‘You don’t have to go out there,’ Eva said softly, though Maddy hadn’t moved.
Maddy’s lips parted, but nothing came out.
Outside, the music swelled.Everything is ready. Everything is waiting.
Maddy took a step back. Then another. ‘Yes, I do,’ she said, her voice barely audible. ‘I can’t ruin everything.’
Eva flinched. ‘And this isn’t ruiningyou?’
Maddy looked at the floor. ‘Please don’t,’ she begged. ‘Just let me go.’
Eva looked at her for a long moment. ‘Fine,’ she said finally.
Maddy turned and looked in the mirror at her smudged lipstick. She dabbed at it with her fingers, doing a quick touch-up. And then she turned away and walked to the door, not daring to look at Eva again.
‘Will you be okay?’ she said at the door, not turning around.
‘Willyou?’ Eva replied.
Maddy sighed. She lowered her veil. Then she opened the door and stepped through, the taste of Eva still on her lips.
Thirty-Six
Eva had always thought that if/when the day came that her mind snapped, it would involve public nudity or attacking people with a blunt instrument. Maybe she’d start screaming in the middle of the pasta section of Tesco.
But no. That was not the form this mental collapse was taking. It had expressed itself through her lips.
And now she stood at the back of the aisle, frozen in place, with no memory of how she had got there. The room was bright, every detail exactly as it should be. Everything was in order.
Except Eva. She was the chaotic element. The flaw.
She clasped her hands tightly in front of her, fingers pressing together, and tried to work backwards, to locate the exact moment she had lost control of herself. There had to be one. There was always a point of failure. That was how everything worked.
But she couldn’t find it. She couldn’t find the reason.
Maddy was already walking down the aisle with her mother and her bridesmaids, slow and deliberate, perfectly timed to the swell of the music Eva herself had queued.
Eva hoped she was okay. She didn’t see how she could be. Because Eva had kissed her. She had kissed her deeply, meaningfully, soulfully, passionately. And Maddy had kissed her back.
Eva tightened her hands further, welcoming the discomfort. She deserved to suffer. She didn’t do things like this. She didn’t act without thinking. She didn’t allow herself the luxury of impulse, because impulse led to chaos, and chaos led to damage, and she had built an entire life on avoiding exactly that. Damage.
But she had allowed something to grow without noticing, something strong enough to override every system she relied on. Something that could hurt her. Hurt others, too.
Maddy moved further down the aisle, each step measured. Moving away from her. Toward Adam, who stood at the front, steady and calm, entirely unaware that the woman who had orchestrated this entire day was standing at the back of the room, quietly coming apart with the taste of his bride lingering in her mouth.
Eva watched Maddy press on down the aisle. There was no hesitation.
A cruel thought cut through everything else.
Did you think she’d chooseyou?
In the moment, maybe shehadthought… What? That it meant something? That it could change anything? That Maddy wasn’t going to open that door and start walking?
That had never been an option. Maddy would do what she was supposed to do.
Eva felt the sudden urge to run screaming towards the wedding, to stop it. To tell Maddy that none of it mattered, thatthis, whatever it was between them, mattered more.
But that would be crazy on top of crazy. Maddy had made her choice clear.
