Aurora found herself in a dark forest, out of breath and out of time. The darkness was closing in on her. She had to keep going.
Then she found a clearing in the woods. The sun shone down, and she breathed easier. Light glared off a metal surface in the center of the clearing. Walking closer, she could see what looked like a crude statue of a man with an ax. She was facing his back. As she walked around to his front, recognition dawned on her. It was Duncan in his Tin Man suit! She reached out and touched his silver face to find it hard and cold. His beautiful eyes stared off into space, frozen. The oil can. Where was the goddamn oil can?
“Duncan? Can you hear me? DUNCAN!”
The nightmare came back night after night. Some nights she had two nightmares, one of Duncan frozen as the Tin Man, and the one she’d had in Sunnyvale. Going to bed alone filled her with despair. She would be out the minute her head hit the pillow, only to wake up weeping a few hours later. So many nights she would reach for him only to find empty air. Her cell phone taunted her from the nightstand:Call him. Tell him. You love him.She’d pick up the phone to call him, and then she’d see Jeff’s lifeless face from her first dream and put it back. Sobs wracked her bosom nightly, punishment for betraying Jeff.
“The less I know about how you got it, the less I can disclose to the cops when my ex calls them.”
Duncan regarded the man laughing in his office. He’d done well to hire the former CIA tech guru when he decided to come back to civilian life. Aaron was an asset and a good man.
“I’d do no less for my own child and feel absolutelyzeroguilt. I only wish you’d come to me sooner.”
“Me, too,” Duncan sighed. “I just hope he doesn’t hate me.”
“If your ex is as crazy as you told me, I don’t think he could.” Aaron patted him on the shoulder. “Let me know how it goes. And for the record, I was off the clock when I pulled all that.” He winked.
“Got it.” Once he’d left the office, Duncan opened his personal email and began to type.
Dear Ryder,
My name is Duncan Sullivan, and I’m your dad. I want to start this off by saying I deeply regret losing contact with you. If I could go back in time, I would do a lot of things differently. When you were born, I was excited to see you grow up, and I’ve missed it all. I was so worried about making sure that there was a planet for you that I left for California to start a business to help save it. Your mom chose to divorce me, and I can’t say I blame her. I picked a terrible time to leave, and it took a lot longer than I anticipated to get set up. By then, she had moved, and I had no way to reach you. I hope someday you can forgive me for missing out on so much of your life. If you have time, I’d love to talk to you. I can’t go back and change the beginning, but I’d like to try a different ending.
Love, Dad
He included his cell phone number at the bottom and attached a photo of them together from Ryder’s first birthday. He’d forwarded it to his work computer for just this purpose. Duncan squeezed his eyes shut for a moment in a silent prayer and clicked “Send.”
Minutes later, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He wiped sweat from his forehead and reached for it. It shook in his hand ever so slightly as he read the unknown number with the Riverton area code. “H-Hello?”
Knowing Me, Knowing You
“Dad?” came an uncertain voice. “Is that really you?”
“Ryder?” Christmas had come early this year. “I can’t believe this.”
“You’re not the only one.” Ryder sniffed on the other end.
“I’m so sorry. For everything.” The words squeezed from Duncan’s heart. Everything he’d ever thought about saying to his son, and that was all that would come out. He’d missed so much. His son was a man now. A man he’d had no say in raising.
“It’s not your fault. I was going through the attic, and I found the court documents.” Ryder was silent for a minute. “I know what happened. She didn’t tell me what was going on.”
Duncan’s eyes shut tight. He’d been so careful not to paint the boy’s mother in a bad light in his email, and Ryder had already known the truth. “She was trying to protect you.”
“No, she was trying tocontrolme.”
Ryder started telling Duncan about the childhood he’d missed out on. He talked about his stepfather and half-siblings, and how he learned not to ask about his biological father. The longer he listened, the angrier he got. Mariah had played him. He’d thought his son would at least have a better life than he’d had and not been the pawn between bickering parents. He’d been wrong.
“That picture you sent? I found it when I was six. I kept it hidden in my room, and I’d—this is going to sound so stupid—but I’d talk to it when I missed you. I know Mom wanted me to forget, but …” His voice shook, and he sniffled. “I never did.”
“It’s not stupid. Not at all.” Duncan absentmindedly wiped the pool of tears gathering on his mahogany desk with his sleeve. “Are you still living with your mom?”
“No, I have an off-campus apartment with three other guys. Why?”
Now for the big test. “I’d like to come see you. Would that be alright?”
“Really? You mean it?”
“Of course!” They talked a bit about Ryder’s class schedule, and Duncan promised to figure out a time to come soon.
