That land had been Delmer’s pride and joy, and as much as I didn’t want to leave, I accepted their terms of sale and handed over the deed. The money set me up well when I settled in Forstford, and I acknowledged that, in a way, Delmer was still taking care of me now.
As I finished my story, Penny jerked the horse to a stop and nearly slipped in his haste to come around the back of the plow. He flung his arms around me and squeezed so tightly I swore my ribs creaked.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” he asked, his words muffled against my shoulder.
I leaned my head against his and looped my own arms around his waist. “It hurts to talk about,” I admitted. “Just another good thing that the Bone Men took from me.”
“I’m sorry. He sounds like he was something special.” He pulled back and slid a hand up to rest against my cheek. His pained expression smoothed when I leaned into his palm. “I’m glad, though, after all the terrible things I’ve heard about your father, that you had someone whodidlove you and treat you the way a son should be treated.”
I made a small noise of assent.
“Did you ever go back to see how the farm was doing?”
I shook my head. “Either it would be thriving, and I’d be bitter about it, or it would be in disarray, and I’d be angry about it. It wasn’t worth the anguish either way.”
Penny’s brows drew down again. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to take it over. You’d have done a fine job with it.”
It was my turn to bring a hand up to trace my fingers over his cheek. “It was a bit of a relief to lose it, honestly. The farm wasDelmer’sdream, and I was honored to be entrusted with it, but I was almost glad for having that choice taken from me. It freed me to settle somewhere I wasn’t hated, where I could be useful and do whatIwanted to do.”
Penny was quiet a moment, then said in a very small voice, “That would be nice.”
“What would?”
He shrugged, but I could tell this was more significant to him than he was letting on. I had a feeling I knew what he meant before he confirmed it.
“Being able to do what I want. Being free.”
For as much as this farm was Penny's home, I knew it was a burden he didn’t feel capable of shouldering. Given the choice, I was certain he’d do anything but this. But he had a family to look after, and he would never walk away from them. Even with Sayla set to marry Warren, there was still Amelina to consider.
Penny wasn’t a farmer. He would grudgingly carry on as he was, but he would always dream of something different. Of a life liberated from the expectations that he should be happy with the lot he was given and dismiss what hereallywanted. It was a life I wanted to give him. I just didn’t see a way forward that didn’t include his responsibilities here.
He was quiet for several moments before he continued softly. “I never asked, but I assumed that you would come back here with me when all of this is over. I want you to be somewhereyou’re happy and feel needed.” He smiled, but it was clearly forced. “You’re needed here.Ineed you.”
I hoped my smile was more believable than his. I tilted my chin up so I could press a kiss to his forehead.
“If that’s what you really want, I could be happy here.”
“But it’s not whatyouwant,” he concluded. “It’s not whatIreally want either.”
“We have plenty of time to figure it out.” I pulled him back in and squeezed him to within an inch of his life.
He grunted in satisfaction, and some of the tension left him.
“It’s been a long couple of days, and now isn’t the time to be making decisions anyway. Let’s focus on what's to be done now, and the rest will work itself out.”
Penny pulled back and gave a determined nod. “It’ll work out,” he agreed.
And we got back to plowing.
37
Penny
Ihad not missed farmwork.
Kit’s company made it more tolerable, and it was nice to see the property coming alive under our efforts. Warren and his family proved to be competent workers, making possible what hadn’t been since Father fell ill. More than once, I found myself wanting to tell him. To run to his and Mother’s room at the end of each day and describe our progress.
I imagined he would have been proud.
