I knew the Harlow sisters told each other everything, but surely the topic of contraception crossed some line.
“She told you that?”I punched the elevator button with a little more force than necessary, wishing I’d done the extra twenty minutes on the treadmill so I wouldn’t have been available to take this call.
“Yes!Now I want you to tell me why.”
I sighed as I stepped off the elevator and fished my key card out of my athletic shorts.“Codie, no offense, but this is none of your business.”
“The hell it isn’t.She’s my baby sister, which means I’ll be the one to pick up the pieces if she has to deal with an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy.”
Something about that word, unwanted, irked me.“First of all, your sister and I are both adults, and we can decide for ourselves…” I swiped my keycard and let myself in the room, before I said, “What kind of protection we do or don’t use.”
“You know I think you’re great, Taz.But you’re already struggling to figure out how to have a relationship with the daughter you already have.Do you really think you need to complicate your life even more, with a baby you don’t even want?”
I kicked my shoes off and sat down on the edge of the unmade bed, trying to rein in my temper.Codie was my girlfriend’s sister and the wife of the artist giving me a shot at establishing a fanbase.I couldn’t afford to argue with her, not that I wanted to.Codie and I had become friends, and I wanted to keep it that way.But I wouldn’t allow anyone to tell me how to live my life.
“Your sister is on the pill, as I’m sure you know.”
“And you should know, those aren’t fool-proof, so quit being an idiot.Besides, what about STDs and?—”
“Don’t insult me by implying I would ever do anything to put your sister at risk.I love that girl.And I’d protect the people I love with my life.”
She sighed.“I don’t doubt you care about her, and I know you’d never do anything to intentionally hurt her, but you’re playing fast and loose with the rules and being reckless with her future, and I can’t allow that.”
“You can’t allow that?”I repeated.“For the record, I’m not being reckless with Grace’s future?—”
“Really?Because if she got pregnant right now, she would have an impossible decision to make.She worked so many years to become a therapist, and she’s damn good at it.But being a single parent would mean sacrificing?—”
“A single parent?What the hell?Are you suggesting I’d abandon my baby, leaving Grace to shoulder all the responsibility?”Now I was livid.“I didn’t have a choice when Quinn was born.If I could have been there for her, I would have been.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about this, Taz.I love my sister and I’ll look out for her, whether it pisses you off or not.”
I didn’t blame her, I felt the same way about my sister.And if Rachel had been having unprotected sex with a guy she just met, I’d probably go off on the guy, and her too.
Except we were using some protection and Grace wasn’t some random woman to me.She was everything I’d never known I wanted or needed.
“You’ve made your point, Codie.And I’m not saying you’re wrong.”
“Just tell me this, if you don’t want to get married or have babies, eventually, why are you wasting her time?You know she wants a family someday, right?”
And if it wasn’t with me, it would be with someone else.Could I live with that?Our paths would continue to cross now that Mav and I were with the same label, and would likely be working together for the foreseeable future.And I’d have to see Grace with another man.Wearing his ring.Loving on him.Pregnant with his baby.And it would eat me up inside.
“Yeah, I know.”
“I know you guys have a good thing right now,” Codie said, her tone softening.“I know you’re in love with her, and she feels the same way, but you’re not a kid anymore, Taz.You’re in your mid-thirties, and you should know by now what you want and don’t want out of life.And if you don’t want the same things as my sister, that’s fine.But do you think it’s fair to lead her on?”
My chest ached when I thought about letting her go, but I didn’t want her to end up hating me if I wasted years of her life waiting on something I could never give her.
“I’m not leading her on.She knows how I feel, and she’s comfortable just taking things slow, for now.Grace is a strong, confident woman.She knows her own mind.And if she ever feels she’s not getting what she needs from me, she’ll end it.And I’ll have to find a way to live with that.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“What?”
“Are you afraid of disappointing her?Letting her down?”
“Maybe.”I didn’t want to share my deepest, darkest fears with anyone… except Grace.I couldn’t hide the truth from her if I tried.
“I know you’ve got issues to work through, Taz.You’re messed up, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.I was messed up too.So was Maverick, and my sister.But we got the help we needed.And if you don’t do the same, you’re going to allow your past to ruin your future, with my sister, and that would be a shame.”
