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Can you die of arousal? I felt like I was going to find out. “Yes,” I told him. “And I’m clean.” That was one thing I’d done right with McMurphy: condoms, always condoms, plus the pill. I’d snuck two blood tests since I’d been with him just to be sure. I’d always spit, never swallowed. All of it seemed insane now, like a faraway nightmare. I would never have to do all of that again. Instead I had my husband, gloriously naked in bed with me. “Kiss me,” I told him.
He did. A different kiss, yet again, from the ones he’d given me before. Deep but soft, dirty and affectionate at the same time. I wound my arms around his neck and we made out like teenagers, his hands first on my breasts, then around my waist and back as he pulled both of us upright, me on his lap. He moved me—God, he was strong—until we were backed against the headboard of the bed, my ass perched on it, my legs wrapped tight around his hips. Then he braced a hand against the wall next to my head, angled me just so, and thrust into me.
I moaned into his mouth. He moved out of me, then in again. “Like that,” he said softly, breaking the kiss. “Just there.”
He moved again and again, the angle just right, pinning me to the headboard, letting him land deep inside me. I couldn’t hold him tight enough. I squeezed him with my thighs, my arms around his neck. He felt so good. I had never been so close to another person before, even during sex—so close I felt every breath, every smooth slide of his muscles, the noise he made in his throat as he worked deeper and deeper.
“More,” I said, gripping my hands in his hair.
“Greedy woman,” he said against my mouth, altering the angle of his hips just a little. He pressed inside me and slowed down, kissing the line of my jaw. “You feel that?” he said. “That’s me. No one else. Just me.”
I did feel it. Just him, giving me everything, taking everything in return. Then he hit a spot that made the world light up inside me even more than it already had. “Cav,” I said, digging my nails into him. “Cav—”
“There?” he asked. There was sweat on his back, beneath my nails, but he didn’t break his rhythm. Instead he evened it out, slow and steady, rubbing that one spot. “Oh,” he said in a pleased voice as he felt my body go stiff, the pleasure pulsing through me. “This is going to be good.”
It was. I went off, every part of me lighting up as I made a wild sound and my body bucked against him. He held me still, his hard body pinning mine, and when I passed the peak I felt him move deep into me and come, an animal growl in his throat.
We caught our breath, sweaty and tangled together, for a long minute. I was still wrapped around him; I didn’t want to let go. He didn’t seem to mind. He kissed the side of my neck.
I pressed my face against his shoulder. I had so much to say, and no words to say it. “Thank you,” I said.
He laughed softly, a vibration against me. “You’re welcome, I guess. Though I got something out of that.” He kissed the side of my neck again. “Get some rest. Round two starts in thirty minutes.”
I arched up and kissed his jaw, the soft beard familiar. “What about round three?”
“Greedy woman,” he said agreeably, nuzzling me. “I’m older than you. I’m not sure how many rounds I can go. But I’m willing to give it my best shot.”
I smiled. “That’s all I ask.”
Twenty-One
Cavan
Three, it turned out, was the number. Maybe I could have gone more rounds at nineteen, but at twenty-nine three rounds qualified as a bona fide sex marathon, longer than I’d ever gone in my life. By the end even Dani was worn out, which made me pretty fucking proud of myself.
We talked for a little while as we drifted off to sleep. I was curled behind her, my arm over her waist. “What do you want to do when this is over?” I asked her.
Dani sighed. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I wanted to go to college once. Become a vet tech, or even a vet. But I never even applied.”
“You could apply,” I told her, stroking her shoulder gently. I could totally picture Dani as a vet. “You’re only twenty-three. You have lots of time, and now you have the money.”
“I hadn’t even considered it,” she said. “There’s been so much, and it’s happened so fast. I just thought—” She rubbed her hand over her eyes. “I just thought it was over. Off the table.”
Yeah, I knew that feeling. The one where you look at the future and see nothing, one big blank, a blackboard with everything erased. I’d had that feeling at eighteen and I’d never gotten rid of it. “You should think about it,” I said.
“I don’t know, Cav. There was a school in Portland I could get into, and I like the idea of going there, but I’ve never been, and…” She trailed off.
“And now you’re married,” I finished for her. “To me. And you don’t know if you want a husband when you go to Portland.”
“That isn’t it,” she said, rolling over and looking up at me. “I want a husband all the time. I want you all the time.”
I propped my head in my hand and looked down at her. “You don’t have to decide right now,” I said. “Decide later. But think it over.”
She frowned. “Think over the school, or the husband?”
“Both.”
She winced. “Cavan, I know I said some things. I didn’t mean them.”
