Ican’tdo this again.
I got up from the counter and straightened up on unsteady feet.
“Do you want to eat something or leave now?” I asked him.
“Leave? Vee? What’s wrong?” Nate hopped down from the counter and took a step closer. I backed away.
“Your team is freaking out. It’s time to take you home.”
“Okay, yeah, right.” Nate turned away, but I saw how hurt and confused he looked. “Okay, I’ll just get changed.”
“No, keep these. You can’t wear your clothes. They are filthy.”
Withoutlooking at me, he nodded and grabbed his shoes and coat.
We got in my car and I drove him all the way to Veitsreuth without saying much except ‘Can you put your address into the sat nav?’ and him replying, “Yeah, okay.” His place was close to the rink, on the top floor of a fancy multiplex. I parked the car but left the engine running.
“Goodbye, Nate.”
“Okay, yeah. Bye.” He thanked me mechanically, unfastened his seat belt, and walked away without making eye contact. By his front door, he pulled out a bunch of keys and his phone.
I felt like shit, and I could tell Nate felt the same when he turned around and met my eyes. Hurt clouded his gaze. Then he entered his house and was gone.
For a few long minutes I sat in my car with the engine running and fought with myself. I wanted to go after Nate. But as much as I wanted to comfort him, I couldn’t reach out or kiss him again.
I wouldn’t survive that a second time.
Chapter Nineteen
Nate
Iwas the first at the rink on Monday morning.
Well, no. Felix, our equipment manager-slash-junior-coach was always here first. Of course.
“Morning, Felix. Slept at the rink again?” I called over.
“On a pile of sweaty jerseys, yes,” he replied without cracking a smile. “Are you feeling okay?” He raised an eyebrow at me.
Shit. Am I that obvious?
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Felix furrowed his brow, then checked his battered wrist watch.
“It’s 7:45 in the morning. Either your house burned down or something’s off.”
“Yeah, woke up early for a change. Thought I’d work on my shot.”
And I’m spiralling, and my flat was too quiet.
“Uh-huh.” He didn’t believe me. “The pharmacy down the street opens in fifteen minutes. Tell me if you need me to pick up something for you.”
“No, I just need—”
“Your skates are here. I just finished sharpening the blades.”
