He already did. He loved me enough for the whole world. More than I'd ever imagined. More than I deserved.
With his anger burnt out, Penny sank back down against my chest. He dropped his head on my shoulder and snaked his arms around my waist. But he wasn’t quiet for long.
“If Mother kicks me out… If she…” He swallowed thickly. “If she disowns me, I’ll still have you, won’t I?”
“What?”
His grip on me tightened, and his voice muffled into my chest. “Even if I don’t have a farm or a family or a home, I’ll have you?”
His worry left me feeling gutted. I hated that any of this was even a concern.
“You’llalwayshave me,” I said, my vehemence stealing the soft edge I’d intended for those words. “I don’t care what property you own or family ties you have. For as long as I’m alive, you’llalwayshave a home and a family, sweetheart. With me.” I eased his left arm from my waist and tugged at the cord tied around his wrist. “If you ever doubt that, this should be all the reassurance you need.”
Penny went tense in my arms. Breath shuddered out of him in short bursts that would spark a fit of coughs if he couldn’t calm himself.
“Kit?” he said. “What if they turn us in?”
I craned my neck to try to see his face, but he pressed it hard into my shoulder. “What are you talking about?”
“They’ll know everything.” His words trickled out as a low whine, and he was trembling again. Not from the cold; this was from fear. “They'll know about the cult, and the bodies, and what if they turn us in?”
His fingers dug into my skin while I rubbed soothing circles on his back. He didn't seem to register my attempt at comfort as he forged on.
“We could be hanged, like Edgar and Cait, and no one…” He let out a sob. “No one would care.”
I tried to shush him to no avail.
“Wh-what if theydoblame you? What if they want to p-punish you?” he stammered. “They would take you away from me.”
His chest seized a moment before he expelled a flurry of coughs and was left gasping for breath against my damp shirt. I hardly heard the words that followed.
“I can’t lose you, Kit. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I forced him back and cupped my hands to either side of his face. His green eyes were wider than ever, lashes clumped with the tears that had yet to stop flowing.
“None of that is going to happen,” I murmured while brushing my thumbs over his cheeks. “Your mother isn’t going to risk you getting arrested, and Sayla would never let them, anyway.”
At least, I didn’t think she would. Penny’s sister had seen something between us before we did, and she hadn’t missed a chance to point out my virtues to their mother since we’d returned. She was as invested in what Penny and I were doing as we were, even if she worried about the consequences. There was no way she’d risk her brother’s happiness when she was the one who convinced him to find me in the first place.
Penny sniffed. “But?—”
“But nothing.” I shook my head. “Let’s wait out here for a bit and give you a chance to calm down. Okay?” I offered a smile, but he didn’t return it, just brought his hands up to cling to mine.
He took a few shuddering breaths. It did nothing for his shivering, but his voice came out slightly more even when he asked, “Can we stay out here until everyone else is in bed?”
I wasn’t looking forward to spending hours in the damp, cold barn in wet clothes, but if that was what it took to ease Penny’s mind, I’d manage.
I pulled him in to press a kiss to his forehead, then shifted to get comfortable.
“As long as you need, sweetheart.”
35
Penny
Ikept Kit in the barn far longer than he wanted to be there. He was terribly sweet about it, despite his sorry, soggy state. We curled up in the hay and sat quietly until I’d mentally revisited what felt like every moment of my life. And I cried. I cried so much and so hard that when I woke the next morning, my eyes were puffy and red, and my voice had gone hoarse.
Sun streamed in my bedroom window, but I didn’t rouse Kit. He’d earned every bit of rest he could get, and there was so much yet to do. As glad as I was not to have Merrick dogging our steps, that was one less pair of hands to lighten the workload that seemed more crushing than ever.
