“And it was like I wasn’t talking. Liz said you could appear at the next meeting and Webb agreed with her, and Legal was just like, ‘that seems like a reasonable request.’ Complete bullshit.”
Cole’s lips twitched, but he didn’t smile. “All that matters is what they can spin. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know that. But also fuck that.” I slammed my palm on the counter, hard enough to rattle the glass. “And how are you so damn calm? Am I…am I wrong here?”
“No,” Cole said. “You’re not wrong at all. You’re upset at my lack of emotion like I haven’t been anticipating this since Dr. Webb called me to tell me Risk was bringing this back up.”
“Yes!” The word burst out of me, loud in the quiet kitchen. “You are severely under-reacting to the fact that they’re going to crucify you. Dr. Rice told me to my face that if this goes bad, you’re on your own. They’ll cut you loose and let you take the blame. And Diane Hart…”
I shook my head. “Sheactsguilty. Not just sad, butguilty. She does a good job of letting her lawyer be the pit bull, but she was out of town when her grandfather died. And not just out of town but not reachable for hours. And now she needs someone to blame because she can’t live with the fact that she wasn’t there when it happened. Rachel Gaines is smart enough to use that guilt, to channel it into anger. She’ll make you the villain in this story and there won’t be anything I can do to stop it.”
“Yep,” Cole said, so matter-of-fact it made me want to scream. “I figured this is how it would end up.”
“You figured,” I repeated, my voice flat. “You figured this is how it would go, so you’re just…what? Accepting it? Giving up?”
“Harper.”
Cole’s tone was even, steady, but his eyes darkened the way a room dims when a cloud passes overhead. “I’ve been a Black surgeon for twenty years. This isn’t my first questionable death. I knew that was part of the deal when I accepted the job at RMC. I’d make that call again. Every time.”
“Knowing it’s going to happen doesn’t make it right.”
“No,” he agreed. “It doesn’t. But it’s reality. And getting angry about reality doesn’t change the game. It makes you play worse.”
I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it again. My hands were shaking. I pressed them flat against the cool granite countertop. “Dr. Rice threatened my job,” I said quietly.
For the first time since I’d walked in, Cole’s composure slipped. His brows knit together. “What?”
“After the meeting today. She told me that if I don’t fall in line, I’m not a fit for this role.” I laughed, but there was nohumor in it. The sound came out bitter and harsh. “She said I’m not thinking strategically. That my job is to protect the hospital, not you. That I’m letting my personal feelings cloud my professional judgment.”
“She’s not wrong,” Cole said, with a tilt to his head.
“Cole—”
“Where is the lie?” he insisted, cutting me off. “You can’t put your career on the line for me. I won’t let you do that.”
“You won’t let me?” I moved away from him, anger flaring in my chest. “You don’t get to decide that for me.”
“What do you want me to say, Harper?” Cole’s voice rose for the first time. “It’s okay if you lose everything you’ve worked for because RMC administration is playing politics with my career? We don’t have to go down together. I don’t want that. I won’t accept that.”
“So, what am I supposed to do? Watch them tear you apart?”
“If that’s what it takes to keep your job?—”
“Cole, that’s bullshit.”
“That’s reality.”
There was that word again. Reality. I realized I was beginning to hate it.
Cole stepped close again, enough that I could feel his body heat, sense his heartbeat. It was soothing, in a way. His tone dropped lower, softer.
“I appreciate that you’re concerned. I love that you want to fight for me. But I’ve been handling situations like this my entire career. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself to save me.”
“What if I want to?”
His hand slid up my side, across my shoulder, up my neck until he cupped my cheek in his palm. “Don’t want to. I’m not worth losing everything for.”
“If this were anyone else, I’d still want to do what’s right. But it’s you—a skilled, talented Black surgeon. And that makesit different, and you know why. I don’t have the luxury of pretending it doesn’t.”
