Grief sinks into my stomach like a rock. Mackenzie was right about what she said at the bar. I was nineteen when our parents died, and then I was a parent myself. I was focused on school and taking care of Mackenzie, and somewhere in there, I forgot about my own needs.
Moving out here to Black Forest was the first thing I ever really did for myself, and even then, I made sure that Mackenzie could set up a life here too before making the decision.
And, yeah, maybe I have been lonely. I’m not good at making friends, and I’ve always found relationships to be hard because I always prioritize Mackenzie and my work.
But with Star, it feels like things were easy for the first time. I don’t feel like I have to prove something to him, like I’m keeping track of all the things I do for him to make sure I’m doing enough to be worthy of him. He’s just happy being here, being alive.
After a while, I change into some sweats and a shirt and slip into bed beside Star. Even though I try to be gentle, he wakes anyway.
He lets out a sleepy little moan and scoots close to me, wrapping his arm around me and pressing his face into my throat. “I missed you,” he whispers. He smells like wet soil and wood smoke.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better. There is almost no pain now, just the tiniest of twinges occasionally.”
Not good enough. I can’t stand knowing he feels even the smallest amount of pain. He deserves to have a perfectly healthy body, to be perfectly happy.
I run my fingertips down the taut muscle of his shoulder. “The friend I went to see, he thinks he might have a solution. It’ll be… sort of an experiment, but I think he’s right about what he said. He thinks we need a large electromagnetic pulse to send you back. I’ll put together two electromagnets tomorrow.”
He doesn’t say anything, just breathes silently into my neck, and then I feel the wetness on my skin.
“Star…”
He pushes up onto one elbow, looking down at me. “I do not want to leave you, Mason. I want to stay.”
I press a hand to the sharp jut of his jaw. “I want you to stay, too. But I can’t risk your health anymore. I’m sorry.”
His eyebrows curve in. “You are not in control of me. You cannot make me go.”
It’s the first time I’ve seen him express anything close to anger, and I’m not even sure how real the anger actually is. I nod. “You’re right. I can’t. But you know you have to.”
The anger dissolves immediately, and he lets out a long sigh, pressing his forehead to mine. “Yes,” he finally says, “I know I have to. Something is not right. I do not belong here.”
I want to tell him hedoesbelong here, right here in my arms, but I resist.
And then his mouth falls onto mine gently, like it was always going to end up there, two magnets, coming together after a long time apart.
For the first time, it feels likehe’skissingme, like he’s in control of the way it starts out gentle—soft lips, warm hands, eyes closed—and then shifts into something more urgent. I feel the change in him, his hands grasping my face and his body moving to cover mine. My fingers dig into his back, grasping, like I can imprint him onto my skin and never lose him.
I flip us, kissing my way down his neck and then his chest.
“No,” he says when my mouth is hovering somewhere near his belly button. My eyes flick up to meet his. He runs his fingers through my hair. “I know there is more, Mason. I have seen it. I want to do that with you.”
I swallow, nerves racing through me. “What have you seen?”
His thumb brushes back and forth over my cheekbone. “Mating. Animals, mostly, but also one passionate couple who found privacy in the woods.”
I can’t stop the smile that creeps up my face. “Seen a lot of deer sex, huh?”
He bits his lip and then hisses out, “Sex.”
The curious and sensual way he says it sends a shiver down my spine. I leave one last open-mouthed kiss on the strip of hair that runs from his belly button to the waistband of his pants.
“You’re not well enough, Starlight.”
That splash of anger from before comes back, his eyes going dark. “I will decide what I am well enough for, Mason. Is that your only objection?”
I huff out a breath and set my forehead on his stomach. His cock is hard against my chest. I want to shove his pants down and take it into my mouth. But I’m alsoveryinterested in what he’s asking for, even if I’m nervous it could hurt him.
