“I get that.” He handed it back to me, his eyes locking with mine when he said, “But I’d give anything to see you again.”
Too bad he hadn’t felt that way fifteen years ago, when I still gave a damn.
ChapterThree
Maverick
I was jonesing for a drink to calm my nerves, especially since Codie texted to let me know her friend had talked her into taking me up on my offer. Apparently, they’d be in Atlanta by early afternoon and planned to spend the night at a hotel near the stadium.
I wasn’t too proud to admit I’d done a little cyber-stalking. Since I knew she had a tattoo shop downtown Nashville, it hadn’t been hard to find her website. And she had a strong social media presence with a lot of celebrity followers. Apparently big names came from all over the world to be tattooed by her. I was impressed. Not just by her success, but by the woman she’d become. She obviously had her shit together, and was a hell of a lot stronger than I was, especially when it came to her will to resist the bottle.
“How you ‘doin, man?”
My drummer, Chaz, took the seat across from me at a small café within walking distance of the stadium we’d be performing at. I considered it a blessing I could still don a ball cap and shades in strange cities and be incognito most of the time.
“I’m okay.” I held up my coffee. “Been drinking a lot more of this shit lately.” It had only been a couple of days, but I considered that a win, since I hadn’t gone a day without a drink in years.
“Better than the hard stuff, eh?”
“Not really.” I sighed, bringing the take-out cup to my lips. “But at least it won’t kill me.”
“I’m proud of you for doing this, Mav. I know it’s not easy.”
“Hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
I’d only been to a couple of meetings so far, but I’d heard that sentiment echoed several times already, by Trey and others, and it helped to know I wasn’t alone. I’d always kept my alcoholism in the shadows, never wanting to talk about it or admit to it, even though everyone knew it was crippling me. In my house growing up, we’d never talked about my mother’s ‘problem’, we just pretended it didn’t exist, even though she was drunk all the time.
“But you’ll look back a year from now and cringe when you think of the guy you used to be.”
“I hope so.”
As hard as it was, just to get through every hour, I knew I had to change. The liquid poison was ruining my life, my health, and my career. But what scared me even more was the possibility of robbing my bandmates of the break we’d been waiting for since we were teenagers. I owed it to them to get clean.
“Nervous about the show tonight?”
I’d always had a few drinks before taking the stage, sometimes a few too many, and without that to calm my nerves I was a bit of a wreck. But I’d taken to hitting the gym with a day pass in whatever city we were in, and that seemed to help relieve some of the stress. Trey said meditation and massage had helped him, but I wasn’t ready to sit alone in a dark room, trying to quiet my troubled mind. That was some seriously scary shit.
“Yeah.” There was no point trying to hide the truth from Chaz. He knew me too well. “More so because I’ve invited someone.”
He raised an eyebrow before reaching across the table for the unopened bottle of water I’d bought. “Oh yeah, who?”
“You’re not going to believe this.”
I still couldn’t believe fate had brought Codie back into my life. It felt like a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I’d always wanted to apologize for the way I’d gone radio-silent on her. And a curse because I was at my worst, and hoped if I ever saw her again, I’d be able to hold my head up high, having already made something of my life. I was well on my way, with hit songs and a platinum record to my credit, but until I licked the bottle, I was still at its mercy.
“Tell me, man. Who is it?”
“Codie Harlow.”
He gaped at me before running a hand through his long dark wavy hair and sinking back in his seat. “No, shit. How’d that happen? Given the way y’all left things when she went away to college, I didn’t think she’d ever speak to you again.”
I didn’t either, but apparently working the program had made her a little more tolerant of assholes who’d broken her heart. Assuming she had been heartbroken when I bailed on her. For all I knew she’d gotten on with her life, started dating again, and put me and our relationship firmly in her rear-view mirror. Something I’d never been able to do, no matter how much time passed.
“I ran into her at a meeting, believe it or not.”
He frowned. “Codie’s an alcoholic? Seriously?”
We had a lot of friends in high school who’d been heavy drinkers, but Codie had never been one of them. In fact, she’d always been our designated driver when we went to parties and got wasted.
