“But you can’t sell her on the fact you’ve changed. Show her. Back off when she expects you to come on strong. Be her friend when she expects you to want more. Make your sobriety and career your top priorities, in that order.”
“How the hell will that help my cause? Shouldn’t I be making her my top priority?”
He shook his head. “That’s what the old Mav would’ve done. Got all wrapped up in a girl, trying to make her want him. Because, no offense, that guy was a little desperate.”
I laughed with my burger half-way to my mouth. “Thanks, asshole.”
He grinned. “You count on me to tell you the truth, don’t you?”
“I guess.”
“But this Mav is different.” He studied me. “This guy has got it together. He’s in control.”
“I don’t know who you’re trying to convince, me or yourself.” My hand still shook when I raised a water glass to my lips. That didn’t feel like control to me.
“Codie wants a guy like herself.” He took a bite of his burger as he presumably considered his strategy. “After I saw that video at your concert, I was curious about what had happened to her so I did some digging online. Dude, her story? Seriously impressive.”
“Yeah, I know.” I got this crazy surge of pride every time I thought about all she’d accomplished. Even though I now knew another man had played a role in her success, which I hated.
“So, she wants a guy who’s been able to do what she has. I read an interview where she talked about her alcoholism—”
“Yeah, she, uh, developed a problem and dropped out of college so she could focus on her recovery.”
“Smart.” He nodded. “It was obviously the right call for her. My point being, she’s been through stuff. So, she doesn’t expect her man to be perfect.”
“No, she doesn’t, but you can’t deny our history. It’s pretty messed up. I hurt her—”
“Yeah, you did, and you hurt yourself too. But I know you were doing what you thought was best for her. Because let’s face it, there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for that girl.”
I didn’t respond. I didn’t have to. We both knew my brother was tapped into my feelings about Codie.
“And you need to show her that, Mav. Show her there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for her. Prove to her that even though you were a dumb kid back then, and went about it all wrong, you were just trying to save her from a life of misery with you.”
I’d used those exact words to explain when Noah called me out for breaking up with Codie. I never thought they’d come back to haunt me all these years later.
“I know you could be the best thing that ever happened to her, even if you don’t.”
“I do.” I stared into my brother’s eyes, trying to see what he saw in me. Trying to draw on his conviction to convince myself that maybe, just maybe, the version of Mav I was becoming really did deserve Codie. “No one could ever love her the way I do.” Fifteen years later, I was still loving her hard, present tense.
“I know that,” he said, quietly. “I’ve watched you drift in and out of relationships, trying to convince yourself you didn’t need to love or be loved, but we both knew that was a crock. What you needed was Codie. Now that she’s back in your life, you can’t let her go.”
I considered my options, but my brother was right. I didn’t have any. I had to find a way to make Codie fall for the guy I was working like hell to become. “So, you think I should just stay focused on my sobriety and career and try to build a… friendship with Codie, huh?”
He smirked. “If you guys can keep your hands off each other, then yeah.”
Keeping her hands off me hadn’t been a problem the other night. But I would have given anything to have my hands all over her. “She said she can’t even do the friends thing, though.”
“Yet she’s talking to you, coming to your show, texting you?”
“Well yeah, but—”
“Dude, she still wants you.”
I’d give anything for that to be true, but I couldn’t afford to delude myself. “I guess time will tell.”
“Yeah, it will. And when I’m proven right, I’d be honored to be your best man.”
I laughed, but man, I’d give back my platinum record for that to happen.
