective.”
“Such as?” Even when I promised myself I wouldn’t push, I still struggled to hold back. It felt like I’d spent half my life trying to read this girl’s mind.
“I’m not my mom, for one.” Her full lips tipped up slightly as she shook her head. “Not even close. But I get why she did what she did, why she tried so hard to make sure I was strong and independent. After my dad left, she was terrified I’d end up like her, feeling weak and helpless. She didn’t want that for me.”
“So she pushed you to—” I pinched my lips together, knowing it wouldn’t help to blame her mother for the mess we found ourselves in. We were adults. We could have and should have figured this shit out by now. We’d had fifteen years.
She waited for me to continue, but when I didn’t, she said, “She pushed me to be the woman she wished she’d been.” We polished off our breakfast in silence before she said, “I’m not sorry for that, Rhett. I know my mom’s influence made me wary about relationships—”
I coughed to mask my laughter. Wary was an understatement.
She nudged my shin with her foot under the table, trying to hide her smile. “Shut up, you know what I mean. I was cautious, found it impossible to trust men because the one man I was supposed to be able to trust let me down.”
“I get that.”
I knew her scars ran deep. Even if she let me into her life, it would probably take years before she believed that I was there to stay. But I wouldn’t mind. I’d make it my mission to convince her, every day, in little and big ways, that I loved her and would always be there for her.
“And I love that you’re independent, Briar.” I took a chance, reaching across the table to link my fingers through hers. “I love that you’re strong and can take care of yourself.” Not that I wouldn’t like to be the guy who earned the privilege of being there when she needed a strong shoulder to lean on. “And if we have a daughter, I hope we can raise her to be as self-reliant as you are.”
She shook her head, looking sad as she withdrew her hand from mine. “I don’t think I’d want that for her.” She reached for her mug, staring into it before she said, “Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished: academically, professionally, and financially. I’ve built strong friendships and love my family, but…”
I was hanging on her every word, hoping she was finally ready to reveal things to me she never had before.
“I’m lonely.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. “I tried to convince myself I wasn’t, but the… emptiness… it hit me hard after you moved out.”
It was killing me not to haul her into my lap. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, bury my face in her neck and tell her how much I loved her. But I had to let her come to me this time. The chase had worn me out and as much as she meant to me, I was done chasing her.
“So, um, that’s why when my brother called and let me have it, I did something I’d been afraid to do before: face my past. Try to figure out why I was the way I was and what I could do about it.” She stole a glance at me. “I knew I had to have a heart-to-heart with you when you got home, tell you what I was thinking and how I was feeling, but then I found out I was pregnant.” Her hand strayed to her flat stomach instinctively. “And I couldn’t wait to tell you.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I was scared spitless, still am, but I wanted to see the look on your face when I told you that you were going to be a daddy.”
I hoped I didn’t disappoint her because hearing those words fall from her sweet lips last night had been the highlight of my life so far, which was saying a lot, because there had already been a lot of peaks. The only other words that would sound as sweet were the three she still seemed reluctant to say.
I took her hand, kissing her knuckles as I looked into her eyes. “I was in shock last night, so in case I didn’t say it, know that I was thinking it. I couldn’t be happier thatyouare having my baby, Briar. Can’t imagine doing this with anyone else.”
She shuddered. “You know how many times, over the years, I imagined you getting some chick knocked up? Whenever my brother mentioned your name, I’d brace myself for the bad news— either you’d fallen in love, were getting married, having a baby with someone else…” She swallowed repeatedly before she said, “Just so you know, that would have wrecked me.”
It felt like I’d been waiting a lifetime, or at least half a lifetime for her to say these words to me. I’d fantasized about it during my years in the military. I didn’t know if I’d be returning in one piece or to my parents in a body bag, but I knew if I got a second chance at life, I wanted a second chance with Briar too. But every time I tried to deepen our relationship, to make it about more than just the sex, she bolted. Leaving me angry and frustrated, until the next time I tried to resist her and couldn’t.
“I feel the same way,” I said when I realized I’d been lost in my thoughts. “I’d ask your brother about you, if I hadn’t seen you in a couple of months and I was always afraid he’d tell me that you had a boyfriend and it was getting serious. I thought you’d eventually meet someone you were willing to take a chance on.”
“I did.” Our eyes locked before she said, “I did meet someone I’m willing to take a chance on, Rhett. You.”
ChapterTwenty
