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“Oh, dear. I forgot to mention the children are here with the Pastor and I. I only wanted to ask you a few questions about their likes and dislikes...”
I listened to Wilma talk but I was having a hard time concentrating on what she was saying.
My own mother sold me out?
I knew she was capable but deep down I never thought she'd go through with it or at least not before she talked to me.
“...and we firmly believe in one-hour devotionals every night. I can assure you that your sweet boys will be well cared for, with the help of God. We'll have the paperwork started first thing in the morning...”
“Hang on, lady. My kids are not going anywhere. As a matter a fact I was on my way to bring them to our new home today.”
“But...but, Maryann said...”
“Well, Mama hasn't been herself lately and her memory isn't what it used to be. I'm sorry to waste your time. If you would kindly give me your address, I'll be there shortly.”
Wilma sputtered and tried several more times to dissuade me, but those were my kids and they belonged with me.
I wasn't exactly sure why I found myself at the Jumpstart thirty minutes later about to make the worst mistake of my life.
Desperation will make a person do just about anything.
Chapter Seven
I'd gone into the Jumpstart in search of Donnie. I needed to make some cash fast and was willing to do whatever I had to even if it meant dancing. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it all work. I didn't have a plan beyond picking up my boys then doing whatever was necessary to find us a place to live and fast.
When I stepped into Donnie's office he wasn't there, but a large manila envelope full of cash from last night’s bar register was sitting on his desk. There was three thousand dollars in there. I'd watched Tammy, the bartender, count the money before handing it off to Donnie. He barely glanced up before tucking the envelope under his arm, not even pausing the conversation with the familiar pretty blonde who had been there looking for H.
The envelope looked like it had never been touch and was just tossed there as if it held no importance. Wheels of deception began spinning in my head. I stared at the envelope for a minute. Three thousand would get me what I needed. By tomorrow night, I could be settled in the house with my boys. I tried to convince myself that I would find another job and nobody would know. By the look of the mess in Donnie's office, he probably wasn't keeping track of things properly anyway. I mean, who would leave an envelope full of cash just out in the open in an unlocked office like that? I began telling myself that I needed it more than him. Visions of my boys who were wild at heart being forced to read bible verses every night wondering why their Mama had abandoned them made my cheeks burn and my heart race. I had to do this for them.
Suddenly I was watching my hand reach out for the envelope. I say watching because it felt like I was only an observer and not actually making the movements.
Was I really going to do this?
All kinds of bad things could happen to me. Did I really think I could get away with it? What if Donnie suspected me first? If I don't show up for work tonight, he'll know for sure. I would go to jail! For a long time. It was so wrong. So, so wrong. I couldn't take the money… but what about my boys? Oh God! I wish I knew what to do?
“What are you doing?” H demanded and I whirled around in complete horror to see him standing with his arms crossed, waiting for my response. Oh, why couldn't it have been anybody but him? A man I was coming to know as a friend was standing there and probably judging me. I'd never felt so low. Seconds ticked away as I stood there staring at him with my mouth agape. Not a single word came to mind. Not one. No quick cover up, not even a terrible excuse. Nothing. I was frozen. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. My eyes remained locked on his as he stepped forward.
“Annette? What are you doing?” He repeated but, this time, whisper-yelling as he came to stop just in front of me.
In re
sponse, I did something really stupid. Really, really stupid. Tucking the envelope under my arm like a football, I tried to make a run for it. H looked stunned as I tried to push past him. I got all of three steps before his hand wrap tightly around my wrist and he yanked me back.
“Stop! Let go of me!” I screamed and flailed my arms around in a fit of hysteria. The envelope dropped from my hand to the carpeted floor with a soft thud.
“Hang on! Hang on a second, Annette! Calm down.” H said against the side of my face as he locked his arms in an attempt to restrain me. I didn’t want to be restrained, I wanted to get the hell out of there and fast!
Oh God, this is bad. Very bad, Annie!
I thrashed about a little while longer and H pleaded with me to stop and lower my voice. Finally, my body went limp from sheer exhaustion and I sank to the floor with him still grasping both my wrists. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, my chest was heaving and I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even look up. Pretty soon I knew he was going to have to call the cops, and I’d be hauled off to jail.
Oh, my babies. Mama is so sorry!
H squatted down beside me and spoke in the same low whisper he used before.
“What is going on? What are you doing with the deposit money?” His hand gestured to the yellow envelope on the floor. When I finally looked up at him, his dark brown eyes were fixed on mine. There was sympathy mixed with confusion.
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled softly and stared down at the floor again. “You’re going to turn me in either way.”
