She was guided forward by Ralph’s light touch at her elbow, gentle but firm, like she might drift off if not properly directed. Someone adjusted the train of her dress as she stepped up onto the platform. Someone else pressed her bouquet back into her hands. It was ready for the bin.
And then she was standing next to him. Adam.
He turned to her, offering a small, reassuring smile. ‘Hey,’ he said quietly. He was only tipsy, a small mercy.
‘Hi,’ Maddy replied.
Her voice sounded distant. Like it had travelled further than the few inches between them.
‘You okay?’ he asked.
No.
‘Yeah,’ she said. But she wondered why he hadn’t come looking for her. She hadn’t been hard to find. Eva had managed it.
Christ, Eva. Where was she? Had she left? Maddy wouldn’t have blamed her. After Maddy vomited all that stuff about need. She had known all her life she was a mess. But this was her first time putting it on display. Eva might be gunning it out of the car park this very moment. Life-alteringly passionate snogs aside, it was a lot to put on someone.
The officiant, holding what looked like a hastily printed set of notes, cleared her throat. ‘Right,’ she began. ‘Let’s continue.’
A ripple of laughter moved through the room. Glasses clinked again as people settled into watching.
Maddy’s gaze drifted, and then she saw her. Eva. She was still here.
She was standing off to the side, a few feet away. She wasn’t looking at the guests. She was looking at Maddy. There wasn’t panic in her face, nor urgency. She was simply watching.
Maddy looked away.
The officiant was speaking again. Something about commitment and partnership and choosing each other.
Maddy heard the words, but they didn’t quite hit until the word, ‘Choosing.’ That was the word that stuck. Because she realised, with a slow and terrible certainty, that she had never really thought any of this as a choice.
Adam had simply arrived and said, ‘I’m here. And now you are notyou. You arewe.’ And what could Maddy do but accept it?
Adam was the kind of person you built a life with because it made sense. Because it worked. Because there was no obvious reason not to.
She had loved him. Hadn’t she?
Christ, why hadn’t she asked herself that question at any minute beforethisone?
Well, she had. The quiet little voice in her head had been asking it for a long time. But only now was she ready to answer it honestly. Right when she was due to marry him. She searched for the feeling now, standing beside him, about to promise something permanent. She found how she felt with him. Easy, quiet, comfortable.
And then her mind flicked back to Eva. And that was not quiet. That was not comfortable. It was a raging and passionate click into place.
She didn’t love Adam and never had.
Shit.
Maddy really did wish this could have happened when she wasn’t on a stage in front of a room full of increasingly drunk witnesses about to make a legally binding mistake.
But it wasn’t a surprise, really. She’d been circling this for years. It was all so obvious looking back.
It could never be Adam. Not even slightly.
‘Do you, Maddy…’
The officiant’s voice cut through her thoughts. Maddy blinked as the room came back into focus.
Adam was looking at her.Everyonewas looking at her. Her grip tightened on the bouquet. She could feel her pulse in her throat, her wrists, everywhere at once. This was it. This was the moment. Again.
