Her eyes were shining with unshed tears when she said softly, “I never wanted anyone else. Only you. But you took that option away from me.”
I leaned in to kiss away the tears sliding down her cheeks. Her vulnerability put the squeeze on my heart because it meant she was letting me in. Not just sharing her body with me, but her heart, her fears, insecurities, and lingering pain too.
“I’ll never hurt you like that again, baby,” I whispered in her ear. “I promise.”
She turned her head to look into my eyes. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Not again. Tonight, that’s all we have. And it’s enough for me.”
I couldn’t earn her trust in days or weeks or even months. She was taking a chance on an alcoholic, who weeks ago had been going on benders to silence his inner critic. I couldn’t even trust myself yet, so how could I expect her to trust me?
Her kiss was sweet and tender at first, soothing me in a way her words never could have, because she wasn’t ready to say the words I craved. And I got that. I could tell her I still loved her with no hesitation, because I’d never stopped. But I knew I couldn’t expect the same of her. I’d caused her too much pain. My love had incinerated her life, and I left her with the mess of ashes.
“I need to feel you,” she whispered. “Please.”
I closed my eyes as I gave myself over to the heat licking up my spine as I inched my way into her sweet body as slowly as I could. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of rushing and missing a single second of what could be the best night of my life.
“Yes, Mav. God, yes.”
Her eyes were closed as I gently took her on a ride intended to end in complete surrender. I wanted her to give herself to me, etching in her mind the peaks of satisfaction and dips of lost memories as our bodies found the rhythm of a dance only we knew.
Every one of her soft moans and breathless cries were music to my ears, writing a song I knew I would play over and over again while missing the feel of her arms around me.
She opened her eyes, crooking her finger to beckon me closer. “Kiss me.”
She’d once told me the act of kissing while making love felt so intimate, and she never wanted to feel me inside of her without that connection.
I stilled, hovering above her, feeling the pulsing demands of our joined bodies urging me on. But this was a moment, and I needed to experience it fully.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, baby. Everything’s right. Just didn’t think I’d ever get this chance again, and I want to savor it, that’s all.”
She smiled as she pulled me close. With her lips hovering close to mine, she said, “Don’t think it’ll be our last time, babe.”
I closed my eyes as I claimed her mouth, lost in her promise and what it meant. I tried like hell to stay in the moment, but when she moaned into my mouth, tearing her lips from mine as her body trembled, I felt the power of her release unleash something inside of me.
I thrust into her hard and fast, rocking the upholstered headboard into the wall with the power of my momentum as she cried out, drowning out the drumming of the wood frame against drywall.
I didn’t care how much noise we were making or how many neighbors we pissed off. This was fifteen years of pent-up longing coming to a head and I couldn’t contain it even if I wanted to… which I didn’t.
I felt the surge before I could slow down and try to harness it. When the eruption flooded her, I had a moment of panic as I looked into her eyes. “Shit, Codie. I didn’t—”
She stopped me before I could pull out. “It’s okay, I’m on the pill.”
I hung my head, giving into the last vestiges of an orgasm that I felt all the way to my temples. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, trying not to collapse on top of her as my arms shook. “I’ve never done that before, with anyone, I swear to you. I’m always so careful. I just got caught up in you—”
She silenced me with a kiss before her eyes met mine. “I said it was okay.”
“But I don’t want you to worry that I might’ve put you at risk. I never slept around when I was drunk or—”
“Mav?”
“Yeah?”
“Stop talking now.”
I chuckled as I rolled over and sank into the pillow, throwing my arm over my eyes.
“Hey,” she said, removing my arm so she could look me in the eye. “Don’t talk to me about other women you’ve slept with and I won’t tell you about all the guys—”
