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“This is Hal.” I glanced back at him and smiled, a gesture he returned then gave my mother a small wave. Anxiously, I pushed through the space between Mama and the door then headed to the backroom where the boys were sleeping. I stuffed all of their clothes and toys into their suitcases then handed them to H, who was standing outside on the porch and ignoring Mama's weary looks as she stayed planted firmly in the foyer. Satisfied that I'd had all of their belongings, I carried my oldest boy, still sleeping, to the car and fastened him in.
“Annetta!” Mama hissed and stomped her foot as I walked past her cradling my youngest in a warm blanket. “Who is that man? Do you even know?”
“I told you, his name is Hal and he's a good friend of mine.”
“A friend, huh? Oh Lord, we'll see how long that lasts,” she snorted and threw a sideways glance at H who was sitting in the car. “I hope he doesn't turn out to be another one of your mistakes.”
“Things are different with me now, Mama. These kids are my everything. All I want is to see them happy.” I kissed my sleeping baby's cheek. “As for Hal,” I glanced in his direction and whispered on a sigh. “I hope he never sees me as one of his mistakes.”
****
Later that night I closed the door to the boys’ new bedroom and quietly backed away. They were exhausted from a day of activity. We'd picked up the keys to our new home after visiting a second-hand store for furniture, followed by a discount store for a few household items. My last stop was the supermarket so I could make us all a big pot of spaghetti, their favorite. In fact, by the end of the day, we were all exhausted.
Hal hung around the entire day. I thought we would part ways after he took me to my car at the motel. When I returned with groceries, he had all the beds set up, as well as the dining room table and chairs. I knew he'd arranged for fast delivery of the furniture but I didn't know that he'd plan to stick around in order to get everything put together. Realizing there was no way I could have done it alone I was grateful he was there.
He stayed for our messy spaghetti dinner and even helped me clean up afterward. Once the boys were bathed, I'd put them to bed. They had no problem getting to sleep and I hoped it was a good sign that they were happy in their new home.
When I came out to the living room, Hal was fast asleep on the pile of blankets I'd placed on the living room floor for sitting because the sofa wouldn't arrive until the following day. I'd forgotten he'd been up all night and hadn't slept. After driving to Haventown, and then around Columbia he never once complained that he was tired or lost patience after spen
ding hours with cranky toddlers who'd missed their naps. There wasn’t anyone in my life who had ever been so amazing to me.
But he's not for you, Annie.
I knew I'd figure out a way to screw it up. I only brought out the worst in men, who in return brought out the worst in me. I’d let myself get carried away with the idea of love, something I once felt for my sons’ father until it festered into hatred. The kind of hate that made me want to see him dead.
I used to think Jimmy Bishop hung the moon. He was all I could have ever wanted, wrapped in a dreamy heart shaped box. Handsome, mischievous… and twenty-two. This combination made him irresistible to a teenage girl hell bent on rebelling against her bible-thumping mama.
I skipped school all the time to be with him and was equally absent as much as I attended classes my senior year. By the grace of Mama’s God, I graduated. Before the ink was even dry on the diploma, I threw a couple of bags full of my stuff in the back of Jimmy’s car and left Haventown, South Carolina and didn’t look back.
Jimmy loved to ride, to just get in the car and go. We stayed on the road with no particular destination in mind. We could never afford a motel. A spare room at a friend’s place, the couch of an acquaintance, and even the back seat of the car would be where we called home. It was fun and wild, romantic and rebellious.
We earned money the best way we could though I was the one who usually picked up jobs. Singing gigs or working as a waitress were the easiest to land and the fastest way to earn money. Jimmy had to get much more creative. He’d had plenty of run-ins with the law, so nobody wanted to hire him with his criminal record. It didn’t stop him from coming home with pockets of cash every night. He knew people in just about every state along the east coast. He’d go and meet with an acquaintance and we’d spend a few days while he “worked”, then we moved on. I knew whatever Jimmy was mixed up in was bad news, but I trusted him enough to know what he was doing. Either way, it didn’t matter. We were happy.
Then everything changed.
It was just before Christmas and I’d been gone from home for a little over six months. We’d been staying with Jimmy’s friends, Gino and Theresa in Brooklyn for a couple of weeks and I was over it. I hated New York. To a country girl used to wide-open space, the unfamiliar city felt crammed full of people and smelled like piss. Gino had a delivery business I was sure served as a front for something else. He was paying Jimmy under the table, and very well.
It was early afternoon and I had just woken up because sleeping was all I wanted to do those days. I opened the tiny back bedroom door we'd been using and as soon as I stepped into the hall, a horrible stench filled my nostrils and turned my stomach. Once I reached the kitchen, Theresa was boiling some sort of meat still on the bone in a stew pot and the aroma was horrid. Unable to stand it a minute longer I ran to the bathroom and hurled. I sat there with my face on the cold tiles as I waited for the wave of nausea to pass. Gino and Theresa’s baby begin to wail and that’s when it hit me that I could be pregnant. A test a few hours later confirmed it.
Jimmy wasn’t happy at all about the news. He accused me of getting pregnant on purpose and I was at a loss for words. I was eighteen years old. Getting pregnant was the last thing on my mind. The accusatory look he gave me that night hurt more than anything. It was the first time during our wild adventure that I missed my Mama.
I didn’t have to wait long to see her because two days later I was standing on the curb in front of my childhood home as Jimmy screeched off in his car. I stood there in disbelief like it was all a big joke and he would turn around, pull me into his arms and tell me it would all be okay. Except he never came back. So I stood there, eighteen, knocked up and alone in front of Mama’s house as the colorful holiday lights twinkled around me.
“Merry Christmas, asshole.” I screamed after Jimmy as the exhaust smoke faded away in the distance.
“Annetta Lynn, what kinda trouble have you gotten into this time, girl?” My mother glared at me with a look I’d never seen before. It was not the usual anger or even disappointment I had grown accustomed to. It was sadness and that hurt much worse. This wasn’t something she could punish me for by taking away my phone privileges. I was having a baby. A whole human being was growing inside me. As I let the realization sink in, I felt a pair of soft arms around my shoulders, followed by the faint scent of roses. It was the first time I remember her hugging me in at least two years and it was just what I needed.
Despite all that, I still took Jimmy back and eventually wound up pregnant with my second child. His reaction was even worse than the first time and dared to imply the baby wasn't his. What was that saying, “Fool me once...” Yes, I was a total fool many times over except I couldn't figure out how to make the cycle stop.
Chapter Eleven
“Annette?” Hal called out groggily, cutting through my trip down memory lane. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, stepping forward, “Thanks for everything today. You have no idea how much it means to us.” I lowered myself onto the blanket beside him.
“You don't have to thank me. I'm happy to see it all worked out.” He sat up rubbing his eyes.
“Me, too.” I smiled and rested my head on my hand and looked up at him. The familiar scent that was all him lingered on the material and I couldn't help taking deep breaths, enjoying the moment. Why couldn't I allow myself to fall for a man like him? Wasn’t I allowed to have “good”, or better yet “good for me” in my life?
